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I thought the same thing going in (I played for a living for almost 6 years) but discovered that you can't lead a perfectly healthy and otherwise normal life. A

I thought the same thing going in (I played for a living for almost 6 years) but discovered that you can't lead a perfectly healthy and otherwise normal life. And I'm pretty sure it isn't just that I couldn't, because once you get to know them you realize not one of the hundreds of successful professional poker players (much less the thousands of unsuccessful ones) have managed it. Some have gotten part of the way there, some have become sad junkies, but nobody's ever anything that even remotely resembles normal. My theories as to why would be too long for this forum, but the two big ones are the losing streaks and lack of respect for money. Losing streaks are like nothing you can understand until you've been a professional poker player. Imagine if you went to work, performed flawlessly, far better than all of your coworkers, and instead of getting paid your bank account got debited and your boss told you "you really sucked today". Then that happens every day for a month. Humans (and especially poker players, who study probabilistic decision making as a hobby) are conditioned through life to believe outcomes are a direct result of actions. Do a good job at something and work hard at it, you succeed. Do a bad job at something and slack off, you fail. While this is true in poker in the long run, the long run can be a long time. I broke even for a year at one point, and that's at cash games. Meanwhile donkeys without the slightest clue what they were doing were lucking ass backward into multimillion-dollar tournament prizes. You can't even fathom what this does to you emotionally until you've lived through it. It engenders self-doubt, which gets you off your game, which probably makes you play worse, which you know you're doing but aren't sure exactly how, or what to do about it, which in turn prolongs the losing streak. There is no end to it. The lack of respect for money is universal in a world where thousands of dollars change hands in minutes. It's impossible to think "I shouldn't buy that Lexus I've had my eye on" when you just made enough to do it in the last 4 hours. Everytime I played a pot I was risking far more than I was playing credit card roulette for dinner for 4 at Craftsteak. (BTW, my luck at credit card roulette is legendary. If my luck at poker had been half that good I'd have won the WSOP.)

tsotha 16y ago
This comment brings back memories. I was pretty serious for a decade or so, and I remember how long the losing streaks can be ("Oh my God. This is my first set in a week and you just cracked it with a one-outer on the river.") I had a girlfriend for most of that time who went pro. She was pretty good, too, but she had that lack of respect for money in spades (heh). She'd spend a whole day grinding out $3000 in the $40-80 game and then lose $20,000 in an hour at the Pai Gow table. One day she decided to skip the Pai Gow and went to the mall instead. Bought all kinds of designer clothes and perfumes and electronic gadgets. She practically filled up the car. When she came home there was this shocked look on her face. I asked her what the problem was and she said "Look at all the stuff you can buy for only $5000! I'm so used to using money as ammunition I forgot you can trade it for stuff."
budman 16y ago
Such a great post. I have played live medium stakes poker in Vegas for 14 years now. Have witnessed the boom firsthand. Before the poker tv "boom" it used to be sort of embarrassing when family and friends from back home would ask about poker and what not because it always had a negative mystique about it. During the boom everyone was all of a sudden interested and wanted to listen about how exciting it must be. But the boom completely skewed reality and perspectives unlike anything I have ever seen, even compared to the housing boom. I can't count how many times in past 7 years I'd be at table full of early 20 somethings claiming they are or am thinking about going "pro" (quiting job/college for poker FT). For every Tom Dwan type of story there are probably 1000x the stories similar or WORSE to the Washington Post article. It was never my business so I never made it my biz, but I used to be sad seeing so many talented/bright and charismatic kids be so lost and throwing away years chasing the rush and shot at being famous. Gambling, in any form, takes a very special tough minded character to do in long run since, like matt says, the losing streaks will come. I have told my wife one thing I wish I could erase from my mind would be poker. And I am a long-term winner! It just wears you down and matt mentioning how most can't fathom the emotional swings is true. It becomes worse the more early success one has because the resulting crash will be harder. The smoke and mirrors of poker created by TV is FAR from real. Away from the lights and camera while they hype most of these guys up is mostly a collection of low lives grinding 60hrs a week on their asses just to pay the bills. Many of the big names the world has come to know have also gone broke at times. Not always because of poker but it just harbors other bad habits. Anyway, enough of that. I do want to say Matt that during it time I was an avid follower of your blog. I could always tell you were one of the more grounded and mature young players that was having success and always knew you wouldn't let your head get too big. Sorry it took a tragedy of that magnitude to get you out but in the end it was probably best.
- mattmaroon 16y ago
  Thanks budman.
happy4crazy 16y ago
Yeah, I quit playing professionally after finally deciding that my human/lizard brain was just not wired correctly to deal with the swings. Which is too bad, because the game is so interesting! And the fantasy--of making money with your mind, on your own schedule--is very seductive. I think that a very, very small percentage of the population can happily play poker for a living; but for everyone else, I think long-term exposure to poker will almost literally melt your brain. The sheer amount of stress I used to experience during high-variance poker sessions was just absurd--I sincerely hope there's nothing else like it.

tsotha 16y ago

This comment brings back memories. I was pretty serious for a decade or so, and I remember how long the losing streaks can be ("Oh my God. This is my first set in a week and you just cracked it with a one-outer on the river.") I had a girlfriend for most of that time who went pro. She was pretty good, too, but she had that lack of respect for money in spades (heh). She'd spend a whole day grinding out $3000 in the $40-80 game and then lose $20,000 in an hour at the Pai Gow table. One day she decided to skip the Pai Gow and went to the mall instead. Bought all kinds of designer clothes and perfumes and electronic gadgets. She practically filled up the car. When she came home there was this shocked look on her face. I asked her what the problem was and she said "Look at all the stuff you can buy for only $5000! I'm so used to using money as ammunition I forgot you can trade it for stuff."

budman 16y ago

Such a great post. I have played live medium stakes poker in Vegas for 14 years now. Have witnessed the boom firsthand. Before the poker tv "boom" it used to be sort of embarrassing when family and friends from back home would ask about poker and what not because it always had a negative mystique about it. During the boom everyone was all of a sudden interested and wanted to listen about how exciting it must be. But the boom completely skewed reality and perspectives unlike anything I have ever seen, even compared to the housing boom. I can't count how many times in past 7 years I'd be at table full of early 20 somethings claiming they are or am thinking about going "pro" (quiting job/college for poker FT). For every Tom Dwan type of story there are probably 1000x the stories similar or WORSE to the Washington Post article. It was never my business so I never made it my biz, but I used to be sad seeing so many talented/bright and charismatic kids be so lost and throwing away years chasing the rush and shot at being famous. Gambling, in any form, takes a very special tough minded character to do in long run since, like matt says, the losing streaks will come. I have told my wife one thing I wish I could erase from my mind would be poker. And I am a long-term winner! It just wears you down and matt mentioning how most can't fathom the emotional swings is true. It becomes worse the more early success one has because the resulting crash will be harder. The smoke and mirrors of poker created by TV is FAR from real. Away from the lights and camera while they hype most of these guys up is mostly a collection of low lives grinding 60hrs a week on their asses just to pay the bills. Many of the big names the world has come to know have also gone broke at times. Not always because of poker but it just harbors other bad habits. Anyway, enough of that. I do want to say Matt that during it time I was an avid follower of your blog. I could always tell you were one of the more grounded and mature young players that was having success and always knew you wouldn't let your head get too big. Sorry it took a tragedy of that magnitude to get you out but in the end it was probably best.

mattmaroon 16y ago
Thanks budman.

happy4crazy 16y ago

Yeah, I quit playing professionally after finally deciding that my human/lizard brain was just not wired correctly to deal with the swings. Which is too bad, because the game is so interesting! And the fantasy--of making money with your mind, on your own schedule--is very seductive. I think that a very, very small percentage of the population can happily play poker for a living; but for everyone else, I think long-term exposure to poker will almost literally melt your brain. The sheer amount of stress I used to experience during high-variance poker sessions was just absurd--I sincerely hope there's nothing else like it.