4 ms·

"The only way to change peoples minds is to realize that you can’t. You can only make it safe for them to change their own minds." I'm curious where you heard

by thomk 8y ago

"The only way to change peoples minds is to realize that you can’t. You can only make it safe for them to change their own minds." I'm curious where you heard that, it's an interesting perspective I have not considered before.

iovrthoughtthis 8y ago
Helping my partner through depression. I realized I kept trying to excersize control over their recovery e.g. making them go to the doctor, making them do things. In the process i found that they very much so wanted to be a “well” person and going to the docotor was not something a “well” person does. So instead of pushing then I just focussed on making it safe for them to be unwell. Through holding space, admitting my own vulnerabilities and issues, and by not reacting negatively to their psychosis symptoms. I recognized the similarity with other instances of changing peoples minds. Some people want control, and accepting your ideas reduces their perceived control, so you need to make it safe for them to accept the idea (change their mind) while still feeling in control. Some people see them selves a good people and admitting their actions are biggoted and hurtful doesn’t fit with that so they rationalize the “others” as bad. To change their minds they need a way to feel like good people even though they’ve done biggoted, hurtful things. Some people are scared and they will rationalize that fear in some mannor. To convince them that there is nothing to fear from that which they rationalised means making it safe for them to experience fear without that justification.
Rubinsalamander 8y ago
Two well informed people can come to different conclusions on the same topic despite both having access to the same information. Its their underlying believes that makes both feel their opinion is right and logical. If you want to change opinions you have to change the underlying believes that form them. And you have to do it in a way that they feel they figured it out on their own. If you do it in a "push down the throat" way it will just make it worse. In that light i dont think the ban was a good idea...

by thomk 8y ago

iovrthoughtthis 8y ago

Helping my partner through depression. I realized I kept trying to excersize control over their recovery e.g. making them go to the doctor, making them do things. In the process i found that they very much so wanted to be a “well” person and going to the docotor was not something a “well” person does. So instead of pushing then I just focussed on making it safe for them to be unwell. Through holding space, admitting my own vulnerabilities and issues, and by not reacting negatively to their psychosis symptoms. I recognized the similarity with other instances of changing peoples minds. Some people want control, and accepting your ideas reduces their perceived control, so you need to make it safe for them to accept the idea (change their mind) while still feeling in control. Some people see them selves a good people and admitting their actions are biggoted and hurtful doesn’t fit with that so they rationalize the “others” as bad. To change their minds they need a way to feel like good people even though they’ve done biggoted, hurtful things. Some people are scared and they will rationalize that fear in some mannor. To convince them that there is nothing to fear from that which they rationalised means making it safe for them to experience fear without that justification.

Rubinsalamander 8y ago

Two well informed people can come to different conclusions on the same topic despite both having access to the same information. Its their underlying believes that makes both feel their opinion is right and logical. If you want to change opinions you have to change the underlying believes that form them. And you have to do it in a way that they feel they figured it out on their own. If you do it in a "push down the throat" way it will just make it worse. In that light i dont think the ban was a good idea...