3 ms·

Look into pickup communities. Don't take it as gospel, in fact ignore most of it (specially negging, and any other kind of power plays). But you'll see that i

Look into pickup communities. Don't take it as gospel, in fact ignore most of it (specially negging, and any other kind of power plays). But you'll see that it's possible, you will also learn to read signs. Mostly dating consists of improving oneself, be social, don't objectify people and learn the unwritten rules.

cableshaft 8y ago
Negging as it's done in the PUA community is bad, sure. But the milder form of it, teasing, as long as it's mutual, I think can be a good thing in relationships. Sometimes what you say to each other sounds very similar, but the intent of negging is more malevolent.
ryandrake 8y ago
+1 to at least familiarizing yourself with PUA culture and literature. Ignore the people who say it’s shady. Ignore the bad advice to “just be yourself and one day magic will happen.” If you want to learn a skill (meeting women) where you have no inherent talent, then you have to study and practice. It’s like any sport. Some people have natural talent but most people are no good. The more you practice and learn, the better you will get.
- nojvek 8y ago
  There’s some bad stuff in PUA and some reasonable things. Some genuinely helpful things I found. 1) Try making small talk conversations to every day strangers. It removes approach anxiety. Talk about the weather, the city, politics, anything. Being able to hold a stream of connected topics in a conversation is sort of a skill. Also kinda helps understand what’s creepy and what’s not. Good conversations skills are a great life skill. 2) Eye contact, volume and posture. Look into the other persons eye when talking to them. Don’t be too soft, but also not too loud. Don’t speak too fast too. When people don’t struggle to understand you, you project confidence. Dress with fitting clothes, be well trimmed and walk with a good posture. 3) have your own things, find your own happiness. Whether it’s work, hobbies, hikes, whatever. Something that you’re enjoy and you’re decently good at. Great if you have a group of friends that you regular do things with. Be happy and contempt. 4) Life is not a race. You don’t need to try too hard. Good things will eventually happen if you’re meeting women your age and having decent conversations.

cableshaft 8y ago

Negging as it's done in the PUA community is bad, sure. But the milder form of it, teasing, as long as it's mutual, I think can be a good thing in relationships. Sometimes what you say to each other sounds very similar, but the intent of negging is more malevolent.

ryandrake 8y ago

+1 to at least familiarizing yourself with PUA culture and literature. Ignore the people who say it’s shady. Ignore the bad advice to “just be yourself and one day magic will happen.” If you want to learn a skill (meeting women) where you have no inherent talent, then you have to study and practice. It’s like any sport. Some people have natural talent but most people are no good. The more you practice and learn, the better you will get.

nojvek 8y ago
There’s some bad stuff in PUA and some reasonable things. Some genuinely helpful things I found. 1) Try making small talk conversations to every day strangers. It removes approach anxiety. Talk about the weather, the city, politics, anything. Being able to hold a stream of connected topics in a conversation is sort of a skill. Also kinda helps understand what’s creepy and what’s not. Good conversations skills are a great life skill. 2) Eye contact, volume and posture. Look into the other persons eye when talking to them. Don’t be too soft, but also not too loud. Don’t speak too fast too. When people don’t struggle to understand you, you project confidence. Dress with fitting clothes, be well trimmed and walk with a good posture. 3) have your own things, find your own happiness. Whether it’s work, hobbies, hikes, whatever. Something that you’re enjoy and you’re decently good at. Great if you have a group of friends that you regular do things with. Be happy and contempt. 4) Life is not a race. You don’t need to try too hard. Good things will eventually happen if you’re meeting women your age and having decent conversations.