5 ms·

My opinion is that likely mostly impacts men. I see men struggling to find women to date (and the opposite for women, too many men to pick from). The internet a

My opinion is that likely mostly impacts men. I see men struggling to find women to date (and the opposite for women, too many men to pick from). The internet and apps have made the dating market very difficult for men in general. Women literally have 100's or 1000's of choices at any given time while men will struggle to have a single option. There are just more men now than ever it seems, and it's really exaggerated in the Western US tech cities. When I go out, I sometimes count and I'll see 20 men to 1 woman at places.

gbear605 8y ago
For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent. [0] So if you see more men than women around you, that's a filter bubble that you've artificially put yourself in. Therefore the converse must be that there are many other places in America where there are more women than men. So go out, socialize, get away from your bubble, and meet other people. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio
- ronnier 8y ago
  Looking at this, singles between 18 and 44, there's just a massive amount of men compared to women: http://jonathansoma.com/singles/#1/6/2/0 http://jonathansoma.com/singles/#1/6/2/0
  - kuroguro 8y ago
    How is that even possible?
    - lainga 8y ago
      Hypergamy?
    - ronnier 8y ago
      Naturally there are more men born than women. I'd guess also more men than women migrate to the US for work. Men used to die in large number from war and work, not so anymore. So here we are.
      - yorwba 8y ago
        Also young women dating older men. Just look at the excess of female singles at the upper end of the age range on that map.
      - btingle 8y ago
        >Naturally there are more men born than women The ratio of men to women in the US is almost exactly 50/50 (with a slight bias to women!) In fact, that ratio has gone down in favor of women over the years[0], which invalidates your last point. And unless you live in a select few states[1] this holds true. Instead of there being a secret gender imbalance cover up, it seems much more likely to me that cities with large tech industries (like NYC) are just swimming with sausage. [0]https://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-9.pdf https://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-9.pdf [1]https://www.statista.com/statistics/301946/us-population-males-per-100-females-by-state/#0 https://www.statista.com/statistics/301946/us-population-mal...
    - gbear605 8y ago
      The website only looks at cities, not at all areas where people live. Simple solution: singles in rural/suburban areas skew female.
      - redisman 8y ago
        Brb starting a tech bros -> rural chicks dating website
  - gbear605 8y ago
    That only charts cities. I strongly suspect that the answer is just that there are unmatched women who lives in more rural/suburban areas. For people between 18 and 44, the number of men very closely matches the number of women. So, ignoring polyamory, the the proportion of singles across America must be very gender-equal. Since that shows that the proportion of singles in cities in male-skewed, the proportion of singles elsewhere must be female-skewed.
    - reversecs 8y ago
      The proportion of single women is not skewed in other cities, its skewed in other age groups. You can have the same number of men and women and the older women have a hard time finding a man and the young men have a hard time finding a woman. It makes sense if you think about older men and younger women being able to easily match up and older women and younger men not being able to find anyone.
- aphextron 8y ago
  >For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent. [0] So if you see more men than women around you, that's a filter bubble that you've artificially put yourself in. Therefore the converse must be that there are many other places in America where there are more women than men. Total number of females in the entire population != the number of reproductive aged heterosexual women within my particular socioeconomic level that are single and seeking a relationship. That number is absolutely tiny in comparison. And with even the slightest convolution for racial or looks preference it's down to maybe a few thousand individuals out of millions in a major metro area.
- justboxing 8y ago
  > For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent Even if true, this means nothing w.r.t. men struggling to find women. Like with most other things in life, a few good (looking) men, rich men, charismatic men disproportionately (get to) date several women, whereas most (,not all) women tend to be loyal to 1 guy [1], so that leaves a lot of men with no potential mate... Natural selection at it's finest. [1] Because society says that if a man has many women, he is a 'Casanova' / 'Player' whereas if a woman has many men, she's labelled a 'Hoe' / 'Bimbo'. So women, even if they desire to be with more than 1 man at a time, either suppress it, or do it very discretely.
  - btingle 8y ago
    Are you saying that there is an epidemic of polyamorous, rich, good looking men? In my experience, men dating multiple women at once, while it does happen, is not very common. Same goes for women. If people mostly pair off 1:1, this hypothesis that a small percentage of men control a large percentage of women (occupy chad street?) doesn’t really make any sense.
  - tomp 8y ago
    > Because society says I often wonder if it's society saying it, or if it's reality (e.g. our biology or plain logic) saying it and our society just echoing. For example, society is saying that you should brush your teeth, but science is also saying that, so it's a good thing that society is echoing and amplifying the message. For the specific example you mentioned, I think it's very likely that society is just echoing what biology is dictating, which is that men have sex/children with as many women as they can, and women to select as good genes for their few children as they can.
lardo 8y ago
Where do you think the women are all hiding?
- iamcasen 8y ago
  OP probably works in a city packed with male-dominated industries, and works in a male dominated industry himself. As a software engineer myself, I find this perfectly understandable. When I took a work trip to NYC and spent time in the financial sector, I was blown away by how many women were around me.
- fossuser 8y ago
  NYC, DC, and a lot of the south.
iamcasen 8y ago
In the US too there is a trend of women taking over the work force due to the nature of where the economy is headed. The kinds of jobs that need doing are jobs that women excel at. Less and less manual labor, more and more intellectual and social labor. There is a huge shift taking place in society, and while I don't think it is a bad thing, there will certainly be a lot of discomfort while society adapts.
gaius 8y ago
I am happily married now of course but when I tried online dating years ago, I remember that many women were hyperspecific about what they wanted in terms of minimum height and minimum income and even make of car in a potential partner. This was written in their profiles. The population of 6-foot-plus BMW driving 6-figures earning men on online dating was probably much, much smaller than the horde of women who would settle for nothing else! When checking out the norms for men when writing my own profile I never saw any men as detailed about their physical requirements, interestingly.
- mynameishere 8y ago
  I suppose I could get a stupid BMW and hit all the desirable points you list, but I doubt it would help. In fact I'm sure it wouldn't. But you aren't kidding about women's preferences on dating sites. They can actually go on and on and on, sometimes numbering fifty or sixty necessary traits. By contrast, what does a man want? Aside from political men who need a competent hostess, I think just about every man wants: 1. A woman who is passably attractive. 2. A woman who isn't crazy. That's about it, but damn that narrows down 3.5 billion women mighty fast.
  - gaius 8y ago
    They can actually go on and on and on, sometimes numbering fifty or sixty necessary traits. I never saw as many as that myself but a dozen or more wouldn’t be unusual. A few might be reasonable such as “must love dogs” but nearly all would be materialistic, or physical traits that no one has any control over. I imagine the authors of these elaborate lists also complain bitterly to anyone who’ll listen that “there are no decent men”. And I never, ever saw a man list the bra size or handbag brand his match should have...
mathgenius 8y ago
Try social dancing: salsa, argentine tango, swing.

gbear605 8y ago

For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent. [0] So if you see more men than women around you, that's a filter bubble that you've artificially put yourself in. Therefore the converse must be that there are many other places in America where there are more women than men. So go out, socialize, get away from your bubble, and meet other people. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

ronnier 8y ago
Looking at this, singles between 18 and 44, there's just a massive amount of men compared to women: http://jonathansoma.com/singles/#1/6/2/0 http://jonathansoma.com/singles/#1/6/2/0
- kuroguro 8y ago
  How is that even possible?
  - lainga 8y ago
    Hypergamy?
  - ronnier 8y ago
    Naturally there are more men born than women. I'd guess also more men than women migrate to the US for work. Men used to die in large number from war and work, not so anymore. So here we are.
    - yorwba 8y ago
      Also young women dating older men. Just look at the excess of female singles at the upper end of the age range on that map.
    - btingle 8y ago
      >Naturally there are more men born than women The ratio of men to women in the US is almost exactly 50/50 (with a slight bias to women!) In fact, that ratio has gone down in favor of women over the years[0], which invalidates your last point. And unless you live in a select few states[1] this holds true. Instead of there being a secret gender imbalance cover up, it seems much more likely to me that cities with large tech industries (like NYC) are just swimming with sausage. [0]https://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-9.pdf https://www.census.gov/prod/2001pubs/c2kbr01-9.pdf [1]https://www.statista.com/statistics/301946/us-population-males-per-100-females-by-state/#0 https://www.statista.com/statistics/301946/us-population-mal...
  - gbear605 8y ago
    The website only looks at cities, not at all areas where people live. Simple solution: singles in rural/suburban areas skew female.
    - redisman 8y ago
      Brb starting a tech bros -> rural chicks dating website
- gbear605 8y ago
  That only charts cities. I strongly suspect that the answer is just that there are unmatched women who lives in more rural/suburban areas. For people between 18 and 44, the number of men very closely matches the number of women. So, ignoring polyamory, the the proportion of singles across America must be very gender-equal. Since that shows that the proportion of singles in cities in male-skewed, the proportion of singles elsewhere must be female-skewed.
  - reversecs 8y ago
    The proportion of single women is not skewed in other cities, its skewed in other age groups. You can have the same number of men and women and the older women have a hard time finding a man and the young men have a hard time finding a woman. It makes sense if you think about older men and younger women being able to easily match up and older women and younger men not being able to find anyone.
aphextron 8y ago
>For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent. [0] So if you see more men than women around you, that's a filter bubble that you've artificially put yourself in. Therefore the converse must be that there are many other places in America where there are more women than men. Total number of females in the entire population != the number of reproductive aged heterosexual women within my particular socioeconomic level that are single and seeking a relationship. That number is absolutely tiny in comparison. And with even the slightest convolution for racial or looks preference it's down to maybe a few thousand individuals out of millions in a major metro area.
justboxing 8y ago
> For people between 25 and 54, in America, there are almost exactly as many men as women, to within less than one percent Even if true, this means nothing w.r.t. men struggling to find women. Like with most other things in life, a few good (looking) men, rich men, charismatic men disproportionately (get to) date several women, whereas most (,not all) women tend to be loyal to 1 guy [1], so that leaves a lot of men with no potential mate... Natural selection at it's finest. [1] Because society says that if a man has many women, he is a 'Casanova' / 'Player' whereas if a woman has many men, she's labelled a 'Hoe' / 'Bimbo'. So women, even if they desire to be with more than 1 man at a time, either suppress it, or do it very discretely.
- btingle 8y ago
  Are you saying that there is an epidemic of polyamorous, rich, good looking men? In my experience, men dating multiple women at once, while it does happen, is not very common. Same goes for women. If people mostly pair off 1:1, this hypothesis that a small percentage of men control a large percentage of women (occupy chad street?) doesn’t really make any sense.
- tomp 8y ago
  > Because society says I often wonder if it's society saying it, or if it's reality (e.g. our biology or plain logic) saying it and our society just echoing. For example, society is saying that you should brush your teeth, but science is also saying that, so it's a good thing that society is echoing and amplifying the message. For the specific example you mentioned, I think it's very likely that society is just echoing what biology is dictating, which is that men have sex/children with as many women as they can, and women to select as good genes for their few children as they can.

lardo 8y ago

Where do you think the women are all hiding?

iamcasen 8y ago
OP probably works in a city packed with male-dominated industries, and works in a male dominated industry himself. As a software engineer myself, I find this perfectly understandable. When I took a work trip to NYC and spent time in the financial sector, I was blown away by how many women were around me.
fossuser 8y ago
NYC, DC, and a lot of the south.

iamcasen 8y ago

In the US too there is a trend of women taking over the work force due to the nature of where the economy is headed. The kinds of jobs that need doing are jobs that women excel at. Less and less manual labor, more and more intellectual and social labor. There is a huge shift taking place in society, and while I don't think it is a bad thing, there will certainly be a lot of discomfort while society adapts.

gaius 8y ago

I am happily married now of course but when I tried online dating years ago, I remember that many women were hyperspecific about what they wanted in terms of minimum height and minimum income and even make of car in a potential partner. This was written in their profiles. The population of 6-foot-plus BMW driving 6-figures earning men on online dating was probably much, much smaller than the horde of women who would settle for nothing else! When checking out the norms for men when writing my own profile I never saw any men as detailed about their physical requirements, interestingly.

mynameishere 8y ago
I suppose I could get a stupid BMW and hit all the desirable points you list, but I doubt it would help. In fact I'm sure it wouldn't. But you aren't kidding about women's preferences on dating sites. They can actually go on and on and on, sometimes numbering fifty or sixty necessary traits. By contrast, what does a man want? Aside from political men who need a competent hostess, I think just about every man wants: 1. A woman who is passably attractive. 2. A woman who isn't crazy. That's about it, but damn that narrows down 3.5 billion women mighty fast.
- gaius 8y ago
  They can actually go on and on and on, sometimes numbering fifty or sixty necessary traits. I never saw as many as that myself but a dozen or more wouldn’t be unusual. A few might be reasonable such as “must love dogs” but nearly all would be materialistic, or physical traits that no one has any control over. I imagine the authors of these elaborate lists also complain bitterly to anyone who’ll listen that “there are no decent men”. And I never, ever saw a man list the bra size or handbag brand his match should have...

mathgenius 8y ago

Try social dancing: salsa, argentine tango, swing.