5 ms·

Absolutely, people are vastly underestimating the social and health effects of loneliness. Loneliness is the gateway drug to depression and resentment. Of cou

Absolutely, people are vastly underestimating the social and health effects of loneliness. Loneliness is the gateway drug to depression and resentment. Of course, I am referring to unwanted loneliness here. I think people who are comfortable being alone for most of their lives aren't in the same category.

Aaargh20318 8y ago
> I think people who are comfortable being alone for most of their lives aren't in the same category. In fact, we suffer from the opposite problem: lack of solitude. Frankly, I think this is a much bigger problem than the overblown loneliness issue. There are people everywhere, avoiding them is practically impossible.
- thaumasiotes 8y ago
  > There are people everywhere, avoiding them is practically impossible. Move to another country, where you don't speak the language. There will still be people, but they won't interact with you.
  - Aaargh20318 8y ago
    That’s not solitude. I shouldn’t have to have to see or hear anyone for the rest of my life if I don’t want to.
    - thaumasiotes 8y ago
      There have always been hermits too. But if you tried it, you would find that isolation behind the language barrier felt like solitude to you.
- Razengan 8y ago
  I'm a bit in both camps. I have no social contacts and I often work from home. Most of the time I don't even want to hear anyone, and get agitated by the noise of traffic (which is a constant where I live.) However after sitting at the computer for a while I do crave human interaction. Places like Reddit, HN or online games are my usual venues for that, but they don't fix physical isolation. As per my other comment [0], my Holy Grail is being able to do my thing in proximity to other people, in a beautiful environment, without having to interact with anyone or being affected by them, like a calm park with internet access and something to put my laptop on. :) This usually gives me the best of both worlds. [0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17944802 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17944802
- dorkwood 8y ago
  I agree. Needing a full-time job to survive means I get maybe three hours of time to myself each day. The rest is in an open plan office or commuting. And it’s not even true solitude, since rent prices here force me to share a house with other people. As long as I have a close friend or two that I can share my thoughts with when the need arises, and personal activities that occupy my thoughts and time when I’m by myself, I can’t imagine feeling lonely ever again. More solitude, please.
Broken_Hippo 8y ago
Loneliness is not the same as being alone. My first taste of gut-wrenching loneliness was when I was 13. I was a little lonely before, but then we moved. That wasn't the issue. Some girls decided I was lesbian. Now, them being half correct is besides the point (I'm bisexual at 40 years old). The entire freaking school stopped talking to me. It eased up a bit next year since there were some new faces in high school, but I struggled for years and years. I struggled with loneliness, in part because I never actually felt like I could just be myself. The midwest, especially in small to medium sized towns, is full of social pressure to conform - in this case, it was usually conformation to the traditional family setup with ties to some christian sect. I could sometimes find small groups of friends that simply accepted me, but sometimes not. 5 years ago I moved to Norway. I knew exactly one person. But I'm also not lonely. This is a place known for being difficult to meet people and make friends, but I've honestly been happier. I have two or three friends, and find that society mostly doesn't care about me conforming as much. Sure, I'm not accepted by everyone, but society itself is set up to try to be inclusive instead of tossing aside folks that do not fit in. It was a real life-changer.

Aaargh20318 8y ago

> I think people who are comfortable being alone for most of their lives aren't in the same category. In fact, we suffer from the opposite problem: lack of solitude. Frankly, I think this is a much bigger problem than the overblown loneliness issue. There are people everywhere, avoiding them is practically impossible.

thaumasiotes 8y ago
> There are people everywhere, avoiding them is practically impossible. Move to another country, where you don't speak the language. There will still be people, but they won't interact with you.
- Aaargh20318 8y ago
  That’s not solitude. I shouldn’t have to have to see or hear anyone for the rest of my life if I don’t want to.
  - thaumasiotes 8y ago
    There have always been hermits too. But if you tried it, you would find that isolation behind the language barrier felt like solitude to you.
Razengan 8y ago
I'm a bit in both camps. I have no social contacts and I often work from home. Most of the time I don't even want to hear anyone, and get agitated by the noise of traffic (which is a constant where I live.) However after sitting at the computer for a while I do crave human interaction. Places like Reddit, HN or online games are my usual venues for that, but they don't fix physical isolation. As per my other comment [0], my Holy Grail is being able to do my thing in proximity to other people, in a beautiful environment, without having to interact with anyone or being affected by them, like a calm park with internet access and something to put my laptop on. :) This usually gives me the best of both worlds. [0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17944802 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17944802
dorkwood 8y ago
I agree. Needing a full-time job to survive means I get maybe three hours of time to myself each day. The rest is in an open plan office or commuting. And it’s not even true solitude, since rent prices here force me to share a house with other people. As long as I have a close friend or two that I can share my thoughts with when the need arises, and personal activities that occupy my thoughts and time when I’m by myself, I can’t imagine feeling lonely ever again. More solitude, please.

Broken_Hippo 8y ago

Loneliness is not the same as being alone. My first taste of gut-wrenching loneliness was when I was 13. I was a little lonely before, but then we moved. That wasn't the issue. Some girls decided I was lesbian. Now, them being half correct is besides the point (I'm bisexual at 40 years old). The entire freaking school stopped talking to me. It eased up a bit next year since there were some new faces in high school, but I struggled for years and years. I struggled with loneliness, in part because I never actually felt like I could just be myself. The midwest, especially in small to medium sized towns, is full of social pressure to conform - in this case, it was usually conformation to the traditional family setup with ties to some christian sect. I could sometimes find small groups of friends that simply accepted me, but sometimes not. 5 years ago I moved to Norway. I knew exactly one person. But I'm also not lonely. This is a place known for being difficult to meet people and make friends, but I've honestly been happier. I have two or three friends, and find that society mostly doesn't care about me conforming as much. Sure, I'm not accepted by everyone, but society itself is set up to try to be inclusive instead of tossing aside folks that do not fit in. It was a real life-changer.