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The way I see it is that although in most relationships people expect reciprocation, they differ in how strictly the people involved are keeping tabs on the dif

The way I see it is that although in most relationships people expect reciprocation, they differ in how strictly the people involved are keeping tabs on the difference between how much each is contributing. In relationships like the ones described in this article, both parties are paying more attention to whether they're getting what they perceive to be a fair reward for what they are providing to the other, and should the balance ever shift too far out of their favor, they will presumably end the relationship. On the other extreme, in a relationship between two very close childhood friends or between two deeply romantically involved people, one will often do nice things for the other without (I claim) necessarily checking the books to see all the nice things they've done vs. all the nice things the other's done in the past week before deciding whether to do the nice thing. They just do the nice thing, knowing that in the past the other has done the same for them. Only if there comes to be a very long period of non-reciprocation will the other party wake to the one-sidedness of the relationship and begin to reconsider.

scotty79 8y ago
> ... should the balance ever shift too far out of their favor, they will presumably end the relationship. This pretty much describes all relationships except those where one falls horribly ill or the ones where one sticks around despite abuse. > They just do the nice thing, knowing that in the past the other has done the same for them. Only if there comes to be a very long period of non-reciprocation will the other party wake to the one-sidedness of the relationship and begin to reconsider. I think this might be the case in many sugar relationships. That's why it's sometimes hard to describe them as just sex work.
- jacobush 8y ago
  But on a scale, typically closer to sex work and much farther from friendship, right?
  - scotty79 8y ago
    Right. That's what unsettling people. That and the fact that boundries are fuzzy and fluid.
throwaw-zxcvbn 8y ago
It's not only how strictly you keep tabs on things, the nature of the exchanged "goods" changes as well, in particular it becomes more asymmetric. In an equal relationship, both contribute economic resources, emotional support, domestic work, sexual pleasure, etc. Traditionally, in the West, there was an asymmetry in that the woman provided the domestic work, the man the outside work with the concomitant salary; but the asymmetry has shrunk over the decades, due also to the increased opportunities of women in the work force. In these sugar relationships, there is massive asymmetry in the nature of the contributions; it's an intermediary between prostitution (pure money vs sex, short term) and marriage (lots and lots of stuff vs lots and lots of stuff, long term), but arguably closer to the former.

scotty79 8y ago

> ... should the balance ever shift too far out of their favor, they will presumably end the relationship. This pretty much describes all relationships except those where one falls horribly ill or the ones where one sticks around despite abuse. > They just do the nice thing, knowing that in the past the other has done the same for them. Only if there comes to be a very long period of non-reciprocation will the other party wake to the one-sidedness of the relationship and begin to reconsider. I think this might be the case in many sugar relationships. That's why it's sometimes hard to describe them as just sex work.

jacobush 8y ago
But on a scale, typically closer to sex work and much farther from friendship, right?
- scotty79 8y ago
  Right. That's what unsettling people. That and the fact that boundries are fuzzy and fluid.

throwaw-zxcvbn 8y ago

It's not only how strictly you keep tabs on things, the nature of the exchanged "goods" changes as well, in particular it becomes more asymmetric. In an equal relationship, both contribute economic resources, emotional support, domestic work, sexual pleasure, etc. Traditionally, in the West, there was an asymmetry in that the woman provided the domestic work, the man the outside work with the concomitant salary; but the asymmetry has shrunk over the decades, due also to the increased opportunities of women in the work force. In these sugar relationships, there is massive asymmetry in the nature of the contributions; it's an intermediary between prostitution (pure money vs sex, short term) and marriage (lots and lots of stuff vs lots and lots of stuff, long term), but arguably closer to the former.