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During my graduate career, I got close to quitting a life of hard lonely work and moving to SV to join the grind over there. Sounds like the thing they advocate

During my graduate career, I got close to quitting a life of hard lonely work and moving to SV to join the grind over there. Sounds like the thing they advocate right? Well I didn't, and now I can put PhD next to my name, I make a comfortable salary, and am the happiest I've ever been. In my early twenties, frustratingly surrounded by many hot girls, especially ones who showed interest in me, I considered breaking up with my girlfriend (whom which I was in a long distance relationship, which added pressure) at the time to experience more. I mean, I won't be 24 forever. Love is great, but experience is a part of life too, right? Well, I stuck with her. I've traveled around the world with her and we're eventually planning for marriage once I can permanently move to be with her. I am the happiest I've ever been. BTW, finding out that staying in both cases would end up being the right decision took a while, it's really on looking back years later that I realize which decisions were right or wrong. One of the things I think I can actually attribute to wisdom that can come with age is this idea: you know only in the short term what you want, what you like to eat, what kind of hobbies you like, etc., but you don't really know what you fundamentally or deeply want in terms of career, lifestyle, etc. You really don't, so second guessing yourself isn't something like "falling short" because the default should be super sure of what you want. It just means you're not sure.

barrkel 8y ago
You don't know the counterfactual. You're making conclusions based on only having one branch of history. The interesting thing about studies in the article is they give us a probabilistic view of the counterfactual. Maybe you would have been even happier on the other path. Who knows? (I find it interesting that proposal is worth over -5 happiness points after six months, in the table in the article.)
- regularfry 8y ago
  Proposal being -5 is fascinating. What's equally intriguing is that "Should I dye my hair" is dramatically more positive than "Should I have a child". Mind you, perhaps they should have checked in on that one at the 1-year mark.
- noobermin 8y ago
  The entire point of my post was 6 months is too short of a time to make a determination of whether x was a good idea or not. Do many people marry within 6 months of proposing? Perhaps a good chunk were in the stressful period of planning and logistics I guess. And you're right, I don't know the counterfactual. Also, I don't know if I'm deluding myself or not. The thing is, I don't care because I'm happy now compared to back then.
toxik 8y ago
Who's to say you're deluding yourself into thinking you're in a comfortable job? Maybe it's actually boring and soul-crushing in ten years. Not only are people terrible at judging the outcome of our long-term plans, we're also terrible at judging relative happiness over long periods of time.
- stewbrew 8y ago
  I wonder who is more eager to justify their decision and to tell themselves they're better off now: Those who tore down all bridges and left in anger? Or those who stayed and climbed up the social ladder even though they hate their live?
  - toxik 8y ago
    In some sense this is like asking who scores more goals in football by looking at whether they took a shot or passed it on. In the end I think relative richness (i.e. making more than your neighbours) and social relevance (i.e. people needing you) will always be more important for building self-worth and long-term happiness.
    - stewbrew 8y ago
      The OP told that he stayed tough he had other options with probably better options for short term benefits and that he thinks he is happier on the long term. You asked if he doesn't delude himself into thinking that he is happier. I accepted that people delude themselves (all the time one way or the other) but I asked in which situation the self-delusion is "bigger". In the light of your previous comment I don't fully understand your current answer. (I'm not saying people should stay in uncomfortable situations. But you should be honest with yourself why you want to leave.)
XorNot 8y ago
During my graduate career about 1 year in the main project wasn't working right and it wasn't clear how we'd move forward. 6 months after that I did actually fix it, but I had notionally 1.5-2.5 years to do all the rest of the project where we implemented some new science. 3.5 years later I left with a Masters degree, then left hard sciences entirely and now on self-training make a lot more money in IT. I really should've left at 1 year and started looking for Junior sysadmin positions then. Of course I suppose had I done that I probably wouldn't have developed the relationship I did with my now wife, but objectively the experience career-wise was a colossal waste of time and money, but which I lacked the life/career experience (or people able to give relevant advice) to correctly assess.

barrkel 8y ago

You don't know the counterfactual. You're making conclusions based on only having one branch of history. The interesting thing about studies in the article is they give us a probabilistic view of the counterfactual. Maybe you would have been even happier on the other path. Who knows? (I find it interesting that proposal is worth over -5 happiness points after six months, in the table in the article.)

regularfry 8y ago
Proposal being -5 is fascinating. What's equally intriguing is that "Should I dye my hair" is dramatically more positive than "Should I have a child". Mind you, perhaps they should have checked in on that one at the 1-year mark.
noobermin 8y ago
The entire point of my post was 6 months is too short of a time to make a determination of whether x was a good idea or not. Do many people marry within 6 months of proposing? Perhaps a good chunk were in the stressful period of planning and logistics I guess. And you're right, I don't know the counterfactual. Also, I don't know if I'm deluding myself or not. The thing is, I don't care because I'm happy now compared to back then.

toxik 8y ago

Who's to say you're deluding yourself into thinking you're in a comfortable job? Maybe it's actually boring and soul-crushing in ten years. Not only are people terrible at judging the outcome of our long-term plans, we're also terrible at judging relative happiness over long periods of time.

stewbrew 8y ago
I wonder who is more eager to justify their decision and to tell themselves they're better off now: Those who tore down all bridges and left in anger? Or those who stayed and climbed up the social ladder even though they hate their live?
- toxik 8y ago
  In some sense this is like asking who scores more goals in football by looking at whether they took a shot or passed it on. In the end I think relative richness (i.e. making more than your neighbours) and social relevance (i.e. people needing you) will always be more important for building self-worth and long-term happiness.
  - stewbrew 8y ago
    The OP told that he stayed tough he had other options with probably better options for short term benefits and that he thinks he is happier on the long term. You asked if he doesn't delude himself into thinking that he is happier. I accepted that people delude themselves (all the time one way or the other) but I asked in which situation the self-delusion is "bigger". In the light of your previous comment I don't fully understand your current answer. (I'm not saying people should stay in uncomfortable situations. But you should be honest with yourself why you want to leave.)

XorNot 8y ago

During my graduate career about 1 year in the main project wasn't working right and it wasn't clear how we'd move forward. 6 months after that I did actually fix it, but I had notionally 1.5-2.5 years to do all the rest of the project where we implemented some new science. 3.5 years later I left with a Masters degree, then left hard sciences entirely and now on self-training make a lot more money in IT. I really should've left at 1 year and started looking for Junior sysadmin positions then. Of course I suppose had I done that I probably wouldn't have developed the relationship I did with my now wife, but objectively the experience career-wise was a colossal waste of time and money, but which I lacked the life/career experience (or people able to give relevant advice) to correctly assess.