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> I can't stress this enough - if you're not happy with life, and you feel like you aren't moving closer to your goals and dreams, make a change!!! I generally

> I can't stress this enough - if you're not happy with life, and you feel like you aren't moving closer to your goals and dreams, make a change!!! I generally agree with this feeling, but with some caveats. Change for the sake of change is at best a temporary solution. You get some excitement because of the new situation (new job, new country, new partner), but if you don't first identify what isn't working before changing it, you may not actually find a long-term solution. As the saying goes, "wherever you go, there you are". Sometimes what you need to change is inside yourself. Otherwise you just take your old problems with you to your new country.

gringoDan 8y ago
This is profound. Mark Manson [0] writes about how long-term happiness/tranquility can only be found in saying "No" in our world of infinite choice - in intentionally limiting ourselves and actively choosing to focus on depth rather than breadth in our relationships, careers, travels, etc. [0] https://markmanson.net/ https://markmanson.net/
toomanybeersies 8y ago
I discovered this when I moved countries. It sounds so cheesy, but often the problem is within you, it's not an external problem, even if it seems to manifest itself that way. Anyway, I moved countries in an attempt to run from my problems, only to find exactly the same problems in my new home. It took me some time to realise that they were internal problems. Moving countries doesn't magically solve everything.
dougmwne 8y ago
This is exactly how I used to think. Then I started moving around. A lot. Now I think that our environment determines our behavior and our mental life to such a huge degree that it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to grasp the full extent of it. New career, new you. New friends, new you. New country, new you. New language, new you. The thing is, most people experience a very slowly changing environment for long enough that they start to think they only change slowly. Rapid changes in environment lead to rapid changes in self, which can feel a little like being inverted. Having glimpsed how some of this works, I now try to carefully arrange my environment to make sure it'll produce the behaviors I desire. Some small examples: Goal: I want to walk more. Solution: There has to be somewhere pleasant and interesting to walk directly out my door. Goal: I want to eat more meals at home. Solution: My eating table should be close to the kitchen, but in a comfortable and desirable place to sit, like a patio overlooking the back garden. Goal: I want to read more. Solution: Leave my laptop and phone locked in the trunk of my car. Cover the coffee table with books.
- gringoDan 8y ago
  I think this is a both/and, rather than either/or scenario. There's no doubt your environment has a massive impact on behavior modification; I agree with everything you wrote. However, the key here is that you first identified a specific problem that you wanted to solve. From there, you created an environment that exploited our (for lack of a better term) inherent laziness and brought about desired behaviors because it was the path of least resistance. I think often people change their environment without first undergoing the uncomfortable but integral process of self-reflection to determine what needs to change. Then, when their lives aren't magically better, they are disappointed. We are all constantly changing; our environment and our actions are a vicious circle that produce this change. But from what I've seen, the vast majority of people don't direct those changes through conscious thoughts & behavior, so they take on both the good and bad characteristics of their environment (profession, city, friends, culture, etc.) and then are surprised at the result.
  - bovermyer 8y ago
    The other piece to this is that humans are actually pretty bad at self-analysis. Self-reflection is important, but it needs to be coupled with honest discussions with other people to get something approximating an accurate picture.
- ggambetta 8y ago
  I agree about environment conditioning you to some extent; but not necessarily solving underlying, unrelated problems. I've lived in 4 different countries in the last 8 years so I've also been moving quite a bit, even between continents, and I have "reinvented" myself in every new country and job, and absorbed new ways of living as well. But it took me this long and this many countries to realise that some of the issues I had were relationship issues, not country or job issues, which is why I took them with me across countries and jobs. While I agree with what you're saying, this is why I believe that trying to fix a general sense of unhappiness or unfulfilment by going through drastic changes may be an overreaction if you don't understand what you're trying to fix in the first place.
thirdsun 8y ago
Well said. All too often those inspirational prompts to chase your dreams feel slightly too unconditional. If everything you do is temporary, you'll never arrive anywhere.

gringoDan 8y ago

This is profound. Mark Manson [0] writes about how long-term happiness/tranquility can only be found in saying "No" in our world of infinite choice - in intentionally limiting ourselves and actively choosing to focus on depth rather than breadth in our relationships, careers, travels, etc. [0] https://markmanson.net/ https://markmanson.net/

toomanybeersies 8y ago

I discovered this when I moved countries. It sounds so cheesy, but often the problem is within you, it's not an external problem, even if it seems to manifest itself that way. Anyway, I moved countries in an attempt to run from my problems, only to find exactly the same problems in my new home. It took me some time to realise that they were internal problems. Moving countries doesn't magically solve everything.

dougmwne 8y ago

This is exactly how I used to think. Then I started moving around. A lot. Now I think that our environment determines our behavior and our mental life to such a huge degree that it's embarrassing and uncomfortable to grasp the full extent of it. New career, new you. New friends, new you. New country, new you. New language, new you. The thing is, most people experience a very slowly changing environment for long enough that they start to think they only change slowly. Rapid changes in environment lead to rapid changes in self, which can feel a little like being inverted. Having glimpsed how some of this works, I now try to carefully arrange my environment to make sure it'll produce the behaviors I desire. Some small examples: Goal: I want to walk more. Solution: There has to be somewhere pleasant and interesting to walk directly out my door. Goal: I want to eat more meals at home. Solution: My eating table should be close to the kitchen, but in a comfortable and desirable place to sit, like a patio overlooking the back garden. Goal: I want to read more. Solution: Leave my laptop and phone locked in the trunk of my car. Cover the coffee table with books.

gringoDan 8y ago
I think this is a both/and, rather than either/or scenario. There's no doubt your environment has a massive impact on behavior modification; I agree with everything you wrote. However, the key here is that you first identified a specific problem that you wanted to solve. From there, you created an environment that exploited our (for lack of a better term) inherent laziness and brought about desired behaviors because it was the path of least resistance. I think often people change their environment without first undergoing the uncomfortable but integral process of self-reflection to determine what needs to change. Then, when their lives aren't magically better, they are disappointed. We are all constantly changing; our environment and our actions are a vicious circle that produce this change. But from what I've seen, the vast majority of people don't direct those changes through conscious thoughts & behavior, so they take on both the good and bad characteristics of their environment (profession, city, friends, culture, etc.) and then are surprised at the result.
- bovermyer 8y ago
  The other piece to this is that humans are actually pretty bad at self-analysis. Self-reflection is important, but it needs to be coupled with honest discussions with other people to get something approximating an accurate picture.
ggambetta 8y ago
I agree about environment conditioning you to some extent; but not necessarily solving underlying, unrelated problems. I've lived in 4 different countries in the last 8 years so I've also been moving quite a bit, even between continents, and I have "reinvented" myself in every new country and job, and absorbed new ways of living as well. But it took me this long and this many countries to realise that some of the issues I had were relationship issues, not country or job issues, which is why I took them with me across countries and jobs. While I agree with what you're saying, this is why I believe that trying to fix a general sense of unhappiness or unfulfilment by going through drastic changes may be an overreaction if you don't understand what you're trying to fix in the first place.

thirdsun 8y ago

Well said. All too often those inspirational prompts to chase your dreams feel slightly too unconditional. If everything you do is temporary, you'll never arrive anywhere.