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I'm guessing because you're on this site, you might have a professional life and/or hobbies that skew towards the introverted and solitary, or at the very least

I'm guessing because you're on this site, you might have a professional life and/or hobbies that skew towards the introverted and solitary, or at the very least are predominantly male-dominated. Ultimately you have to find activities that allow you to meet a more diverse group of people, and when doing so, project a general air of confidence and sociability. Keep doing it until it becomes natural, it may take years. Maybe you'll meet someone special romantically, maybe you'll just make friends. Either way you win. If you're not working out, then start. It will help immensely. If you're not eating right, then start. These are the two most important things you can do, especially if you don't know where to start. Leverage existing social networks - have friends who are couples? get to know them better, its possible they'll know someone they can set you up with. Dating apps can work for some people but they can be an absolute grind and can leave you disillusioned and discouraged. Don't resort to "tricks", don't "try" too hard, and don't think you have to become someone you're not comfortable with - just become the best version of yourself you can be, and just get yourself out there. Everything else will eventually fall into place. Edit: someone mentioned improv - I would say this is 100% one of the best group activities you can do - they are inclusive, supportive, and have a diverse group of men and women. You will make friends, increase confidence, and be a part of a community. Think of it like an investment. The more and longer you invest in your social life, the more rewards you will reap.

andrewingram 8y ago
One interesting gotcha, which people frequently find baffling, is that it's possible to take up hobbies which involve a lot of interaction with members of the opposite sex, but don't lend themselves well to actually getting to know them. I mean this in the sense that if you already struggle with connecting with people, just being around a greater volume of people won't fix that problem. I've been doing salsa somewhere between 2 and 5 nights a week more-or-less continuously for the last 6 years. By those who know me, i'm generally regarded as one of the best relative to my experience level (this is something I really struggle to accept, but I hear it enough to be willing to share it), and the vast majority of my friends are women. All of this has had zero impact on my confidence with women as far as dating or relationships are concerned, or even just casual purely platonic conversation with either women or men. My takeaway from this is, that if you are going to invest in an activity for the purpose of meeting people and building confidence, you'll want to to choose an activity that actually throws you into the situations you struggle with. So now i'm looking for a parallel interest, improv is actually pretty appealing.
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sbilstein 8y ago
I strongly agree with all of this. About improv: you don't need to become a major improv hobbyist to benefit from it. One semester made me much more mindful of verbal and non verbal communication. Acting, even badly, improved my ability to listen and be myself around others. I don't really love improv as a form of comedy but the practice is beneficial. I've even recommended it with success to direct reports of mine.

andrewingram 8y ago

One interesting gotcha, which people frequently find baffling, is that it's possible to take up hobbies which involve a lot of interaction with members of the opposite sex, but don't lend themselves well to actually getting to know them. I mean this in the sense that if you already struggle with connecting with people, just being around a greater volume of people won't fix that problem. I've been doing salsa somewhere between 2 and 5 nights a week more-or-less continuously for the last 6 years. By those who know me, i'm generally regarded as one of the best relative to my experience level (this is something I really struggle to accept, but I hear it enough to be willing to share it), and the vast majority of my friends are women. All of this has had zero impact on my confidence with women as far as dating or relationships are concerned, or even just casual purely platonic conversation with either women or men. My takeaway from this is, that if you are going to invest in an activity for the purpose of meeting people and building confidence, you'll want to to choose an activity that actually throws you into the situations you struggle with. So now i'm looking for a parallel interest, improv is actually pretty appealing.

deleted 8y ago
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sbilstein 8y ago

I strongly agree with all of this. About improv: you don't need to become a major improv hobbyist to benefit from it. One semester made me much more mindful of verbal and non verbal communication. Acting, even badly, improved my ability to listen and be myself around others. I don't really love improv as a form of comedy but the practice is beneficial. I've even recommended it with success to direct reports of mine.