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I am a male whose experiences you describe are incredibly congruent. I am 1 year older than you and honestly struggle to find any differences in the details you

by gt_ 8y ago

I am a male whose experiences you describe are incredibly congruent. I am 1 year older than you and honestly struggle to find any differences in the details you share. The one is that I do dress myself but that might be because I am male and can get away with wearing the same thing every day for about a month at a time. I have a regular aspergers coach who helps quite a bit but mostly by compiling their understandings from working with others and relaying them to me. I have always been obsessed with humanities, art, art theory, art history, etc. and have had to internalize this almost entirely. It’s hard to articulate all the problems I have had related to this but they all seem to boil down to an issue of an intensely systemized approach at pretty much every level. For one example, I started out making films, but that was short-lived because I had zero interest in working with people or actors. I was very good with camera and lighting, and planning in pre-production. My film projects were always completed in my mind and fully documented before the start of production. This drove collaborators nuts. I could always see the film in my mind so it made no sense to leave things to chance. I didn’t realize that was the problem until much later. I did identify my habit of using actors as mere props but I made the mistake of trying to overcome that and it led to giving the wrong impression of my skills. Things like navigating curation and promotion were a challenge but making good work generally cancelled them out. Nonetheless, still too many people skills required. Relatedly, I also love critical theory and articulating social organization. I cannot discuss or collaborate with other academics on these subjects. It’s not a problem with disagreements, but that I cannot tell whether they are actively being self-centered or just lack conception of systematic imperatives. In return, they find me to lack empathy for whatever is right in front of me. As such, I don’t want to judge them but I am too bothered to continue associating. All of this stuff is harmful to my well-being but letting the problems go unsolved is not an option, so I aim to occupy myself with other things. I do programming now, every day, whether I am getting paid or not. My happiest moments are when I can fully immerse myself in activities of technical implementation and technical problem solving, as I do when I am programming. My whole body becomes healthier and happier, but the moment I am not doing that, I compulsively identify social chaos and get anxiety. This is a problem in the mornings and evenings. I can get thrown off easily and it will interrupt my ability to start working or going to sleep. I identified this a long time ago and my first solution was to just not stop working once I started, and only sleep when my body forced me to, but that was of course problematic. I have to ask: do you experience something similar? Is there anything you do about it?

s-shellfish 8y ago
My former PhD advisor said lots of exercise, adequate sleep, and good eating are of supreme importance. Otherwise, whatever you want to do, bind yourself to that. Sleep deficits add up. Think conservatively about your mind.
- gt_ 8y ago
  Yeah, that’s what I try to do. I think I revised and added to my comment after you replied. Sorry about that. I added some more of my unique experiences. I have been sleeping better for years but it causes me to have to perform the morning and evening transitions twice as often. EDIT: I guess the thread is too deep but I can’t reply. By “transitions” I just mean all the stuff I do between doing the stuff that occupies me. It’s common that I find another problem and start compulsively trying to fix that instead of getting back to work on the thing I would rather be doing. When I work in an office it’s not really an issue but I am trying to develop patterns that allow me to not work in an office, mostly for career progression. I want to work in a different industry and can only get freelance work in it for now. I also tend to find I ultimately fix my own problems in my own way, but finding corrolaries can be useful in the decisions of what to try next.
  - s-shellfish 8y ago
    Always trying to solve your problems mostly yourself. Shortcut is trust others, but be selective. Of critical importance. I don't know what you mean by transitions, but that's fine. I have my own words too.
  - s-shellfish 8y ago
    Replying too frequently puts a timer on your reply. This can either be good to learn impulse control with explaining or to control heated argumentation. For problems that lead to identification of other problems, taking notes is useful. Mentally imagine setting aside each problem to maintain focus on one at a time. I understand the compulsive mentality where it feels like you created a problem and you need to fix it, where the steps leading to the solution of the problem lead to identification of other problems. Any way of recording each one to maintain focus on solving one at a time is useful. Finding connections, patterns. Decision problems. I understand sort of the transition word, but more like, 'trend' or 'direction' or 'flow'. I tend to analyze my own behavior to meticulous detail, and correct, over and over.

by gt_ 8y ago

s-shellfish 8y ago

My former PhD advisor said lots of exercise, adequate sleep, and good eating are of supreme importance. Otherwise, whatever you want to do, bind yourself to that. Sleep deficits add up. Think conservatively about your mind.

gt_ 8y ago
Yeah, that’s what I try to do. I think I revised and added to my comment after you replied. Sorry about that. I added some more of my unique experiences. I have been sleeping better for years but it causes me to have to perform the morning and evening transitions twice as often. EDIT: I guess the thread is too deep but I can’t reply. By “transitions” I just mean all the stuff I do between doing the stuff that occupies me. It’s common that I find another problem and start compulsively trying to fix that instead of getting back to work on the thing I would rather be doing. When I work in an office it’s not really an issue but I am trying to develop patterns that allow me to not work in an office, mostly for career progression. I want to work in a different industry and can only get freelance work in it for now. I also tend to find I ultimately fix my own problems in my own way, but finding corrolaries can be useful in the decisions of what to try next.
- s-shellfish 8y ago
  Always trying to solve your problems mostly yourself. Shortcut is trust others, but be selective. Of critical importance. I don't know what you mean by transitions, but that's fine. I have my own words too.
- s-shellfish 8y ago
  Replying too frequently puts a timer on your reply. This can either be good to learn impulse control with explaining or to control heated argumentation. For problems that lead to identification of other problems, taking notes is useful. Mentally imagine setting aside each problem to maintain focus on one at a time. I understand the compulsive mentality where it feels like you created a problem and you need to fix it, where the steps leading to the solution of the problem lead to identification of other problems. Any way of recording each one to maintain focus on solving one at a time is useful. Finding connections, patterns. Decision problems. I understand sort of the transition word, but more like, 'trend' or 'direction' or 'flow'. I tend to analyze my own behavior to meticulous detail, and correct, over and over.