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I usually find a lot to agree with in your posts, but this time I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. Also want to pus

by kaitai 8y ago

I usually find a lot to agree with in your posts, but this time I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. Also want to push back a bit on having kids and then "just hiring other people to do everything for them". Many cultures have extended family, grandparents, other wives, other adults/older children do child care. The nuclear model is not the norm in the world or in history and we should examine that. Economics in India are pretty different, and it's seen as a responsibility to the community to employ people as cooks/maids/drivers/nannies. If you don't hire people and you can, you're a selfish person not contributing to the welfare of your community. Americans hire help to free up time for work; it's not the same aesthetic in India. Moreover, the number of full-time dads is still disappointingly low, though it isn't brought up when we talk about SpaceX or NASA. Thanks, though, for acknowledging that not all children are planned and that options for planning are eroding.

DoreenMichele 8y ago
I usually find a lot to agree with in your posts, but this time I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. For the record, I upvoted the other comment that made this same point (as well as your comment). I considered thanking them, but long history suggests such comments by me go weird and problematic places. I don't know a fix for that, so I sometimes upvote as my only expression of gratitude for a good contribution to the discussion. Many cultures have extended family, grandparents, other wives, other adults/older children do child care. In my eyes, that is completely different from just hiring help. FWIW, when my brother got custody of his infant son during his divorce, my father officially retired and stayed home with the child while my brother and mother continued working. My father never changed a single diaper for any of his own kids. I think he was in his 60s when he learned to change a diaper so he could provide childcare for his grandchild. I have my reservations about the two career couple model that is promoted by so many people. It is promoted as a women's equality thing, but the reality is that those children are typically being raised by a woman, just not their own mother. It actually creates a class divide if you really think about it. I don't know the solution, but we need to spend more time figuring out how to resolve this conflict without shortchanging some demographic. I don't see that issue being discussed enough. Thank you for your comment. I think you misread part of mine, but if others also misread it, it's good to get that information out there. Best.
wtmt 8y ago
> I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. As someone in India, I responded to a similar comment above explaining why such indignation and generalization would be inappropriate and incorrect. Please see https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17913844 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17913844

by kaitai 8y ago

DoreenMichele 8y ago

I usually find a lot to agree with in your posts, but this time I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. For the record, I upvoted the other comment that made this same point (as well as your comment). I considered thanking them, but long history suggests such comments by me go weird and problematic places. I don't know a fix for that, so I sometimes upvote as my only expression of gratitude for a good contribution to the discussion. Many cultures have extended family, grandparents, other wives, other adults/older children do child care. In my eyes, that is completely different from just hiring help. FWIW, when my brother got custody of his infant son during his divorce, my father officially retired and stayed home with the child while my brother and mother continued working. My father never changed a single diaper for any of his own kids. I think he was in his 60s when he learned to change a diaper so he could provide childcare for his grandchild. I have my reservations about the two career couple model that is promoted by so many people. It is promoted as a women's equality thing, but the reality is that those children are typically being raised by a woman, just not their own mother. It actually creates a class divide if you really think about it. I don't know the solution, but we need to spend more time figuring out how to resolve this conflict without shortchanging some demographic. I don't see that issue being discussed enough. Thank you for your comment. I think you misread part of mine, but if others also misread it, it's good to get that information out there. Best.

wtmt 8y ago

> I want to push back on arranged marriage = forced marriage. That's just false. As someone in India, I responded to a similar comment above explaining why such indignation and generalization would be inappropriate and incorrect. Please see https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17913844 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17913844