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I am not gonna post this as anonymous, because I need to put this out of my chest: I am absolutely terrified of blood pressure being high/measuring it. I was g

by fb03 8y ago

I am not gonna post this as anonymous, because I need to put this out of my chest: I am absolutely terrified of blood pressure being high/measuring it. I was giggling (and almost crying) while reading the article, because putting it out into words makes it sounds really ridiculous, stupid, and obvious, but for us while we are following one of our 'mental stories', it feels very real. I have the same stuff OP wrote about, but with blood pressure. I am absolutely terrified of 'having high blood pressure' because of traumas of the past, and stuff that was said to me that kinda stuck. I fear having my blood pressure measured and having that makes it go up as I try to measure it. It sucks and is really detrimental to my mental health. I have anxiety and panic attacks. Whenever I feel uneasy or feel my heart beat faster and/or stronger in my chest, I think: "what if my blood pressure is severely high right now? that is why I am having these symptoms! what if... what if... what if..." I have measured my blood pressure probably a million times and usually at the third reading it is fine (I need to measure 2-3 times because the first reading is always a little high, because I panic - heart rate goes up, my breathing gets strange). By the time I end my ritual, the blood pressure is always fine at 11-12/7 or 12-13/8, and I get relief for some days or weeks (the thought goes away). I have also countless times doubted these good readings and thought 'what if by the time I just got this good reading it got back to being high? I don't know right now, it could be high right now?'. These doubts made me do insane things like measuring it all the time for some weeks (I'm past that phase, thank goodness). I have also made my wife measure it while I sleep "just to make sure I really don't have high BP all the time" -- turns out, because I am sleeping and unaware I am about to be measured, my blood pressure readings (even the first one) are always good. I still can't let go of it... Almost every time I go to cardiologist or anything related to heart/blood pressure, if the doctor approaches me to try to measure my BP, my anxiety goes off. And the reading is usually a little high. On rare occasions, if the doctor is understanding of my fear/condition and talks me out of it (and has patience), I get a good reading and that brightens my day up more than earning a million bucks. Like I said, writing it out makes it sound so ridiculous to me, almost like a play. I just wish I wasn't cast to it... 'what if' is the true enemy. PS: I jog 2km 5 times a week and swim 1.5km 3 times a week. I am still not convinced I am healthy and strong - if i get any palpitations from strenuous exercise "hey it could be my bp or my heart acting funny" PS2: I have done multiple ekgs, dopplers, 24h ekgs, all fine. The only exam I haven't done yet is the '24h blood pressure readings' because guess what -- terrified of having that stuff stuck to my arm for a whole day.

stephengillie 8y ago
Can you feel your heart beating within your chest, and blood pulsing through your body? Why do you trust external metrics more than internal metrics?
lambdawitch 8y ago
I understand why you have these feelings. I ended up in a similar place for awhile after a traumatic event. The desire to be sure it’s not going to happen again is incredibly strong. The thing is, there is no way to know for sure that you are healthy. Any of us could keel over and die from some previously unknown or suddenly occurring problem at any moment. You’ve already done your due diligence by checking to be reasonably sure you do not have high blood pressure. Now, you just have to let it go. When it comes to stuff like this, 99.9% sure is the best you’re ever going to do. Accept the uncertainty. It would be a real shame to waste part of the life you do have by constantly checking for something that doesn’t exist. The best thing for your mental and physical health is to accept you are probably, albeit not certainly, just fine. If you cannot get over this yourself, I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and medication as appropriate. Good luck!
august9 8y ago
Oh, this is so me. Except I'm constantly convinced I'm having a heart attack. For some reason I associate a fast pulse with imminent death. Then I start to panic and the adrenaline floods in and guess what? My pulse gets faster and the cycle continues. It usually comes up out of nowhere when I'm alone, like I'm convinced I'm going to pass out and nobody is going to know and I'll die for lack of treatment. My doctor actually laughed at me when I described taking a shower, feeling my pulse go up, and imagining passing out, the hot water running out and me dying of a combined heart attack / hypothermia / drowning situation because it would be hours before anyone noticed I was missing. Don't get me started on what goes through my head while driving alone on a highway or, the horror, being out on a lake in a canoe. I try to ride my bike at least 16km a day, and it does help condition me to experiencing a high pulse without sudden death. EKG, stress test, heart ultrasound all came back perfect save for the palpitations, which my doctor described as "extremely, extremely benign." I feel better for a little while after every test but it inevitably comes back, as if I constantly need a medical professional to explain to me that I'm not dying. Are you considering treatment? I'm certainly thinking about it at this point.

by fb03 8y ago

stephengillie 8y ago

Can you feel your heart beating within your chest, and blood pulsing through your body? Why do you trust external metrics more than internal metrics?

lambdawitch 8y ago

I understand why you have these feelings. I ended up in a similar place for awhile after a traumatic event. The desire to be sure it’s not going to happen again is incredibly strong. The thing is, there is no way to know for sure that you are healthy. Any of us could keel over and die from some previously unknown or suddenly occurring problem at any moment. You’ve already done your due diligence by checking to be reasonably sure you do not have high blood pressure. Now, you just have to let it go. When it comes to stuff like this, 99.9% sure is the best you’re ever going to do. Accept the uncertainty. It would be a real shame to waste part of the life you do have by constantly checking for something that doesn’t exist. The best thing for your mental and physical health is to accept you are probably, albeit not certainly, just fine. If you cannot get over this yourself, I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and medication as appropriate. Good luck!

august9 8y ago

Oh, this is so me. Except I'm constantly convinced I'm having a heart attack. For some reason I associate a fast pulse with imminent death. Then I start to panic and the adrenaline floods in and guess what? My pulse gets faster and the cycle continues. It usually comes up out of nowhere when I'm alone, like I'm convinced I'm going to pass out and nobody is going to know and I'll die for lack of treatment. My doctor actually laughed at me when I described taking a shower, feeling my pulse go up, and imagining passing out, the hot water running out and me dying of a combined heart attack / hypothermia / drowning situation because it would be hours before anyone noticed I was missing. Don't get me started on what goes through my head while driving alone on a highway or, the horror, being out on a lake in a canoe. I try to ride my bike at least 16km a day, and it does help condition me to experiencing a high pulse without sudden death. EKG, stress test, heart ultrasound all came back perfect save for the palpitations, which my doctor described as "extremely, extremely benign." I feel better for a little while after every test but it inevitably comes back, as if I constantly need a medical professional to explain to me that I'm not dying. Are you considering treatment? I'm certainly thinking about it at this point.