3 ms·

It's slower than any of us like. But "merely letting women get paid jobs" - there is nothing mere about the independence that that slowly brings with it - at al

by neffy 8y ago

It's slower than any of us like. But "merely letting women get paid jobs" - there is nothing mere about the independence that that slowly brings with it - at all levels of society.

DoreenMichele 8y ago
I'm a former homemaker. Overall, I've had a better life in many ways than many women. I am often hated on by other women, probably because of that. The reality is that in many heterosexual relationships, her job mostly relieves him of traditional male responsibilities. In most cases, even if he's currently unemployed, she comes home and cooks and cleans. Trying to make the transition to a real career post divorce has been very long and hard and feels mostly fruitless. I appear to be the highest ranked woman on HN. I appear to be the only woman to have ever spent time on the leaderboard (under a different handle). No, that in no way seems to open doors for me of a sort that lead to better income. I've accomplished many things that are pretty unique. I get zero credit for it. I get nothing but pissed all over for even trying to state what my accomplishments are. I know there are a lot of factors, such as the fact that I'm medically handicapped. But so was Stephen Hawking. He had public recognition and a real career. I can't seem to find a solution and I'm tired. I just want out of this prison. I'm tired of this shit. And I'm very much at a point where I feel the crux of the issue is my gender and it will simply never be fixed because of that and I very much resent it. Money grows out of power. Not the other way around. Women mostly don't have real power. That fact seems unyielding.
- s-shellfish 8y ago
  In patriarchal societies, men stay fundamentally united while women compete against one another in a divided fashion. Important to not allow our differences and "competitive" advantages to be used as proxies for creating perpetual division. But also, depends on circumstance. Don't have to see gender as being a problem unless you want to. Anything can be used against you for anything that can be used for you. That's both sides of everything. Nothing is ever an advantage, especially when being united (especially in technology!!!) is more advantageous than all the knowledge you could have access to. I'm a software developer, female.
- mirimir 8y ago
  I've always valued your voice on HN. Sorry that you're disheartened. I have no answers either.
  - DoreenMichele 8y ago
    Yes, I hear that a lot: that I am valued. But it mostly doesn't translate to money. It mostly doesn't translate to Patreon supporters, tips, people hiring me to do paid writing, people hiring me to do resume work. I need $150 to be okay-ish the rest of this month. It's not a huge sum. I'm failing to come up with it. And any time I bitch about my financial problems, I'm told to basically shut up about it. Anytime I say sexism is part of why I remain poor, I'm told I'm wrong. Etc. Ad nauseum. I think I'm a contributor. When men contribute here, it eventually translates into money. But it mostly doesn't for me. And it seems to make zero difference how I try to approach that problem. It remains unbudging. Edit: to be clear, the whole "I'm looking at starving for five days next week in spite of X, Y and Z accomplishments" is the crux of why I feel so negative at the moment.
    - mirimir 8y ago
      Hey, I emailed you.

by neffy 8y ago

It's slower than any of us like. But "merely letting women get paid jobs" - there is nothing mere about the independence that that slowly brings with it - at all levels of society.

DoreenMichele 8y ago

I'm a former homemaker. Overall, I've had a better life in many ways than many women. I am often hated on by other women, probably because of that. The reality is that in many heterosexual relationships, her job mostly relieves him of traditional male responsibilities. In most cases, even if he's currently unemployed, she comes home and cooks and cleans. Trying to make the transition to a real career post divorce has been very long and hard and feels mostly fruitless. I appear to be the highest ranked woman on HN. I appear to be the only woman to have ever spent time on the leaderboard (under a different handle). No, that in no way seems to open doors for me of a sort that lead to better income. I've accomplished many things that are pretty unique. I get zero credit for it. I get nothing but pissed all over for even trying to state what my accomplishments are. I know there are a lot of factors, such as the fact that I'm medically handicapped. But so was Stephen Hawking. He had public recognition and a real career. I can't seem to find a solution and I'm tired. I just want out of this prison. I'm tired of this shit. And I'm very much at a point where I feel the crux of the issue is my gender and it will simply never be fixed because of that and I very much resent it. Money grows out of power. Not the other way around. Women mostly don't have real power. That fact seems unyielding.

s-shellfish 8y ago
In patriarchal societies, men stay fundamentally united while women compete against one another in a divided fashion. Important to not allow our differences and "competitive" advantages to be used as proxies for creating perpetual division. But also, depends on circumstance. Don't have to see gender as being a problem unless you want to. Anything can be used against you for anything that can be used for you. That's both sides of everything. Nothing is ever an advantage, especially when being united (especially in technology!!!) is more advantageous than all the knowledge you could have access to. I'm a software developer, female.
mirimir 8y ago
I've always valued your voice on HN. Sorry that you're disheartened. I have no answers either.
- DoreenMichele 8y ago
  Yes, I hear that a lot: that I am valued. But it mostly doesn't translate to money. It mostly doesn't translate to Patreon supporters, tips, people hiring me to do paid writing, people hiring me to do resume work. I need $150 to be okay-ish the rest of this month. It's not a huge sum. I'm failing to come up with it. And any time I bitch about my financial problems, I'm told to basically shut up about it. Anytime I say sexism is part of why I remain poor, I'm told I'm wrong. Etc. Ad nauseum. I think I'm a contributor. When men contribute here, it eventually translates into money. But it mostly doesn't for me. And it seems to make zero difference how I try to approach that problem. It remains unbudging. Edit: to be clear, the whole "I'm looking at starving for five days next week in spite of X, Y and Z accomplishments" is the crux of why I feel so negative at the moment.
  - mirimir 8y ago
    Hey, I emailed you.