4 ms·

I disagree. I'm 40, and had life pre-internet. Cell phones were still expensive when I was in school. A portion of my friends were too poor to regularly have h

I disagree. I'm 40, and had life pre-internet. Cell phones were still expensive when I was in school. A portion of my friends were too poor to regularly have home telephone service. I'm bisexual, and paid for that bit with a middle school not talking to me most of a school year. I lost friends because I dated folks with a different skin color. I didn't really tell folks I was atheist back then, but it didn't really matter because my parents required I go to church every sunday. I lived in the midwest. The town sizes ranged from 3000 to around 50k. I've never really had more than 2-3 friends at once, and sometimes didn't have that. My ex wound up with schizophrenia, but that's another story altogether. I started being lonely at 10 or 11. That's only gone away in the last 6-10 years. Regular internet meant I've met folks I can simply be myself with. I moved - across an ocean - to be with one of those folks. I'm rarely lonely anymore, even with the internet. Even with the language barrier. Even with my weirdness. For the first time in my life, here I feel like I kinda belong, and it is a mix of offline and online stuff. I'm even in a country that is "difficult" for folks to make friends with - or at least they say it is. On the other hand, it actually fits my personality better. I don't find it hard to talk to folks online. Male or female (I tend to have more male friends than female, and don't care about the distinction. My male spouse is the opposite). sure, some folks are simply there to flirt, but I can shut them down pretty quickly.

rainbowmverse 8y ago
Familiar! Some of it, at least. Asking the "wrong" people out in middle school ('90s) sure was a fast track to being an outcast. Paradoxically, the rising positive presence of LGBTQ+ people in media in the '90s made things worse. People were on the lookout for us! I don't know if it was worse than the '80s where our presence in the media was almost universally negative. Later, I found Twitter, and met a friend (also bi) who had lived mere miles away all my life. We probably never would have met without the internet. Having backup when we hang out has actually made me more social because I'm not worried about being alone up against a crowd who decides it's time to make an example of someone.
- Broken_Hippo 8y ago
  Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)
  - bilbo0s 8y ago
    I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys? You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell. If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.
    - rainbowmverse 8y ago
      I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day, and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic suicides" because their family didn't accept them and give correct information in the obituary. There are more cisgender and heterosexual people willing to stand up against it, but that mainly helps when it comes to policy. It doesn't help much with the day to day for most. edit: I do appreciate you asking. Way too many people assume things are fine now because there's gay people on TV, or some other arbitrary metric. There's still a long way to go.
      - Broken_Hippo 8y ago
        I do think trans women and men definitely have the hardest time. Assault, murder, and freaking rape. And depending on the area, a male being raped might not be eligible for a rape charge if the police will even do anything about it.
      - steve_musk 8y ago
        I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.
baxtr 8y ago
I’d disagree, too. Like yourself, half of my life was with any internet or devices. It was still very awkward to just walk up to people and starting talking to them. I believe there are two things at play here: these things get measured nowadays, and, people get more picks who to be with. A lot of people are looking/waiting for the perfect partner and don’t want to put too much energy into keeping a relationship, that’s maybe where devices play a larger role than before.

rainbowmverse 8y ago

Familiar! Some of it, at least. Asking the "wrong" people out in middle school ('90s) sure was a fast track to being an outcast. Paradoxically, the rising positive presence of LGBTQ+ people in media in the '90s made things worse. People were on the lookout for us! I don't know if it was worse than the '80s where our presence in the media was almost universally negative. Later, I found Twitter, and met a friend (also bi) who had lived mere miles away all my life. We probably never would have met without the internet. Having backup when we hang out has actually made me more social because I'm not worried about being alone up against a crowd who decides it's time to make an example of someone.

Broken_Hippo 8y ago
Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)
- bilbo0s 8y ago
  I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys? You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell. If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.
  - rainbowmverse 8y ago
    I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same. And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day, and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic suicides" because their family didn't accept them and give correct information in the obituary. There are more cisgender and heterosexual people willing to stand up against it, but that mainly helps when it comes to policy. It doesn't help much with the day to day for most. edit: I do appreciate you asking. Way too many people assume things are fine now because there's gay people on TV, or some other arbitrary metric. There's still a long way to go.
    - Broken_Hippo 8y ago
      I do think trans women and men definitely have the hardest time. Assault, murder, and freaking rape. And depending on the area, a male being raped might not be eligible for a rape charge if the police will even do anything about it.
    - steve_musk 8y ago
      I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.

baxtr 8y ago

I’d disagree, too. Like yourself, half of my life was with any internet or devices. It was still very awkward to just walk up to people and starting talking to them. I believe there are two things at play here: these things get measured nowadays, and, people get more picks who to be with. A lot of people are looking/waiting for the perfect partner and don’t want to put too much energy into keeping a relationship, that’s maybe where devices play a larger role than before.