3 ms·

I think the philosophical point of the article is that if you reached the point where you contemplate breaking up or quitting then you're past a critical thresh

I think the philosophical point of the article is that if you reached the point where you contemplate breaking up or quitting then you're past a critical threshold. The issues are big enough to get you thinking and you're probably past the point where you see a point in fixing or tried and it didn't work. In which case it will just get progressively worse and the end result is almost inevitable. Hence "probably should". The practicals of doing this will vary of course. There are many factors to keep in mind and a lot of them are personal/subjective.

scarface74 8y ago
Breaking up in a relationship is different and it depends on how deep you’re (dating, living together, kids, married) in and how insurmountable the problems are.
- chiefalchemist 8y ago
  True. But a job is also a relationship, a relationship that works both ways - or should. It might not always be simple or easy but if you're in a bad and unfulfilling relationship then it's up to you to swallow hard and move on. Staying is lost opportunity.
  - scarface74 8y ago
    Yes, but it’s much easier to find a “compatible” job than a compatible partner. I’m not emotional or financially invested in my job or the relationships I have with people at my job. A divorce has both higher emotional cost - especially if you have kids and are close to your in laws - and financial costs. If my job causes undo stress and hardship, I will leave at a moments notice. If my marriage is causing me stress and my spouse is willing to put in the effort to help us come to a better place, I’ll do what it takes to make things better. I’ll go to marriage counseling, but there is only so much you can do in an organization.
    - close04 8y ago
      I think it's because you have fewer requirements from a job and you can make more acceptable compromises. Finding a compatible partner requires a lot more than 5-6 evaluation points.
- close04 8y ago
  Sure but I'd imagine that when you actually start contemplating a breakup you already identified an issue and tried to fix it or work around it. So if you are still entertaining that thought it's because you ran through your options and you're mostly out of them. You might decide to live with this but again, if you started thinking about it to the point where you consider breakup then it's likely a serious enough issue and it doesn't get better. This shouldn't stop you from trying to the point where by all definitions the relationship is dead. There's no rule for this other than a rule of thumb. But that one pretty much suggests at that point you are just delaying the inevitable. Unless all you actually need to fix it is time.

scarface74 8y ago

Breaking up in a relationship is different and it depends on how deep you’re (dating, living together, kids, married) in and how insurmountable the problems are.

chiefalchemist 8y ago
True. But a job is also a relationship, a relationship that works both ways - or should. It might not always be simple or easy but if you're in a bad and unfulfilling relationship then it's up to you to swallow hard and move on. Staying is lost opportunity.
- scarface74 8y ago
  Yes, but it’s much easier to find a “compatible” job than a compatible partner. I’m not emotional or financially invested in my job or the relationships I have with people at my job. A divorce has both higher emotional cost - especially if you have kids and are close to your in laws - and financial costs. If my job causes undo stress and hardship, I will leave at a moments notice. If my marriage is causing me stress and my spouse is willing to put in the effort to help us come to a better place, I’ll do what it takes to make things better. I’ll go to marriage counseling, but there is only so much you can do in an organization.
  - close04 8y ago
    I think it's because you have fewer requirements from a job and you can make more acceptable compromises. Finding a compatible partner requires a lot more than 5-6 evaluation points.
close04 8y ago
Sure but I'd imagine that when you actually start contemplating a breakup you already identified an issue and tried to fix it or work around it. So if you are still entertaining that thought it's because you ran through your options and you're mostly out of them. You might decide to live with this but again, if you started thinking about it to the point where you consider breakup then it's likely a serious enough issue and it doesn't get better. This shouldn't stop you from trying to the point where by all definitions the relationship is dead. There's no rule for this other than a rule of thumb. But that one pretty much suggests at that point you are just delaying the inevitable. Unless all you actually need to fix it is time.