I was a "late bloomer" when it came to dating and didn't really start dating at all until I moved to NYC in 2007 (age 26). Here is what happened for me: - Use

I was a "late bloomer" when it came to dating and didn't really start dating at all until I moved to NYC in 2007 (age 26). Here is what happened for me: - Used Match then POF then OKC - Probably went on about 150 dates over the course of about 4-5 years. Sounds like a lot but averages out to 1 every 2 weeks. In reality it was probably 4 to 5 over a two week span every couple of months. Most of the time was just sending LOTS of "requests" out and playing the law of large numbers. I liked OKC too b/c they had some gamification circa early 2010s that helped you find people who were attracted to you. - Most of the dates did not translate into 2nd dates for a long time. I attribute this to not being good at "dating" in general, flirting in particular and the low switching costs of dating in NYC for the other side e.g. if you are a pretty girl in your 20's in NYC there will "be another one soon" -Read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Changed my life. Primarily, I realized my model for interacting with women was based on familial roles e.g. empathy, sharing emotions etc. I realized that is great for family or long term relationships but not for first dating and the first three months. The book taught me that being "playful" and "good natured teasing" were the most important parts initially. I realized I already had those parts of my personality but I wasn't exposing them because I thought that wasn't how dating "worked". A lot of the stories in the book are not practical for finding quality long term relationships but a couple of points stuck out to me: - One a lot of what you think think are limits in social interaction are in your head and therefore can be ignored - He has a quote in the book where he says "My friends and my family failed me because they love me for who I was and not for who I could become" - Human interaction (be it with men or women) is a lot more "programmatic" than you think it is. e.g. Saying phrase1, phrase2, phrase3 can be very different than saying phr3, phr1, phr2. How you say something can have way more impact than what you say. - Like with persuasion in general, it can sometimes border on manipulation so it's important to have your own "line" to cross. That being said, it's a lot like working out physically: you can get bigger muscles but you can't get taller. In personality terms: you can learn funny stories to help you make friends but that won't make you a comedian. In other words, there is always a way to improve but don't fight too hard to change things you can't and don't be someone you're not. I would also recommend these guys: https://theartofcharm.com/ https://theartofcharm.com/ They definitely offer the best combination of practical advice while also being respectful to women and offering lots of great non-dating advice. This was a very frustrating process for me and if people are interested in the above I am happy to add more color/suggestions if it saves others the time and frustration I went through.