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This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections

This resonated with me as an introvert and I'm not Chinese. There have been many times that I've realized, I should have spent more time collecting connections and less time working in front of the screen. I think this also relates to the values my parents gave me that I should work for everything I have and hard work pays off. They never asked anyone for a favor or special privileges, so I never put much value on networking. When I get in a tough spot my natural instinct is to put my head down and solve the problem on my own. Calling in a favor requires future planning because you need to collect the right kind of friends who also understand the value of passing favors. My observation is that it's much more common for business types, not engineers to think this way.

fspeech 8y ago
Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.
- iamgopal 8y ago
  And they may solve this problem only emotional point of view.
kos_ 8y ago
You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading. The simplest heuristic to use that will get you to a better place - is to maintain/grow the connect with people you care about. What does that mean? Why do you care about certain ppl? How do they make you feel? What needs of yours are they meeting? How well do you understand/misunderstand their needs?And what is involved in maintaining and growing the connect through good and bad times? The world can be divided into people who think about these questions all the time and those who don't. No guesses to who has more connections and is more comfortable calling in favours. The good news is you too can spend time on those questions even if you currently don't. The more you do and deeper your answers get the more satisfying your life gets. A large part of the human brain is devoted to social connection. But you have to learn and exercise it for the best results.
- whorleater 8y ago
  > You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading. I hate myself writing this, but I'm also going to say that you sometimes don't have the privilege of making friends for friend's sake. I'm Chinese, and in college I went out of my way to collect "useful" friends and curry favors because I knew that my parents (poor immigrants from Shangdong) couldn't support me if something happened, and I would rather die before asking them for more than they've already given me. It felt slimy and grotesque to work relationships in this way, but for me it felt like the only way to survive and build a safety net.
tvanantwerp 8y ago
I feel the same way. As I think about my own network, I feel like it's dangerously small and can't bring much to bear in times of need. As a fellow introvert, I didn't work hard in the past to build more and stronger connections. Only now am I seeing the problems that arise from not doing so. If only I had known...but then, I still would've been an introvert.

fspeech 8y ago

Not sure favors can really save someone in time of need. They tend to help when one's trajectory is up, not down. Like banks love to loan to people who don't need to borrow.

iamgopal 8y ago
And they may solve this problem only emotional point of view.

kos_ 8y ago

You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading. The simplest heuristic to use that will get you to a better place - is to maintain/grow the connect with people you care about. What does that mean? Why do you care about certain ppl? How do they make you feel? What needs of yours are they meeting? How well do you understand/misunderstand their needs?And what is involved in maintaining and growing the connect through good and bad times? The world can be divided into people who think about these questions all the time and those who don't. No guesses to who has more connections and is more comfortable calling in favours. The good news is you too can spend time on those questions even if you currently don't. The more you do and deeper your answers get the more satisfying your life gets. A large part of the human brain is devoted to social connection. But you have to learn and exercise it for the best results.

whorleater 8y ago
> You don't need to collect the "right" kind of friends. This kind of thinking strips the humanity out of the process. It's an understandable conclusion but highly misleading. I hate myself writing this, but I'm also going to say that you sometimes don't have the privilege of making friends for friend's sake. I'm Chinese, and in college I went out of my way to collect "useful" friends and curry favors because I knew that my parents (poor immigrants from Shangdong) couldn't support me if something happened, and I would rather die before asking them for more than they've already given me. It felt slimy and grotesque to work relationships in this way, but for me it felt like the only way to survive and build a safety net.

tvanantwerp 8y ago

I feel the same way. As I think about my own network, I feel like it's dangerously small and can't bring much to bear in times of need. As a fellow introvert, I didn't work hard in the past to build more and stronger connections. Only now am I seeing the problems that arise from not doing so. If only I had known...but then, I still would've been an introvert.