All of this seems wrong to me. It's ok to feel feelings, not just ups but also downs. How we bear and cope with losses and "negative" emotions is an important a

All of this seems wrong to me. It's ok to feel feelings, not just ups but also downs. How we bear and cope with losses and "negative" emotions is an important and defining part of the human experience. Imagine a world where the only movies, tv shows, and books allowed were comedies, it would be a much less interesting and much less substantive world. Adopting a "sour grapes" attitude toward the loss of a romantic relationship is not mature, and it is certainly not a healthy coping strategy. I have to wonder about any advice for dealing with a relationship loss that would be drastically different depending on who initiated a breakup or depending on whether or not the loss occurred due to a death. Nobody would advise dealing with the death of a loved one by regularly thinking about all of the ways that the deceased was shitty and thus one's life was actually better without them around, would they? As I said, it's ok to feel feelings. What is important here is having feelings that are grounded in reality, having feelings that are part of your life rather than subsuming and taking over your life, and avoiding "negative" feelings pushing you into a spiral of negative self-talk or excessive rumination on the past or on fictional time lines. People break up, it's a thing that happens. It's important to first recognize that other people can and should have agency over their own lives which is independent from you. It's also important to recognize your own self-worth, your ability to continue living, to have other relationships and to live a rewarding life even when single. It's fine to experience and be brought low by loss, even if it's "just" the ending of a relationship, you don't have to vilify your ex to be able to get beyond that loss. With healthy coping strategies you can integrate that loss into your life, having it be a part of who you are without defining and controlling you.