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I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation

I'm 21 years old, I grew up online. I started on myspace and chat via gmail, eventually moving to Facebook. Fast forward through an early highschool graduation, and taking most college classes online: I have no idea how on Earth I am to socialize with people in the real world. I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. Each day I ride an uber to my dev job, work mostly by myself, then ride back to my apartment. I speak with my coworkers, but all business, and rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange. To me, it feels like it's going to get worse. I am personally upset that my abilities to connect with other people my age feels so stunted because of the Web. And now, kids in this school district use smartphones in 6th grade. A lot of this is likely bias, my mental health is really suffering, and I've bounced in and out of therapy for awhile. So take it with a grain of salt.

Torwald 8y ago
> rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange If you decide to not do something just because it feels strange, you will limit your growth in many ways. Everything you haven't done very often feels strange. Step out of your so-called comfort zone, make that a habit.
- swiley 8y ago
  You do have to be careful with this, There are plenty of things that feel awkward or strange for good reasons.
- androidgirl 8y ago
  Entirely fair criticism and I am aware that the isolation I am in is self imposed, at least to a degree! Thank you. I am reasonably good at pushing myself at other things, like my career or learning new things. I just need to take that step with my social anxiety as well.
  - nshelly 8y ago
    Is there a form of exercise you enjoy? Even walking is fine. Put on a podcast and go for a stroll (longer the better). Then afterwards, use the momentum and sense of accomplishment to push yourself to try something "strange" or out of your comfort zone. I think with Uber/Lyft drivers, I agree that the conversation in the car is very fleeting, so it's important to invest and try to build new relationships that will be more long-lasting (e.g. like a sports club, board games group, book groups, etc).
philipodonnell 8y ago
Honestly, try meetup.com, find something you enjoy doing and go do it with other people. Worst case you do something you enjoy doing. Best case you meet people who also enjoy that thing.
- jesuslop 8y ago
  Have you tried that meetup thing? How did it went?
  - philipodonnell 8y ago
    I use it all the time, but more because I manage a few groups, people who come out and I talk with are always happy to find there are people who share their interests, even if they never come back.
    - jesuslop 8y ago
      Interesting!
stareatgoats 8y ago
> I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. I've long suspected that Facebook serves a beneficial function for lonely singles, a way to socialize without having a partner or IRL friends. As a short term fix against loneliness I think that's great. That said, constant Facebooking can also get in the way of getting to know and keeping friends IRL. Sounds to me you are poised to explore the big and growing world of people who prefer face-to-face relationships, i.e. the kind of relationships that matters most. Hang in there.
- mjevans 8y ago
  My own opinion, and one reason I avoid all such sites and accounts so stringently, is that such "platforms" (walled gardens) are a man in the middle attack on social interaction. This affects society's health and wellbeing overall, including making it more difficult to engage in healthy relationships/interactions with others addicted to any given platform.
pnathan 8y ago
The post-college life is very hard this way. A very good friend of mine did not grow up on the web, is very gregarious, and still finds that connecting with people is hard, despite whereever she goes. Some regions are worse - the PNW is notoriously bad regarding this. My suggestion is to find a hobby - any hobby that doesn't seem gross and is within your means and personality - and take a class, then branch out regarding social groups from there. oh yes - to you (& any other people reading this) - if you ever stop by Seattle, I'm always open for lunch downtown during the work week - and I love meeting Strangers From The Internet. We often have more in common than randos on the street. :)
techopoly 8y ago
I'm sorry to hear this. I used to have major struggles like this when I was younger. I think people like us are very much in our own heads, maybe too much. Sometimes it's good for us to just jump out there and socialize. Sometimes all it takes is to pretend to be outgoing for 2 hours at a time. Go to a conference for work, or play sports at the gym, whatever. Of course it's a challenge every time, and I'm oversimplifying (I'm definitely no mental health professional). It took me years -- decades really -- to get more comfortable being outgoing. But a life lived with good relationships is truly a more fulfilling life. Progress in this area often happens by way of other activities, because it's just less initially awkward, and people have things in common. Do you like sports? Join a softball team. Music? Take lessons, and play shows and meet people. Go to the same restaurant regularly and get to know the staff. Volunteer and help others. Join a church or an organization with people that share your beliefs. Have conversations with people you come across -- take interest in the Uber drivers' lives, and you'll quickly become their favorite customer. Once you have good connections with a group of people, before you know it you'll start meeting their friends, and so on, and eventually you'll have your own group of buddies that you'll see around town. Also, you're connecting with others on Hacker News, which is something. I think you might have more of a knack for this than you realize. I would say to do what you're doing here -- people don't have enough conversations in the real world, so people that do so stand out as being friendly. It hurts me to hear of other people going through what I went through and still do from time to time. But if I could boil what I've learned down to one piece of advice, I would say, show others that you care about them. They're very likely going through struggles similar to what you are experiencing. Every person in our lives is a gift, and it's easy for all of us to forget this. Wishing you the best!
- androidgirl 8y ago
  Thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate the "I've been there, here's what worked" outlook as well. I'll start working to implement some of these practices in my life. Finding a good organization sounds like a great idea and something I need to just do. There's a makerspace a few blocks from my work. I think it's time to email them about membership!
  - 8y ago

Torwald 8y ago

> rarely speak with the drivers because it feels so awkward and strange If you decide to not do something just because it feels strange, you will limit your growth in many ways. Everything you haven't done very often feels strange. Step out of your so-called comfort zone, make that a habit.

swiley 8y ago
You do have to be careful with this, There are plenty of things that feel awkward or strange for good reasons.
androidgirl 8y ago
Entirely fair criticism and I am aware that the isolation I am in is self imposed, at least to a degree! Thank you. I am reasonably good at pushing myself at other things, like my career or learning new things. I just need to take that step with my social anxiety as well.
- nshelly 8y ago
  Is there a form of exercise you enjoy? Even walking is fine. Put on a podcast and go for a stroll (longer the better). Then afterwards, use the momentum and sense of accomplishment to push yourself to try something "strange" or out of your comfort zone. I think with Uber/Lyft drivers, I agree that the conversation in the car is very fleeting, so it's important to invest and try to build new relationships that will be more long-lasting (e.g. like a sports club, board games group, book groups, etc).

philipodonnell 8y ago

Honestly, try meetup.com, find something you enjoy doing and go do it with other people. Worst case you do something you enjoy doing. Best case you meet people who also enjoy that thing.

jesuslop 8y ago
Have you tried that meetup thing? How did it went?
- philipodonnell 8y ago
  I use it all the time, but more because I manage a few groups, people who come out and I talk with are always happy to find there are people who share their interests, even if they never come back.
  - jesuslop 8y ago
    Interesting!

stareatgoats 8y ago

> I quit and deactivated Facebook in January, and since I have felt so truly alone. I've long suspected that Facebook serves a beneficial function for lonely singles, a way to socialize without having a partner or IRL friends. As a short term fix against loneliness I think that's great. That said, constant Facebooking can also get in the way of getting to know and keeping friends IRL. Sounds to me you are poised to explore the big and growing world of people who prefer face-to-face relationships, i.e. the kind of relationships that matters most. Hang in there.

mjevans 8y ago
My own opinion, and one reason I avoid all such sites and accounts so stringently, is that such "platforms" (walled gardens) are a man in the middle attack on social interaction. This affects society's health and wellbeing overall, including making it more difficult to engage in healthy relationships/interactions with others addicted to any given platform.

pnathan 8y ago

The post-college life is very hard this way. A very good friend of mine did not grow up on the web, is very gregarious, and still finds that connecting with people is hard, despite whereever she goes. Some regions are worse - the PNW is notoriously bad regarding this. My suggestion is to find a hobby - any hobby that doesn't seem gross and is within your means and personality - and take a class, then branch out regarding social groups from there. oh yes - to you (& any other people reading this) - if you ever stop by Seattle, I'm always open for lunch downtown during the work week - and I love meeting Strangers From The Internet. We often have more in common than randos on the street. :)

techopoly 8y ago

I'm sorry to hear this. I used to have major struggles like this when I was younger. I think people like us are very much in our own heads, maybe too much. Sometimes it's good for us to just jump out there and socialize. Sometimes all it takes is to pretend to be outgoing for 2 hours at a time. Go to a conference for work, or play sports at the gym, whatever. Of course it's a challenge every time, and I'm oversimplifying (I'm definitely no mental health professional). It took me years -- decades really -- to get more comfortable being outgoing. But a life lived with good relationships is truly a more fulfilling life. Progress in this area often happens by way of other activities, because it's just less initially awkward, and people have things in common. Do you like sports? Join a softball team. Music? Take lessons, and play shows and meet people. Go to the same restaurant regularly and get to know the staff. Volunteer and help others. Join a church or an organization with people that share your beliefs. Have conversations with people you come across -- take interest in the Uber drivers' lives, and you'll quickly become their favorite customer. Once you have good connections with a group of people, before you know it you'll start meeting their friends, and so on, and eventually you'll have your own group of buddies that you'll see around town. Also, you're connecting with others on Hacker News, which is something. I think you might have more of a knack for this than you realize. I would say to do what you're doing here -- people don't have enough conversations in the real world, so people that do so stand out as being friendly. It hurts me to hear of other people going through what I went through and still do from time to time. But if I could boil what I've learned down to one piece of advice, I would say, show others that you care about them. They're very likely going through struggles similar to what you are experiencing. Every person in our lives is a gift, and it's easy for all of us to forget this. Wishing you the best!

androidgirl 8y ago
Thank you so much for the kind words! I appreciate the "I've been there, here's what worked" outlook as well. I'll start working to implement some of these practices in my life. Finding a good organization sounds like a great idea and something I need to just do. There's a makerspace a few blocks from my work. I think it's time to email them about membership!
- 8y ago