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I'm the same way! I have to train myself not to think when people give a casual "hey, how are you?". The book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts" has an interesti

I'm the same way! I have to train myself not to think when people give a casual "hey, how are you?". The book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts" has an interesting message about how introverts struggle to fit into an image of society where one must be a quick-witted extrovert in order to be successful and powerful. I think it's the same for fast vs slow thinkers. It's important to know your a slow thinker, and accept it as a strength.

senectus1 8y ago
> I'm the same way! I have to train myself not to think when people give a casual "hey, how are you?". I know, right? I knew I couldn't be the only person around that gets annoyed when other ask this of me and I have to divert resources the answer the annoyingly irrelevant question. even more so when after careful considering and answering, the answer is essentially ignored. every. time.
- malux85 8y ago
  It’s not a literal inquiry, it’s the verbal equivalent of a TCP handshake. It’s protocol negotiation, volume adjustment, and preparation for transmission.
  - robryan 8y ago
    It depends, as a conversation starter it is probably okay. As an entire conversation it is almost entirely pointless, basically 2 people acknowledging that the other still exists.
    - imhoguy 8y ago
      ICMP then
    - jacobush 8y ago
      That's not a bad thing! Acknowledging each other on the social graph.
  - NLips 8y ago
    That's how I see it, and there'd be no point if no further information is exchanged. As a sibling comment says, some people use it more like a ping, where I'm uncomfortable using something other than a more traditional greeting: That is to say, when passing someone in a hall, I want to stick to "hi" or "good morning", and feel uncomfortable if the other person says "how are you?". If it's the start of a conversation, "How are you?" works absolutely fine. I think the problem is that "How are you?" doesn't finish an exchange nicely. You can easily greet someone in passing with A: "Hi" B: "Hi" <EOL> It doesn't work (for me, at least) to go A: "How are you?" B: "(Fine.) How are you?" A: (optional)"Fine" If A responds fine, it feels almost rude to abrubtly finish a conversation that had previously involved both parties asking questions about each other (even though they're really just being used as greetings). If A doesn't respond at all, that's rude for not responding to a question!
- davegauer 8y ago
  I can't fathom why you've been down-voted on this comment! I feel the exact same way and I think you've elaborated on the parent's comment in a usefully specific way. And I, too, find the exchange irritating and have now taken to a stock response of "hi" as a form of "nonviolent resistance"[01] to the question! [01] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_resistance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_resistance
Swizec 8y ago
You would be surprised how often people don't even notice if you respond to "hey, how are you", with "hi". But, really, the script you're meant to follow goes like this: Hey how are you? Hey, good, how about you? Pretty good Then, if the conversation is meant to continue, which it most often is not, one of you says "So ... what's up in your life?" or "So ... how's that thing you're working on going?" or some other more specific question. Edit: let’s also not forget that “howdy” is a shortened version of “how do you do”
- toomanybeersies 8y ago
  It's just a standard greeting. Personally, I find it weird if people actually tell me how they're going when I ask them. It's even more peculiar/banal in French, where the conversation goes: Salut, ça va? Ça va, et toi? Ça va. "Ça va" translates to "it is". So in essence, it's a completely meaningless exchange.
  - pnsr 8y ago
    "Ça va." translates "It's going well", not "it is". Similarly, "Ça va?" translates to "Is it going well?". It's as meaningless an exchange as most greetings (the only meaning being to actually acknowledge and greet the person), but it does mean something literally, and the exchange is technically more complete than when answering "How are you?" with "Hi". That being said, you'll see someone answering "Salut, ça va?" with "Salut!" quite frequently as well. I would perhaps consider it slightly more of a misstep than in English, but only marginally so.
    - bmcfeeley 8y ago
      The literal translation of “Ça va” is neither “it is” nor “it goes well”, right? The literal translation is “it goes”. “It goes well” would be “ça va bien”, which is also used for both question and answer parts of a slightly longer standard greeting. This isn’t a big distinction because I agree with both of you about the relative meaninglessness of the content of such a greeting in either language.
brookside 8y ago
David E. Davis, founder of Automobile magazine was known to ask "Is your life a rich tapestry?" instead of the usual "How are you?". I like that.
- n4r9 8y ago
  The existentialist in me finds that intriguing; the introvert in me finds that terrifying.
  - wry_discontent 8y ago
    I would prefer to ask than be asked.
- internetman55 8y ago
  What is it mean if your natural reaction is to just say "Yeah" with no thought and then continue
- throwawaymath 8y ago
  I'd like to think I'd enthusiastically engage in a question like that. But in reality I think I'd find it extremely off-putting and would want to leave the conversation. There's this sort of...meme, I suppose, of perfect dialogue. You can see it a lot in the way movie characters talk to each other, especially the ones who are supposed to be intellectual. Think of characters like Tyrion Lannister, Robert Ford, Chuck Rhoades or Andy Dufresne. They're not just preternaturally witty - they have excellent rhetorical poise. They don't open conversations directly, they gracefully meander to their point with some kind of obscure arcana or quiet intensity. They're theatrical in their delivery and flush with metaphors, analogies or double entendres. That's the way I feel about questions like, "Is your life a rich tapestry?" That's not a question that's asked or spoken, it's a question that's written. It's so pointed and so raw that, at best, you'd think the asker is eccentric. If you're less charitable you'd think they're simply socially awkward. Opening conversations that way is flying too close to the Sun. I feel that the best way to answer that question is to turn away from the person asking, as if lost in thought. Then you'd make your way to your answer circuitously, by first deflecting to talk about the origin of the word "tapestry" itself alongside some powerful childhood memory about your father or a famous quote made on the eve of war. Finally, you'd arrive at a delightfully disarming answer that gives a real insight into your life and experience. But in actuality I'd probably be asked that at a social gathering and respond with some sort of befuddled, "Er, what do you mean?" while being utterly taken aback at the penetrating intimacy of the question. Later on I'd probably ask someone, "Hey what's up with that guy, did he self-help book big on provocative conversation starters or something?" If you really want to go down the route of non-traditional greetings, I'd recommend, "What have you been reading lately?" or "What are you about?" They still require some situational awareness, but they're a lot less risky and polarizing. I enjoyed being asked those when I first heard them.
foobarian 8y ago
Captured in the classic Budweiser ad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffUDDYYIX04 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffUDDYYIX04
personlurking 8y ago
This is an important distinction. I'm super slow when it comes to "unimportant" questions (how are you, what do you want to eat), but rather fast when it comes to questions I deem more important. Try as I might, I don't that I'll ever be quick to answer the questions I'm "bad" at.
dredmorbius 8y ago
In linguistics, a phatic expression /ˈfætɪk/ is communication which serves a social function, such as social pleasantries that don't seek or offer any information of value.[1] Phatic expressions are a socio-pragmatic function and are used in everyday conversational exchange typically expressed in situational instances that call for social cues.[2] In speech communication the term means "small talk" (conversation for its own sake) and has also been called "grooming talking."[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression See also: http://www.signosemio.com/jakobson/functions-of-language.asp http://www.signosemio.com/jakobson/functions-of-language.asp
theonemind 8y ago
I used to have trouble with this question, until a helpful person pointed out that the person asking almost always doesn't actually care about the answer. It never dawned on me that people would ask questions without caring about the answer, but I knew he was right as soon as he said it. Now, I can just say "fine" and get on with my day.

senectus1 8y ago

> I'm the same way! I have to train myself not to think when people give a casual "hey, how are you?". I know, right? I knew I couldn't be the only person around that gets annoyed when other ask this of me and I have to divert resources the answer the annoyingly irrelevant question. even more so when after careful considering and answering, the answer is essentially ignored. every. time.

malux85 8y ago
It’s not a literal inquiry, it’s the verbal equivalent of a TCP handshake. It’s protocol negotiation, volume adjustment, and preparation for transmission.
- robryan 8y ago
  It depends, as a conversation starter it is probably okay. As an entire conversation it is almost entirely pointless, basically 2 people acknowledging that the other still exists.
  - imhoguy 8y ago
    ICMP then
  - jacobush 8y ago
    That's not a bad thing! Acknowledging each other on the social graph.
- NLips 8y ago
  That's how I see it, and there'd be no point if no further information is exchanged. As a sibling comment says, some people use it more like a ping, where I'm uncomfortable using something other than a more traditional greeting: That is to say, when passing someone in a hall, I want to stick to "hi" or "good morning", and feel uncomfortable if the other person says "how are you?". If it's the start of a conversation, "How are you?" works absolutely fine. I think the problem is that "How are you?" doesn't finish an exchange nicely. You can easily greet someone in passing with A: "Hi" B: "Hi" <EOL> It doesn't work (for me, at least) to go A: "How are you?" B: "(Fine.) How are you?" A: (optional)"Fine" If A responds fine, it feels almost rude to abrubtly finish a conversation that had previously involved both parties asking questions about each other (even though they're really just being used as greetings). If A doesn't respond at all, that's rude for not responding to a question!
davegauer 8y ago
I can't fathom why you've been down-voted on this comment! I feel the exact same way and I think you've elaborated on the parent's comment in a usefully specific way. And I, too, find the exchange irritating and have now taken to a stock response of "hi" as a form of "nonviolent resistance"[01] to the question! [01] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_resistance https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_resistance

Swizec 8y ago

You would be surprised how often people don't even notice if you respond to "hey, how are you", with "hi". But, really, the script you're meant to follow goes like this: Hey how are you? Hey, good, how about you? Pretty good Then, if the conversation is meant to continue, which it most often is not, one of you says "So ... what's up in your life?" or "So ... how's that thing you're working on going?" or some other more specific question. Edit: let’s also not forget that “howdy” is a shortened version of “how do you do”

toomanybeersies 8y ago
It's just a standard greeting. Personally, I find it weird if people actually tell me how they're going when I ask them. It's even more peculiar/banal in French, where the conversation goes: Salut, ça va? Ça va, et toi? Ça va. "Ça va" translates to "it is". So in essence, it's a completely meaningless exchange.
- pnsr 8y ago
  "Ça va." translates "It's going well", not "it is". Similarly, "Ça va?" translates to "Is it going well?". It's as meaningless an exchange as most greetings (the only meaning being to actually acknowledge and greet the person), but it does mean something literally, and the exchange is technically more complete than when answering "How are you?" with "Hi". That being said, you'll see someone answering "Salut, ça va?" with "Salut!" quite frequently as well. I would perhaps consider it slightly more of a misstep than in English, but only marginally so.
  - bmcfeeley 8y ago
    The literal translation of “Ça va” is neither “it is” nor “it goes well”, right? The literal translation is “it goes”. “It goes well” would be “ça va bien”, which is also used for both question and answer parts of a slightly longer standard greeting. This isn’t a big distinction because I agree with both of you about the relative meaninglessness of the content of such a greeting in either language.

brookside 8y ago

David E. Davis, founder of Automobile magazine was known to ask "Is your life a rich tapestry?" instead of the usual "How are you?". I like that.

n4r9 8y ago
The existentialist in me finds that intriguing; the introvert in me finds that terrifying.
- wry_discontent 8y ago
  I would prefer to ask than be asked.
internetman55 8y ago
What is it mean if your natural reaction is to just say "Yeah" with no thought and then continue
throwawaymath 8y ago
I'd like to think I'd enthusiastically engage in a question like that. But in reality I think I'd find it extremely off-putting and would want to leave the conversation. There's this sort of...meme, I suppose, of perfect dialogue. You can see it a lot in the way movie characters talk to each other, especially the ones who are supposed to be intellectual. Think of characters like Tyrion Lannister, Robert Ford, Chuck Rhoades or Andy Dufresne. They're not just preternaturally witty - they have excellent rhetorical poise. They don't open conversations directly, they gracefully meander to their point with some kind of obscure arcana or quiet intensity. They're theatrical in their delivery and flush with metaphors, analogies or double entendres. That's the way I feel about questions like, "Is your life a rich tapestry?" That's not a question that's asked or spoken, it's a question that's written. It's so pointed and so raw that, at best, you'd think the asker is eccentric. If you're less charitable you'd think they're simply socially awkward. Opening conversations that way is flying too close to the Sun. I feel that the best way to answer that question is to turn away from the person asking, as if lost in thought. Then you'd make your way to your answer circuitously, by first deflecting to talk about the origin of the word "tapestry" itself alongside some powerful childhood memory about your father or a famous quote made on the eve of war. Finally, you'd arrive at a delightfully disarming answer that gives a real insight into your life and experience. But in actuality I'd probably be asked that at a social gathering and respond with some sort of befuddled, "Er, what do you mean?" while being utterly taken aback at the penetrating intimacy of the question. Later on I'd probably ask someone, "Hey what's up with that guy, did he self-help book big on provocative conversation starters or something?" If you really want to go down the route of non-traditional greetings, I'd recommend, "What have you been reading lately?" or "What are you about?" They still require some situational awareness, but they're a lot less risky and polarizing. I enjoyed being asked those when I first heard them.

foobarian 8y ago

Captured in the classic Budweiser ad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffUDDYYIX04 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffUDDYYIX04

personlurking 8y ago

This is an important distinction. I'm super slow when it comes to "unimportant" questions (how are you, what do you want to eat), but rather fast when it comes to questions I deem more important. Try as I might, I don't that I'll ever be quick to answer the questions I'm "bad" at.

dredmorbius 8y ago

In linguistics, a phatic expression /ˈfætɪk/ is communication which serves a social function, such as social pleasantries that don't seek or offer any information of value.[1] Phatic expressions are a socio-pragmatic function and are used in everyday conversational exchange typically expressed in situational instances that call for social cues.[2] In speech communication the term means "small talk" (conversation for its own sake) and has also been called "grooming talking."[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression See also: http://www.signosemio.com/jakobson/functions-of-language.asp http://www.signosemio.com/jakobson/functions-of-language.asp

theonemind 8y ago

I used to have trouble with this question, until a helpful person pointed out that the person asking almost always doesn't actually care about the answer. It never dawned on me that people would ask questions without caring about the answer, but I knew he was right as soon as he said it. Now, I can just say "fine" and get on with my day.