4 ms·

But how do I deal with the fact that I always feel that there are people out there who are a lot better than me and a lot younger. I feel I am already wasting t

But how do I deal with the fact that I always feel that there are people out there who are a lot better than me and a lot younger. I feel I am already wasting time doing daily chores...I feel the act of 'eating' is complete waste of time. You are doing nothing..just eating.. There is this constant thing in the back of my mind, that I need to improve. I stopped watching movies, stopping playing Dota (had played it 2000+ hours in total), stopped playing any musical instruments... Day in and day out, I feel like the time I am spending not learning anything is a going to waste. I need to be productive everytime (atleast feel like being productive). Even on youtube, I try to only watch technical talks as much as possible. If I stray away, for instance watch a VICE documentary, then I feel miserable as I just spent 45 minutes doing nothing. Technically, I can see that I am improving. But when will this stop ? There are 15 year old kids who know more than me currently, then I will ever learn/know. One would assume that, with this kind of daily life, one would be lot better "intellectually" or in some other sense. But I can assure you, I might be only slightly above average, but thats it. There is this constant thing inside me, that I am only slightly above average, not the best in anything. The more I know, the more I find what I don't know. I guess it stems from the Dunning–Kruger effect. But how do I deal with this ?

natalyarostova 8y ago
imo there is nothing wrong with working hard and pushing yourself, I do the same. The challenging part is pushing yourself to be the best "you" you can be, while practicing acceptance that there will always exist someone, perhaps far younger than yourself, who makes what you do look trivial. That's life m8. I spent tonight studying calculus after work in order to learn enough to use some models that interest me. There is a 15 year old out there who could pick this up overnight, while I push myself to do easy problems after work. What can you do? Either give up or push forward.
kondov 8y ago
I've been struggling with the same problem for quite some time now, so I thought I'd share how I've been coping with it. The most important thing is to realize that becoming the best in something should not be the motivation pushing you in this industry. In competitive games like Dota, there is a clear winner and loser when the match is over. The real competition in programming, however, is being better than you were before, expanding your mindset and solving more complex problems. There will always be someone better, smarter or a faster learner but that doesn't diminish the progress you've already made. There are people who have talents for certain things, there are people who learn certain things faster. I've found that competing with myself is the only healthy way to move forward or I would always feel that I'm not good enough compared to others. As it was already mentioned in the comments, there is nothing wrong in pushing yourself when you want to improve, but don't take it to the extreme. We operate on work/rest cycles and as you need discipline in work you also need discipline in rest. I try to look at the process of improvement like a marathon rather than a sprint. The journey is going to be a long one, so don't lose the joy of it by pushing too hard. Think about how long you can go like this and consider if this would take the fun of programming away. Think of unproductive activities as a way to get your mind some rest, much like sleep.
pjc50 8y ago
It sounds like your learning process is inefficient and you might want to look at "learning to learn". Or even going back to the instruments for a while and practicing. But then I've always relied on the opposite: just-in-time learning, which was possible in the pre-internet era but is now much, much easier. You need to accept that the world is too big to fit in your head - even limiting yourself to the field of programming, there's a huge amount of material out there. You need to specialise. You've also not said what all this is for - is it an end in itself, or is it in service of getting a better job? For the money? To prove something to yourself, or to others? Do you actually need to climb your own personal Everest?
danenania 8y ago
It sounds like you’re optimizing for doing the most work and spending the most time learning, but in my experience, it’s better to optimize for quality of work and quality of learning. You don’t do that by staying in overdrive all the time. Taking time to relax, reflect, and assimilate really is necessary to keep your creative mind functioning well.
yjftsjthsd-h 8y ago
> There are 15 year old kids who know more than me currently, then I will ever learn/know. If the rest of your comment is true, this is probably false. Seriously, if you train constantly, a 15 year old hasn't had enough time to compete. So what's more likely is that you see people who have delved deeply into one thing deeper than you... But you know other things that they don't have a clue about.
- tribesman 8y ago
  >If the rest of your comment is true, this is probably false. Seriously, if you train constantly, a 15 year old hasn't had enough time to compete Efforts are not everything. Having resources and abilities also matter. There can be 15 year olds who know far better than people who have spent years in a job. Let's not pretend that it can't be possible.
giu 8y ago
> But how do I deal with the fact that I always feel that there are people out there who are a lot better than me and a lot younger I know exactly what you mean, since I have been at that place myself multiple times throughout my studies and work life. Short background: I went back to study at the university (B.Sc. + M.Sc.) at the age of 24 and got my M.Sc. degree at the age of 30; now I'm working as a software engineer at a startup. What really helped was in a first step to work on fully accepting myself. You will always find people that are smarter, faster, <insert adjective here> than you, but that does not mean that you are not worth of love or respect. It's okay to not be able to solve an interview question in time, or to fail an exam, or to not understand a topic the first time you hear about it. We're humans, and this is part of being human. Self compassion and meditation helped and still help me a lot, especially when I'm facing situations where my self-esteem takes a hit or two. It also helped a lot to understand that everyone has its own pace. If I would have gone to university years earlier I would have probably failed, because I just wasn't ready for that step at that point in my life. Now I'm 31 years of age, and I am where I want to be. And that's the important thing: it's the right place _for me_, but it may not be the right place _for you_ or for someone else, and that is totally fine! I'm working with software engineers that are a few years younger than me, who finished their studies quite some time ago and have been working for the past few years, and I'm totally fine with that. It's really awesome, because I'm learning so many things from all of them, and it doesn't matter if they are 21 years or 45 years old. At the end of the day they are also human beings, all with their own baggage filled with fears, failures, positive experiences, and so on. In general, being kinder to myself changed my life for the better, so I can really recommend to first working on being happy with yourself, and then taking further small steps from there. In case you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer them. Wish you all the best for the future, you can do it!
SomewhatLikely 8y ago
I have wondered if anyone has advice on what an ideal pie chart of your discretionary time should look like. How much of my time should be spent learning new technical things, and of that how much should be directly applicable versus exploring related fields versus totally random, hoping for serendipitous connections. How much of my time should instead be spent on reading classic literature, building side projects, household chores such as tidying up, personal finance, watching tv and movies, playing video games, revisiting old journals of ideas, socializing, networking, etc. I'm sure if most people sat down and did a full accounting of how they spend their time, they'd feel guilty. We know we need rest, just not how much of it. Nor how to divide up the non-rest time optimally. It's not even clear what the objective function is. Happiness? Meaningfulness? Bank account? Reproductive success? I haven't dedicated enough of my pie to reading the thoughts of others on this subject.
EliRivers 8y ago
This sounds like an obsession that is adversely affecting your life. If you had a painful tooth that was affecting your ability to relax, you'd see a dentist. If you had a leg injury that was affecting your life, you'd see a medical professional. Do the same for this. Looking after your mental health is simply a sensible thing to do.
tribesman 8y ago
Wow so many people feel insecure to younger folks! Now, i understand why tech companies have ageism. Basically, you guys are reinforcing this thing that younger people are far better.
QuantumDogg 8y ago
Hah, it's like someone wrote this for me (Also had 2000+ hours of Dota). Now after having too much stress, I have been experimenting with these thoughts: -Hey, I have x amount of time and I can't master all this y. I should plan what I want to master. -Well, how do I plan what to master. How about I try to set my next goal. -What kind of goal? Must start from the most important stuff first. Maybe something like what is the minimum needed to make me more fulfilled in life. -What are these things that make more fulfilled in life? For me they were mostly goals for attitude and social skills. There was only one goal that had to do with becoming better with technology and that was trying to find my thing in technology. Which was a bit of surprise for me ,considering what I have done with my time trying to master everything. I am still experimenting with this, but I found that there isn't this constant damaging stress where I feel like I am on a timer.
Jarwain 8y ago
So lets go in a different direction. If you want to be the best you can, taking care of yourself is of Vital Importance. - Getting enough sleep is important for memory formation. - Eating healthy, nutritionally diverse keeps your body fueled and your mind sharp. The American diet tends to be deficient in vitamin B7, vitamin D, vitamin E, chromium, iodine and molybdenum [1]. - Regular exercise improves mood, sleep, and memory. [2] I'm sure you can see how these would be helpful. Taking regular breaks, distracting yourself, is also hugely beneficial in how it can shift the gears in your brain. It also adds creative material for your brain, which helps drawing those loose-but-oh-so-useful associations. On top of that, reducing stress is a big plus for brain function. Especially in the long term. Go easy on yourself, you don't have to be the best. Heck, what even is "best". Everything's relative. No one is better at being you than yourself. Practice self-compassion. Everything is OK. If your issue is that you Recognize all of this, you Understand it, but the problem is that the Thoughts still pop up, Remember: You are not your thoughts. Whenever you recognize it occurring, just take a deep breath, Acknowledge the thoughts, label them, and focus on being present. Regular meditation is pretty helpful in this regard. Or, establish a purpose, a goal to shoot for, either short term or long term, and break it down into tiny pieces. Measure your progress, and relish your data-backed improvement. Measure how well you take care of yourself too, and Prioritize That. If only just because it would benefit your progress on your purpose. Or heck, quantify yourself and figure out how your lifestyle affects your brain's efficiency. [3] [1]https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2905334/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2905334/ [2]https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes-brain-improve-memory-thinking-skills-201404097110 https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes... [3]http://www.quantified-mind.com/ http://www.quantified-mind.com/
c032 8y ago
Homeostasis

natalyarostova 8y ago

imo there is nothing wrong with working hard and pushing yourself, I do the same. The challenging part is pushing yourself to be the best "you" you can be, while practicing acceptance that there will always exist someone, perhaps far younger than yourself, who makes what you do look trivial. That's life m8. I spent tonight studying calculus after work in order to learn enough to use some models that interest me. There is a 15 year old out there who could pick this up overnight, while I push myself to do easy problems after work. What can you do? Either give up or push forward.

kondov 8y ago

I've been struggling with the same problem for quite some time now, so I thought I'd share how I've been coping with it. The most important thing is to realize that becoming the best in something should not be the motivation pushing you in this industry. In competitive games like Dota, there is a clear winner and loser when the match is over. The real competition in programming, however, is being better than you were before, expanding your mindset and solving more complex problems. There will always be someone better, smarter or a faster learner but that doesn't diminish the progress you've already made. There are people who have talents for certain things, there are people who learn certain things faster. I've found that competing with myself is the only healthy way to move forward or I would always feel that I'm not good enough compared to others. As it was already mentioned in the comments, there is nothing wrong in pushing yourself when you want to improve, but don't take it to the extreme. We operate on work/rest cycles and as you need discipline in work you also need discipline in rest. I try to look at the process of improvement like a marathon rather than a sprint. The journey is going to be a long one, so don't lose the joy of it by pushing too hard. Think about how long you can go like this and consider if this would take the fun of programming away. Think of unproductive activities as a way to get your mind some rest, much like sleep.

pjc50 8y ago

It sounds like your learning process is inefficient and you might want to look at "learning to learn". Or even going back to the instruments for a while and practicing. But then I've always relied on the opposite: just-in-time learning, which was possible in the pre-internet era but is now much, much easier. You need to accept that the world is too big to fit in your head - even limiting yourself to the field of programming, there's a huge amount of material out there. You need to specialise. You've also not said what all this is for - is it an end in itself, or is it in service of getting a better job? For the money? To prove something to yourself, or to others? Do you actually need to climb your own personal Everest?

danenania 8y ago

It sounds like you’re optimizing for doing the most work and spending the most time learning, but in my experience, it’s better to optimize for quality of work and quality of learning. You don’t do that by staying in overdrive all the time. Taking time to relax, reflect, and assimilate really is necessary to keep your creative mind functioning well.

yjftsjthsd-h 8y ago

> There are 15 year old kids who know more than me currently, then I will ever learn/know. If the rest of your comment is true, this is probably false. Seriously, if you train constantly, a 15 year old hasn't had enough time to compete. So what's more likely is that you see people who have delved deeply into one thing deeper than you... But you know other things that they don't have a clue about.

tribesman 8y ago
>If the rest of your comment is true, this is probably false. Seriously, if you train constantly, a 15 year old hasn't had enough time to compete Efforts are not everything. Having resources and abilities also matter. There can be 15 year olds who know far better than people who have spent years in a job. Let's not pretend that it can't be possible.

giu 8y ago

> But how do I deal with the fact that I always feel that there are people out there who are a lot better than me and a lot younger I know exactly what you mean, since I have been at that place myself multiple times throughout my studies and work life. Short background: I went back to study at the university (B.Sc. + M.Sc.) at the age of 24 and got my M.Sc. degree at the age of 30; now I'm working as a software engineer at a startup. What really helped was in a first step to work on fully accepting myself. You will always find people that are smarter, faster, <insert adjective here> than you, but that does not mean that you are not worth of love or respect. It's okay to not be able to solve an interview question in time, or to fail an exam, or to not understand a topic the first time you hear about it. We're humans, and this is part of being human. Self compassion and meditation helped and still help me a lot, especially when I'm facing situations where my self-esteem takes a hit or two. It also helped a lot to understand that everyone has its own pace. If I would have gone to university years earlier I would have probably failed, because I just wasn't ready for that step at that point in my life. Now I'm 31 years of age, and I am where I want to be. And that's the important thing: it's the right place _for me_, but it may not be the right place _for you_ or for someone else, and that is totally fine! I'm working with software engineers that are a few years younger than me, who finished their studies quite some time ago and have been working for the past few years, and I'm totally fine with that. It's really awesome, because I'm learning so many things from all of them, and it doesn't matter if they are 21 years or 45 years old. At the end of the day they are also human beings, all with their own baggage filled with fears, failures, positive experiences, and so on. In general, being kinder to myself changed my life for the better, so I can really recommend to first working on being happy with yourself, and then taking further small steps from there. In case you have any questions, I'm more than happy to answer them. Wish you all the best for the future, you can do it!

SomewhatLikely 8y ago

I have wondered if anyone has advice on what an ideal pie chart of your discretionary time should look like. How much of my time should be spent learning new technical things, and of that how much should be directly applicable versus exploring related fields versus totally random, hoping for serendipitous connections. How much of my time should instead be spent on reading classic literature, building side projects, household chores such as tidying up, personal finance, watching tv and movies, playing video games, revisiting old journals of ideas, socializing, networking, etc. I'm sure if most people sat down and did a full accounting of how they spend their time, they'd feel guilty. We know we need rest, just not how much of it. Nor how to divide up the non-rest time optimally. It's not even clear what the objective function is. Happiness? Meaningfulness? Bank account? Reproductive success? I haven't dedicated enough of my pie to reading the thoughts of others on this subject.

EliRivers 8y ago

This sounds like an obsession that is adversely affecting your life. If you had a painful tooth that was affecting your ability to relax, you'd see a dentist. If you had a leg injury that was affecting your life, you'd see a medical professional. Do the same for this. Looking after your mental health is simply a sensible thing to do.

tribesman 8y ago

Wow so many people feel insecure to younger folks! Now, i understand why tech companies have ageism. Basically, you guys are reinforcing this thing that younger people are far better.

QuantumDogg 8y ago

Hah, it's like someone wrote this for me (Also had 2000+ hours of Dota). Now after having too much stress, I have been experimenting with these thoughts: -Hey, I have x amount of time and I can't master all this y. I should plan what I want to master. -Well, how do I plan what to master. How about I try to set my next goal. -What kind of goal? Must start from the most important stuff first. Maybe something like what is the minimum needed to make me more fulfilled in life. -What are these things that make more fulfilled in life? For me they were mostly goals for attitude and social skills. There was only one goal that had to do with becoming better with technology and that was trying to find my thing in technology. Which was a bit of surprise for me ,considering what I have done with my time trying to master everything. I am still experimenting with this, but I found that there isn't this constant damaging stress where I feel like I am on a timer.

Jarwain 8y ago

So lets go in a different direction. If you want to be the best you can, taking care of yourself is of Vital Importance. - Getting enough sleep is important for memory formation. - Eating healthy, nutritionally diverse keeps your body fueled and your mind sharp. The American diet tends to be deficient in vitamin B7, vitamin D, vitamin E, chromium, iodine and molybdenum [1]. - Regular exercise improves mood, sleep, and memory. [2] I'm sure you can see how these would be helpful. Taking regular breaks, distracting yourself, is also hugely beneficial in how it can shift the gears in your brain. It also adds creative material for your brain, which helps drawing those loose-but-oh-so-useful associations. On top of that, reducing stress is a big plus for brain function. Especially in the long term. Go easy on yourself, you don't have to be the best. Heck, what even is "best". Everything's relative. No one is better at being you than yourself. Practice self-compassion. Everything is OK. If your issue is that you Recognize all of this, you Understand it, but the problem is that the Thoughts still pop up, Remember: You are not your thoughts. Whenever you recognize it occurring, just take a deep breath, Acknowledge the thoughts, label them, and focus on being present. Regular meditation is pretty helpful in this regard. Or, establish a purpose, a goal to shoot for, either short term or long term, and break it down into tiny pieces. Measure your progress, and relish your data-backed improvement. Measure how well you take care of yourself too, and Prioritize That. If only just because it would benefit your progress on your purpose. Or heck, quantify yourself and figure out how your lifestyle affects your brain's efficiency. [3] [1]https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2905334/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2905334/ [2]https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes-brain-improve-memory-thinking-skills-201404097110 https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/regular-exercise-changes... [3]http://www.quantified-mind.com/ http://www.quantified-mind.com/

c032 8y ago

Homeostasis