Or that one civilization (more likely: a tiny number of decision makers within one civilization) got the capability first, and had outposts waiting everywhere b

Or that one civilization (more likely: a tiny number of decision makers within one civilization) got the capability first, and had outposts waiting everywhere before any other species could reach the same galaxy-spanning capabilities. Or that a handful of civilizations spread out before there was one galaxy-wide winner. But all faced similar incentives against paperclip maximizers and toward peacefulness upon contact with other interstellar civilizations. World powers here on Earth recognized that thermonuclear war is a terribly bad idea even though a thermonuclear weapon has never been used in anger. Multiple alien civilizations could perhaps foresee that deploying Nicoll-Dyson Laser weapons would end badly without a single proof-of-concept firing. If a civilization does expand via von Neumann replicator machine life, it becomes a lot more plausible that every machine has similar incentives. It also becomes a lot harder to fully exterminate all machines. There may be no winnable wars between interstellar-capable machine civilizations, assuming that more than one exists in the first place. I know, I'm invoking a lot of speculation. But answering the "where are they?" question of the original Paradox with "lots of places, but we've failed to notice" feels more satisfying to me than guessing that Earth is extraordinarily special. Also more satisfying than guessing that technologically developed species inevitably self-destruct before developing interstellar capabilities.