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I went into divorce naively. I was toughing it out in a crappy marriage, alternating between being suicidal or whacked out on booze/pot/pills/etc. One night I

I went into divorce naively. I was toughing it out in a crappy marriage, alternating between being suicidal or whacked out on booze/pot/pills/etc. One night I jokingly suggested divorce to my parents and they took me seriously and encouraged it. I didn't seriously consider it as a possibility until that moment. If I had my head on straight, I would have acted differently(switched jobs, taken a mental health break, stashed funds, etc). Instead, I did the right thing and split the $30k cash, kept my high paying job(which ended during the divorce anyway) and tried to help her choose good representation. It ended up screwing me.

mirimir 8y ago
Damn. That's horrible. I empathize. Leading up to divorces, I've been suicidal and escaped using drugs. And when it came down to it, I've also made an effort to be fair. But in my case, my ex-wives also made efforts to be fair. So it worked out OK for us. And both of them remain good friends. One of my ex-girlfriends is one of my wife's best friends. Almost a sister ;) I acknowledge Landmark Education for that :) Here's a funny story. My second wife and I did a no-fault divorce, and hired an attorney to handle the paperwork. But he fucked up, so we sued him in small claims court to recover the fees that we'd paid him :)
- 01100011 8y ago
  Haha nice. We started out amicable but then we got a mediator who sided with my ex and immediately set the expectation that I'd be paying $4,650/month for 17 years(until she hit retirement age. The marriage was 19 years.). I countered with $2,600/mo and things stalled. Then she got mad one day and took a swing at me, forcing me to sleep on a friend's couch until she vacated the house. Finally we lawyered up. She moved out of state so I got to deal with her lawyer and found that her lawyer thought she was a nutcase. I mentioned the original mediator's suggested support amount and she was astonished. Her lawyer said she should have taken the $2,600/mo and been happy. Right now I'm paying $3,200/mo and that lasts for 3 years, then I pay for a vocational evaluation and take her back to court(for $10k-$100k according to my lawyer). Hopefully the judge will reduce the amount at that point. Fortunately in California the prevailing attitude now seems to be that alimony is temporary and transitional, so I'm hoping I don't have to pay indefinitely.

mirimir 8y ago

Damn. That's horrible. I empathize. Leading up to divorces, I've been suicidal and escaped using drugs. And when it came down to it, I've also made an effort to be fair. But in my case, my ex-wives also made efforts to be fair. So it worked out OK for us. And both of them remain good friends. One of my ex-girlfriends is one of my wife's best friends. Almost a sister ;) I acknowledge Landmark Education for that :) Here's a funny story. My second wife and I did a no-fault divorce, and hired an attorney to handle the paperwork. But he fucked up, so we sued him in small claims court to recover the fees that we'd paid him :)

01100011 8y ago
Haha nice. We started out amicable but then we got a mediator who sided with my ex and immediately set the expectation that I'd be paying $4,650/month for 17 years(until she hit retirement age. The marriage was 19 years.). I countered with $2,600/mo and things stalled. Then she got mad one day and took a swing at me, forcing me to sleep on a friend's couch until she vacated the house. Finally we lawyered up. She moved out of state so I got to deal with her lawyer and found that her lawyer thought she was a nutcase. I mentioned the original mediator's suggested support amount and she was astonished. Her lawyer said she should have taken the $2,600/mo and been happy. Right now I'm paying $3,200/mo and that lasts for 3 years, then I pay for a vocational evaluation and take her back to court(for $10k-$100k according to my lawyer). Hopefully the judge will reduce the amount at that point. Fortunately in California the prevailing attitude now seems to be that alimony is temporary and transitional, so I'm hoping I don't have to pay indefinitely.