8 ms·
It was 10 years ago that I was 32, but at that point in time I had over $100K easily in my 401K. By the time I divorced three years ago, I had over $200K in the
by dsnuh 8y ago
It was 10 years ago that I was 32, but at that point in time I had over $100K easily in my 401K. By the time I divorced three years ago, I had over $200K in there.
After the divorce, I have about $20K left after having to split it with my ex-wife, who had saved a grand total of $2.00 during our marriage.
I don't really have a point, except that some people are very good at saving, even from a young age, and some people will never save a penny. The key is starting young. As soon as you are able to contribute anything, even 1%, you get the advantage of compounding interest over time, which is the key.
- gnicholas 8y agoOut of curiosity, where did you live? Did you buy a home?
- dsnuh 8y agoSan Diego, and yes, bought a home in 2006 (smart move!) before we got married. The mortgage, deed, title, everything was in my name only, as my ex-wife (girlfriend at the time) had shitty credit, and zero savings. The house was deeply underwater the entire marriage, up until we split in 2016, when it would maaaaybe break even money if I sold it. I was renting a tiny studio apartment at the time, while still paying the mortgage, plus child and spousal support. I decided to try to stay in the house, since I didn't have the $3000-$5000 it takes for security deposits to rent, and I was hoping that if I could hold onto it, the value would increase to a point where I might come out with some money. I can't afford it at all, but so far I have been able to piece together payments before going into foreclosure, so I guess that's a win. The thing about divorce that I didn't realize is that making the decision to get divorced in the first place is the easiest and least painful of many choices you will need to make as a result.
- asdfman123 8y agoHow does that math work out? Why didn't you get at least half of it? Did you get full ownership of the house or something?
- ryandrake 8y agoI’m surprised he ended up with anything. Divorces can be financially brutal on men. Even more so if kids are involved :(
- asdfman123 8y agoI hear that online, but from what I read is that you just split half of your community property. Where's the disconnect? Also, in my state you don't split assets people had before going into the marriage. Maybe that's just here though.
- dsnuh 8y agoThose all applied in my case, and I simplified my original statement too much (I lost more than half because that's where I had saved funds that I had to use in the divorce to "offset" the other party's interest). My apologies. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I don't know if everyone realizes that if you are the only one in the household saving away for the future, that those savings are not "yours" if the marriage ends, even if your ex-spouse was absolutely frivolous with money, they will get half of anything you saved, and speaking from experience, that feeling absolutely sucks and was one that I am still trying to recover from years later.
- asdfman123 8y agoI'm scared. I'm a big saver and it's always been my goal to retire early, but I'm constantly having to push my fiancee not to throw away money frivolously. She also makes far less than me because she wants to work in a field where she makes a difference. She could make twice as much, but she chooses not to. We're not going to have kids, and we split chores equally. It seems messed up that the relationship is going to put me in worse state financially by subsidizing my partner, and on top of that the laws are structured to give her more money (even though she's fully capable of making more herself). I love her a great deal and our relationship is otherwise healthy, but I'm scared for a hypothetical situation where things go south. Expect the best, prepare for the worst, right?
- mrhappyunhappy 8y agoYou have to consider that you are an outlier. I think the problem with most millennials is that they don't have jobs that can afford them to save anything or are constantly in between jobs where by the time you find something you have to pay off additional accumulated debt.
- dsnuh 8y agoI honestly doubt I am that far off an outlier based on this being HN... Edit: To be clear, I mean that I suspect that there are a number of high-earning individuals on this forum that have assets like property, retirement accounts, stock options, RSUs, bonuses, etc., and that many in my situation would be paying similar amounts. Keep in mind that I am talking about divorces involving lawyers on each side. I have no doubt that others make out much better if they have a sane ex-spouse that just wants to move on with their life.
- NTDF9 8y ago> After the divorce, I have about $20K left after having to split it with my ex-wife, who had saved a grand total of $2.00 during our marriage. Wow, that is brutal. I'm guessing common law state? Even then, shouldn't you have 50%? Was it attorney expenses?
- dsnuh 8y agoPlease see my response above, I wasn't clear in my original post, my apologies.
- coldtea 8y agoWell, another obvious takeaway is that even if you're "very good at saving" a divorce can still wipe it all up... or an illness or accident, and several other such emergencies...
- dsnuh 8y agoTrue, true. I mention divorce since marriage is a risky behavior which leads to terminal conditions in more than 50% of the cases contracted. ;)