Jokes aside, you could partially burn it, into charcoal, then grind down the charcoal, soak it in urea, and mix it with soil. The charcoal bits remain stable i

Jokes aside, you could partially burn it, into charcoal, then grind down the charcoal, soak it in urea, and mix it with soil. The charcoal bits remain stable in soil for quite a long time, and helps retain plant nutrients.