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How to Get Kids to Do Chores: Does the Maya Method Work?
- EGreg 8y agoInception! And reverse psychology Make the child observe for a long time without allowing them to do it. Children naturally want to imitate and begiin to master tasks. So this is how you make them WANT to do it.
- PhilWright 8y agoOdd, because my 9 year old never wants to pick up his clothes even though his parents always do. When does this imitation kick in?
- eboyjr 8y agoIt's probably too late now to make it easy. At that age, I wasn't particularly inspired to do things my parents didn't enjoy doing. This article[0] suggests it's around 1-3 years old (toddlers). [0]: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/06/09/616928895/how-to-get-your-kids-to-do-chores-without-resenting-it https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2018/06/09/6169288...
- rayiner 8y agoThis isn’t Mayan “supermom” magic. Kids all over the world (including the US) do manual labor around the house/farm. Kids who don’t earn their keep are a relatively new invention. (I’m probably the first child in my family line to not work growing up. Most Americans probably are not more than a generation or two removed from that.)
- addicted 8y agoExcept this concept appears to be about making chores fun for kids before they can even do those chores properly. Which is clearly different than kids “earning their keep” which presumes they’re at an age that they can actually successfully and competently do those tasks.
- eh78ssxv2f 8y agoBut is it really critical to make chores feel fun for the kids? By definition, chores are routine tasks, and it's natural for kids and adults to feel them as "not fun". I believe it's important to make kids realize that for the household to run successfully, we have to do them despite them being "not fun".
- Firadeoclus 8y agoOr you can learn that "not fun" is usually not in the chore itself but in the attitude towards it.
- emodendroket 8y agoI mean, drudgery for the sake of it doesn't seem great either.
- slededit 8y agoHaving to do work that is not fun is an important life skill. Children should have lots of play time, but "work" needs to be understood. You do it even if you don't like it because nobody else will do it for you.
- gowld 8y ago"Play" is the psychological/biological term for how children (of all species) learn important life skills by naturally finding them fun. Now that important life skills aren't obvious/instinctive because society is so complex, making those complex skills fun is the way to integrate them into the child's natural humanity. We don't need to make children miserable just for misery's sake out of some Puritanical ethic.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- slededit 8y agoNobody is saying to overload a child until they are unhappy. But the lesson needs to be learned that even if they don't naturally find it fun it still has to be done.
- egocodedinsol 8y agoI agree that children have historically put in a lot of work. The premise of the article is that the “Maya method” makes them more likely to volunteer to do so. At least that’s what led the author to try to engage the toddler in chores.
- forkLding 8y agoReminds me of how I did my chores as a kid and how I learnt to cook
- unit91 8y agoHow it works in my house: "Son, do your chores please." "Yes, sir." Done.
- upzone3 8y agoFunny, that’s how it works with my boyfriend too!
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- colechristensen 8y agoI've never met anyone who referred to their parent like that who didn't have at least a marginally abusive family life. It is plainly offensive to address kin as "sir".
- eboyjr 8y agoIt's an authoritarian parenting style, and I don't think anyone really likes it. But there's nothing here to suggest any marginal physical or emotional abuse. I personally know a few traditional Mexican families where the father is addressed as "sir" as a sign of respect but still knows how to care for their children.
- colechristensen 8y agoAbuse doesn't have to be physical.
- elboru 8y agoReally? from what part of Mexico? I'm Mexican and I've never heard someone addressing their father as "sir" (señor) not even "father" (padre) we usually use "dad" (papá), even using "usted" instead of "tu" is not common anymore. But then again Mexico is a really big and diverse country, so there must be zones where that could happen.
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- tootie 8y agoI don't think the Mayan people have better long-term outcomes for their kids despite being helpful. My kids are prepping for college. I'll make sure they pick up life skills as they become able.
- swasheck 8y agoI guess that depends on the outcomes that you've set as goals.
- j45 8y agoBeing a self-sufficient and well rounded adult is universal, regardless of the superiority some parents seem to have outlined for their college bound kids.
- cycrutchfield 8y agoYour kids are prepping for college as toddlers?
- ekianjo 8y agoLearning life skills around college timing is late, to say the least.
- jjeaff 8y agoBecause college is more important than life skills?
- scotty79 8y agoYes? Or does being a cleaner, washer, cook or server beats college?
- PeterStuer 8y agoTrust me. If you need so much time 'prepping for college' that you can't spare a few minutes helping out with the house chores, you're not college material. It's never an 'either chores or college, pick one', and no, people that cook and clean their own home aren't looking for a professional career in that, and cleaners didn't 'choose' that profession because they were conditioned as toddlers to clean.
- paulie_a 8y agoYou tell them to do it.
- empath75 8y agoI’ve actually stayed with a Mayan family in Guatemala for a month or so while I was taking Spanish classes and the ‘maya secret’ is mostly that they’re really poor, there’s no concept of upward mobility and their entire extended family lives near by and they’re going to do what their parents and their parents parents and their parents parents did for a living. I’m not downing them— they’ve been the victims of a huge amount of discrimination and their country’s economy is a basket case, so they do as well as they can giving their circumstances. But I guarantee that if the Mayan family moved to the us or even Guatemala City, that life style would disappear in a generation. There’s actually a lot to be said for that way of life. There’s a real sense of community that I don’t think I’ve ever felt anywhere in the us. I thought about moving there, but as with everything there’s good and bad aspects of it.
- zmmmmm 8y agoSeems like a classic "meaningless anecdote" type article. I understand why they are written this way, but it irritates me: "Let's address a common issue which mysteriously, science has not managed to solve by applying some science!" immediately followed up by "Here's a completely unscientific observation that I will imply you should interpret as some sort of evidence". I can't help but think that such writing does more harm than good in that it probably convinces a lot of lay people that this is how scientists operate, resulting in them having little to no faith that science itself is a rigorous discipline.
- splittingTimes 8y agoI generally agree with your sentiment. But To be fair, the linked article about the scientific part of the supermom actually takes a very critical look at the scientific studies. Also applying the principle of charity [1], you could think of it this way: the author looked at some studies, did a field trip. Now she tries an experiment at home and reports on it. She does not claim to present any rigorous scientific findings. === [1] https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity
- AstralStorm 8y agoAt least someone tried which is more than can be said about many sociology studies. We just need this to also be reproduced in a more rigorous setting and design.
- nipponese 8y agoWho would have thought being a parent meant being a good leader.
- otterpro 8y agoI'd like to add step 0. * No smartphones in the house. It allows the parents to be "present", as well as eliminate the greatest source of distraction, which applies to both the parents and the kids.
- bdamm 8y agoThis would require convincing my other family members to give up their smartphones (such as my wife) and that ain't going to happen. You see, unless the family you've made is a strict dictatorship, there's more than one vote. And I don't want to live in or create a dictatorship.
- wincy 8y agoMy wife and I both agree to do smartphone detox every once in awhile. We set the parental control passwords on each other’s phones, and block safari and web browsing, and new app installs. Also YouTube and social media apps. We can still listen to audiobooks and it’s voluntary both ways. My wife decides what she wants me to block and if the other asks we re enable it. The first few days really really suck. It’s super boring and I feel like an addict with how many times I unlock my phone then realize there’s nothing to do on it. At the same time, after you’ve reset your “baseline” stimulation level, it’s amazing how many things get done. Also, my daughter LOVES how much attention she gets. It’s not a dictatorship, but that doesn’t mean you and your wife can’t be of one accord sometimes. If it’s sometbing you’re truly interest in, and not just writing off because you think it’s a dumb idea, have a conversation with your wife. You might be surprised.
- bigbugbag 8y agoFrom what you describe it seems you already live under the dictatorship of the locked down pocket computer that can be used to make phone calls. Clearly your family is engaging in voluntary servitude and is probably highly dependent.
- jaxn 8y agoFix the behavior of the parents
- bdamm 8y agoHer first step was to give birth to a baby girl. Much of the rest follows.
- suzzer99 8y agoI don't think sacrificing your kids on an altar in front of the whole city is the best strategy for getting them to do chores. But maybe I'm old school.
- dang 8y agoPlease don't do this here.
- HumanMusic 8y agoThere's an interesting assumption being made here, that kids should do chores. I only started doing chores when I started living alone at 17 years old. Would have done chores improved me or my life in any way? The way I see it, there are far more interesting and educative ways to use a kids young years, when their brain is the most plastic. I was never forced, or barely even asked to help with chores, I was actually pretty curious about them. Although I never did chores with any regularity, I learned how to cook, bake and clean just out of curiosity.
- refoundglory 8y agoIf you learned to do them anyway, then perhaps it wouldn't have helped you. But my experience with friends and roommates has given plenty of examples where people didn't learn to do basic chores before leaving home, and it made their life significantly harder.
- chosenbreed 8y agoInteresting observation. I think it is important to highlight things that are taken for granted. There are seems to be an assumption that there is "the right way" to raise kids and that it should be constant from generation to generation. I'm not so sure that's the case...
- interatx 8y agoWe pair program with new hires on simpler tasks and gradually build them up. Sounds very similar.
- ngngngng 8y agoI'm having my first kid soon and have pretty high ambitions for teaching him to program. Maybe I'll try the pair programming/Mayan chore method to get him up to speed.
- aikinai 8y agoMaybe better to first wait and see what he/she is interested in?
- ngngngng 8y agoOf course, but even if they're not interested in calculus or US history we make them learn that. I just want my kids to be good enough at programming that it's a solid backup option so they can feel free to pursue anything their hearts desire knowing they can fall back on that.
- aikinai 8y agoOh okay, not my place to judge anyway, but sounds like a good plan.
- alexashka 8y agoMaybe they can just fall back on having discovered what they're good at, by the time they're 20, because they've had the opportunity to try many things, because their parents recognize that the job of a parent is to help children discover themselves, not fulfill their parents' ideas of success, least of all financial. Serving at Starbucks may not seem like a 'solid' option to you, but I assure you I've met many more happy people there, than sitting in an 'open-office', being bad at their job, knowing they're bad, and still doing it, because of how 'solid' it is.
- toomanybeersies 8y agoThe problem is that most parents don't want to (or can't) invest the time and effort into teaching their kids how to do household tasks. When your children are young it's easier to just to tasks yourself than to try and get your children to do it, they'll break things and make mistakes in the course of learning. But that's how you learn. I had to cook dinner once a week from the age of around 12. Sure my parents had a few shit dinners when I started out and sometimes I made a massive mess (or set things on fire!), but I learned how to cook and bake. Same goes for any other household tasks. Of course, the other secret to the Maya Method is La Chancla: https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/11/04/361205792/la-chancla-flip-flops-as-a-tool-of-discipline https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2014/11/04/361205792...
- refoundglory 8y agoIt's totally possible to learn to cook without ever ruining a meal. You start by working under supervision and doing prep tasks - a lot like the hierarchy in a professional kitchen.
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- wincy 8y agoMy daughter is three and she already cracks the eggs for breakfast. We’ve ended up with a few yolks on the countertop but it works pretty well. Today I took out the garbage and came back to discover she’d put a new bag in, without any prompting whatsoever. She desperately -wants- to be useful and get our approval, and it’s really endearing. It makes me really proud of my little child, even if the day before she pulled all the stuffing out of the pillow. It believe it also helps that we don’t have TV or any electronic devices for her to use. We dabbled in Daniel Tiger and the like, and her behavior immediately became worse, and the TV was the only way to mollify her.
- toomanybeersies 8y agoMy parents were never adventurous cooks (ironic, considering they love travelling to other countries for their cuisine), but I've always loved pushing culinary boundaries. A standard dinner cooked by my mum might consist of rice, microwaved vegetables, and microwaved chicken breast with a jar or packet of sauce mix. Most meals my parents cooked were based around pre-made sauces or seasoning packets. I think the ruined meals were more a case of me biting off more than I could chew and attempting something beyond my skill level. I've always loved experimenting in the kitchen, but when I was starting out it didn't always go so well. My experimenting has paid dividends though, as people are constantly impressed at everything I cook.
- mrob 8y agoPlain text version: https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=641266260 https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=641266260
- pieterjands 8y agothank you!
- deletemenow 8y agoFeminists would say teaching a young lady to cook is sexist. Apparently only men should cook and clean now.
- rco8786 8y agoYour username is spot on
- deletemenow 8y agoMaybe not everything in life is supposed to be fun and entertaining which is why the new generation cant even maintain a conversation or go 5 seconds without staring into their phone.
- rb666 8y ago"And toddlers are great at rinsing dishes before putting them into the dishwasher." Don't teach them kids to waste water rinsing dishes! The dishwasher works most efficiently if chunks of food are removed (scrape into trash), but not rinsed.
- orasis 8y agoYour values aren’t universal. In some places water is abundant.
- Rapzid 8y agoThis reminds me of the Kiwi skit with the water police going around making people turn on their sprinklers and spigots so the country didn't flood.
- Sag0Sag0 8y agoIn some places food is abundant. That doesn't mean we should waste it.
- gnicholas 8y agoYou know the saying “X doesn’t grow on trees”? Water literally falls from the sky. Sure, there are some parts of the world where it is in short supply, but where it is abundant, there is virtually no impact of overuse in a family setting. Comparing it to food doesn’t make sense because food has to be planted, watered, fertilized, harvested, and transported. Water that falls into a local reservoir takes a negligible amount of energy by comparison.
- ryanmarsh 8y agoI don’t understand how people have a problem getting their children to do their chores. Just having a good attitude (I’m referring to the parent) and investing the time is all it takes. Frankly, getting responsible adults to do chores requires no less of an investment.
- lostmyoldone 8y agoIt's quite simple really, not all children are the same. I would be the first to agree that investing the time and having a good attitude would probably be quite enough for many families. But I feel that it would be quite unfair to many families to suggest that it always works, because it doesn't. Why it doesn't always work like this might be easiest shown by considering cases of rather minor cognitive disabilities, some of which can still make doing chores a lifelong struggle. In this context it's clear to a anyone having relevant experience with such a disability - even disabilities at subclinical levels - that any blanket statement about what works is always false. The variety is simply too great. Extrapolating from that we can conclude that: As there are few, or no, binary parameters when it comes to humans, the above example is enough to show that the reason why not all parents get their children to do chores is that we are currently bounded at the top - at least - by our lack of understanding of the immense cognitive variation in humans, and our ability for effective interventions. The story is more complex than that, and it is likely much could be done to improve outcomes for both parents and children.
- ryanmarsh 8y agoOk so parents of special needs children are off the hook. The rest of humanity shares more similarities than differences.
- cwp 8y agoThis reminds me of Montessori "casa" classrooms. At ages 3-6, kids learn a variety of tasks that are akin to household chores, things like sweeping, polishing silverware or serving tea. It's not quite like the article - kids participating in the normal operation of the household - but slightly more ceremonial, doing the task beautifully, for it's own sake.
- crazy_monkey 8y agoThat's nice. The Mayans were also known for child sacrifices too...
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- CitizenTekk 8y agoIt all defines and will reflect on how parents teach them. It's not a child labor or something if you teach a child to do some chores. Teach them while you can as they will carry it thru them in their whole life as they also will become a parent when time comes. It is their privilege not yours(parent). Childredn in Japan are thought to do chores it's not some technique or something, It's to teach them how to be responsible https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/featurephilia/story/students-in-japan-clean-their-own-classrooms-and-school-toilets-and-the-reason-is-incredible-1227619-2018-05-06 https://www.indiatoday.in/education-today/featurephilia/stor...
- aplc0r 8y agoBased on what I've been told by relatives who grew up in Japan, students are also required to help clean the classrooms and other school facilities from grade school through high school. This is probably wishful thinking, but if we had this in the U.S., we may have fewer adults who think they can act like pigs in shared spaces. I remember a kid in middle school who dropped his lunch tray, spilling food all over a table and the floor. He got up and went back to the line to get more food. I asked him why he didn't try to clean it up or at least tell someone. He told me "That is what the janitors are for". For some reason this really stuck with me, and I think about it whenever I see someone purposely littering.
- INTPenis 8y agoI remember reading the first article about the Mayan moms and now this made me think that this method is very logical and we just forgot in our rushed modern lifestyle. When you think about it, a child not doing chores is raised to believe they're somehow outside of the family unit. Most families start with one child and two parents. So you're subconsciously telling that one child that you are its servants and all it will ever do in life is play.
- rawfan 8y agoI don't have kids myself but what always amazes me with my friends is the drama when the kids have to go to bed. One friend doesn't force his kids (3 and 4) to go to bed at a specific time. They can stay awake and play (quietly) for as longs as they want. The only two catches are: they have to stay in their room and they have to get up for kindergarden in the morning. Boom! No more drama. They usually even ask for the light to be turned off after kissing them goodnight. I told other friends about it and they got the same results.
- TheBeardKing 8y agoIt's all about routine. Brush your teeth, PJs, brush hair, get it done and in bed because the lamp is on a timer and it's going off regardless.
- coldtea 8y agoForce them? It always worked for me and my brothers! Household chores, Pfft. In 2/3rds of the world kids as small as 10 even help with actual work in the fields, house, and so on, and the family wouldn't manage otherwise.
- aliswe 8y agohttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kHvm1J9HVLo https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kHvm1J9HVLo "How to turn your words - that are currently seen as trash - into gold"
- gowld 8y agoPreviously discussed at length on in June: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17280710 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17280710
- deleted 8y ago[deleted]
- merrinkurian 8y ago‘Maya method’ is just clickbait. This is how most of the rest of the world operates. Kids being the boss is a relatively new phenomenon and probably started and flourished in the western/urban setting. I used to help with household chores until I went to college and all of that came in handy when I started to live on my own when I got my first job. And my mom mostly never asked me to do it, it was just about being part of the household and sharing responsibilities. And yes, I was never paid to do any of it, neither was my mom.