5 ms·

Yeah, I disagree with FORD totally. FORD is heavy and personal. The point of small talk is that it's small and light. You have to make sure you trust a person

Yeah, I disagree with FORD totally. FORD is heavy and personal. The point of small talk is that it's small and light. You have to make sure you trust a person before you start talking about personal stuff. Small talk is about progressive disclosure. You make the conversation a little bit more personal and see if the other person reciprocates--but you have to start small, that's the whole point. If someone started out asking me about FORD I'd think they were odd/awkward or maybe snobby.

tudelo 8y ago
You think asking about what someone does 40 hours a week is odd/akward/snobby? Dreams might be a bit heavy, but occupation?
- shoguning 8y ago
  Yes. It depends on delivery, but it can come across very snobby when class differences may be involved. I've noticed when talking to 'upper class' people they often lead with asking about occupation, as if they're trying to guess how much money I make, or trying to figure out if I'm 'worth knowing' in their estimation. Reading too much into it? Maybe, but I'm sure some other people feel the same way if I do. I make a point to never ask, unless it's a work scenario (conference/meetup). Besides, there's usually something more interesting to talk about.
  - vorpalhex 8y ago
    Shame about bluntly discussing salary is one of the greatest tricks the rich have played on the poor.
    - dsfyu404ed 8y ago
      Salary is irrelevant to it. We're talking about how it's uncomfortable and generally not advisable to say "well I own a canoe that's painted up for duck hunting" when everyone else it talking about their yachts. It's a class thing, not a money thing.
      - vorpalhex 8y ago
        > generally not advisable to say "well I own a canoe that's painted up for duck hunting" when everyone else it talking about their yachts Why? The goal of most social conversations is to find a common thread, and if your commonality with this mustache twirling yacht owning theoretical is that you have a little canoe you enjoy taking duck hunting, then you at least have the beginnings of your thread. Wealth and it's presence or absence is not indicative of social or moral worth, nor is socializing about "besting" the other person with your knowledge of imported French brandy. You may well talk to the person for five minutes, get through the usual pleasantries, and find you have nothing at all in common and part ways - or you might both settle on talking about small game hunting.
- pitt1980 8y ago
  When I was in college, conversation tended to flow pretty smoothly from asking people about their majors and what sort of job they hoped to get after college. (maybe the other party was bored by these conversations, idk, but they seemed to happen pretty smoothly) One of the things I noticed as I got older, is that for any number of reasons, lots of people wind up spending 40 hours a week doing something other than what they hoped and dreamed they would be doing. And they tend to not enjoy talking that much about it when they're off the clock. People will tell you about what they do, but lots of people aren't interested in answering follow up questions, or making conversation about their job flow very smoothly; often the conversation gets stilted pretty quickly.
- ryandrake 8y ago
  Honestly, as a pretty private person, it’s nobody’s business what I do for a living. If they ask I just say “exotic dancer.” I get a laugh to break ice, and we can move on to a different topic cleanly.
- leetcrew 8y ago
  like most social things, it depends heavily on context. if you're a software dev and you start talking shop with another dev, it's probably a safe topic of conversation, unless the person really doesn't want to talk about work after hours. unfortunately there is a lot of baggage wrapped up in one's occupation (social status, money, etc.). if, as a software dev, you start asking someone who works at a pizza place all kinds of questions about their work, it could be a very different dynamic. btw, i used to work in a pizza place and i had devised all kinds of strategies to optimize every aspect of my job. i loved when people would give me the opportunity to talk about it, but i know a lot of my coworkers were very unsatisfied with their job and place in the world, and would not be happy to be asked about it by someone who obviously made a lot more money.

tudelo 8y ago

You think asking about what someone does 40 hours a week is odd/akward/snobby? Dreams might be a bit heavy, but occupation?

shoguning 8y ago
Yes. It depends on delivery, but it can come across very snobby when class differences may be involved. I've noticed when talking to 'upper class' people they often lead with asking about occupation, as if they're trying to guess how much money I make, or trying to figure out if I'm 'worth knowing' in their estimation. Reading too much into it? Maybe, but I'm sure some other people feel the same way if I do. I make a point to never ask, unless it's a work scenario (conference/meetup). Besides, there's usually something more interesting to talk about.
- vorpalhex 8y ago
  Shame about bluntly discussing salary is one of the greatest tricks the rich have played on the poor.
  - dsfyu404ed 8y ago
    Salary is irrelevant to it. We're talking about how it's uncomfortable and generally not advisable to say "well I own a canoe that's painted up for duck hunting" when everyone else it talking about their yachts. It's a class thing, not a money thing.
    - vorpalhex 8y ago
      > generally not advisable to say "well I own a canoe that's painted up for duck hunting" when everyone else it talking about their yachts Why? The goal of most social conversations is to find a common thread, and if your commonality with this mustache twirling yacht owning theoretical is that you have a little canoe you enjoy taking duck hunting, then you at least have the beginnings of your thread. Wealth and it's presence or absence is not indicative of social or moral worth, nor is socializing about "besting" the other person with your knowledge of imported French brandy. You may well talk to the person for five minutes, get through the usual pleasantries, and find you have nothing at all in common and part ways - or you might both settle on talking about small game hunting.
pitt1980 8y ago
When I was in college, conversation tended to flow pretty smoothly from asking people about their majors and what sort of job they hoped to get after college. (maybe the other party was bored by these conversations, idk, but they seemed to happen pretty smoothly) One of the things I noticed as I got older, is that for any number of reasons, lots of people wind up spending 40 hours a week doing something other than what they hoped and dreamed they would be doing. And they tend to not enjoy talking that much about it when they're off the clock. People will tell you about what they do, but lots of people aren't interested in answering follow up questions, or making conversation about their job flow very smoothly; often the conversation gets stilted pretty quickly.
ryandrake 8y ago
Honestly, as a pretty private person, it’s nobody’s business what I do for a living. If they ask I just say “exotic dancer.” I get a laugh to break ice, and we can move on to a different topic cleanly.
leetcrew 8y ago
like most social things, it depends heavily on context. if you're a software dev and you start talking shop with another dev, it's probably a safe topic of conversation, unless the person really doesn't want to talk about work after hours. unfortunately there is a lot of baggage wrapped up in one's occupation (social status, money, etc.). if, as a software dev, you start asking someone who works at a pizza place all kinds of questions about their work, it could be a very different dynamic. btw, i used to work in a pizza place and i had devised all kinds of strategies to optimize every aspect of my job. i loved when people would give me the opportunity to talk about it, but i know a lot of my coworkers were very unsatisfied with their job and place in the world, and would not be happy to be asked about it by someone who obviously made a lot more money.