I've got a somewhat different method, which can very loosely be described as acceptance, taking responsibility and growth. There are a few parts to a breakup:

I've got a somewhat different method, which can very loosely be described as acceptance, taking responsibility and growth. There are a few parts to a breakup: Withdrawal Symptoms When you first start to have romantic feelings for someone and have those butterflies in your stomach, you are high as fuck on some pretty great chemicals. Just like any addiction, your body builds a resistance to the dosage and forms a dependency. There is nothing you can do about this, except to wait for it to pass (which it will). Loss of Control You are thrust into a position where you have no control over the situation and, seemingly, your emotions. You have no control over the situation, accept that. Accept that the other person has decided on a different direction. Don't accept that you are not in control of your emotions. Dealing with heartbreak is categorically a personal enterprise - your opinions on what the other person did or didn't do will do nothing for your own emotional state. Heartbreak is just like hatred: it affects nobody except for the person experiencing that emotion. Gaining control over your emotional state first requires accepting it and the futility of thinking that you can control any external factor that is causing it. Unacknowledged Guilt Also known as "closure." This is, one again, a completely internal process and no amount of discussions with your ex will help push it forward. For any normally functioning relationship (read: non-abusive), it takes two to tango. I can't speak to Melissa's (from the article) experience, as I don't have all the details, so I'll share one of my experiences: It started with an ultimatum, "me or smoking." I honestly tried to quit, but couldn't manage without her support - she wanted nothing to do with it. I had to lie while I failed to deliver on that promise. After two and a half years, of lies, I finally managed to quit and - still partially in withdrawals - I told her that I had made good on the promise. It turned into a pretty horrible fight and she ended it. I [correctly] concluded that ultimatums have no place in relationships, but [incorrectly] concluded that was the end of it. My family and friends were all to happy to feed this delusion, assuming it was helping. It was only when I started correcting them, explaining that I had lied to her for two years that the heartbreak started dissolving. I had to acknowledge my guilt, which curiously gave me back control over the situation: it was no longer something someone else did putting me through those emotions - it was me. Those "what if" scenarios that ran through my head all collapsed into one: "what if I hadn't lied." I might have lost her at the onset, but then I wouldn't have had heartbreak. She might have decided to support me if I asked for help, and I might have quit far sooner. I now have a plan to make sure that I won't face that scenario ever again. Commit to Grow Act on what you have discovered about yourself and others. My first lesson was to reject ultimatums, but also to be honest - no matter what the consequences might be for me. There's a millions of tiny things that happen in failed relationships and each of them are an opportunity to grow. You never walk away empty-handed.