4 ms·

I think almost every lonely person considers this, but when you are lonely you might also be depressed and that makes it hard t go meet other ppl because of one

I think almost every lonely person considers this, but when you are lonely you might also be depressed and that makes it hard t go meet other ppl because of one or some combo of the following: 1. you feel like nobody would want to associate with your miserable ass 2. you are low on energy from feeling sad and 3. you actually are not interested in anything. Thats what I went through and probably would be going through right now if it weren't for weddings/ bps I 'had' to go to and moving back home. We don't spend enough time together anymore b/c of the retarded 9-5 system we have and it just being easier to sit around and binge on content

abledon 8y ago
Thing about meetup.com which messes up touches on your point. Even though you may feel down... you get those small 'silces' of energy... even if they are brief.... You need to hit that 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go out and socialize. Feeling pumped? Yeah ! lets do this! goes on meetup.com.... F* the next cool thing is Sept 2. 89 hours away..... 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go socialize fades away... A better solution would be a queueing system like a video game a-la league of legends.... Want to socialize NOW.?!?! Did you just read an awesome book by Brandon Sanderson, or want to talk about FIFA ? Browse the dream app / Meetup 3.0 to see queue up spots nearby (hopefully situated at starbucks , mcdonalds, libraries or any other form of public space (that is shrinking in cities)). I'd do it myself but the legalities of a startup just seem like a truck-ton of work here in Canada (harder to setup the equivalent of a LLC).
- swiley 8y ago
  Why do a start up? that sounds like it could be done in less than 30 lines of <insert favorite language> in CGI.
- mattmanser 8y ago
  You're overthinking this. Pick one, put it in your diary, and go to it. No excuses. In those 30 minutes of action, commit yourself to that future action. Make it easy, in those 30 minutes plan your outfit, how to get there, look up the venue on a map, plan how much cash you'll take or what cards or whatever. Whatever excuses you come up with usually, plan against them. The group will usually say how to find them in the bar or cafe or wherever, write it down. Worst that can happen is you hate it and somehow make a fool of yourself. In front of people you will never ever see again, so who cares. Reality is you'll be welcomed, and at least one person, if not many, will go out of their way to make sure you are included. And even if your worst fear happened and it's a mini drama, you'll still get a win from going. You still get to feel great about trying. And if it doesn't click or you don't like anyone, don't go to that one again. You can just never turn up again, without any consequence. You aren't obliged.
  - huehehue 8y ago
    This is good advice but ignores moderate to severe social anxiety, depression, and many things in between. You're totally right that the worst case here is that you lose a few hours and maybe meet people you don't click with, but there's something in the mind of a lot of people that paralyzes them, or rationalizes staying in. It's not so much 30 minutes of feeling motivated or energized, it's 30 minutes of something else entirely, that you can't really psych yourself back into in much the same way that you can't "snap out of" a depressed state.
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
  - wool_gather 8y ago
    This is 100% correct. The problem is that this mental state is just completely fucked in this regard: you know that this advice is good. You know it'll help. You know you'll feel better if you do it; you'll have fun, and it'll even be easier next time! But the little monster still talks you out of it at the last minute, with your hand on the doorknob to leave the house. It can be beaten, and like I said, your advice is absolutely correct. But -- in my experience, at least -- reasoning about the situation is only part of the solution. Seeing the path does not automatically mean you will follow the path.
    - eurticket 8y ago
      moral support buddies to go to the meeting could be an option, say you meet close to the meetup and then go in together

abledon 8y ago

Thing about meetup.com which messes up touches on your point. Even though you may feel down... you get those small 'silces' of energy... even if they are brief.... You need to hit that 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go out and socialize. Feeling pumped? Yeah ! lets do this! goes on meetup.com.... F* the next cool thing is Sept 2. 89 hours away..... 30 minute window of feeling pumped to go socialize fades away... A better solution would be a queueing system like a video game a-la league of legends.... Want to socialize NOW.?!?! Did you just read an awesome book by Brandon Sanderson, or want to talk about FIFA ? Browse the dream app / Meetup 3.0 to see queue up spots nearby (hopefully situated at starbucks , mcdonalds, libraries or any other form of public space (that is shrinking in cities)). I'd do it myself but the legalities of a startup just seem like a truck-ton of work here in Canada (harder to setup the equivalent of a LLC).

swiley 8y ago
Why do a start up? that sounds like it could be done in less than 30 lines of <insert favorite language> in CGI.
mattmanser 8y ago
You're overthinking this. Pick one, put it in your diary, and go to it. No excuses. In those 30 minutes of action, commit yourself to that future action. Make it easy, in those 30 minutes plan your outfit, how to get there, look up the venue on a map, plan how much cash you'll take or what cards or whatever. Whatever excuses you come up with usually, plan against them. The group will usually say how to find them in the bar or cafe or wherever, write it down. Worst that can happen is you hate it and somehow make a fool of yourself. In front of people you will never ever see again, so who cares. Reality is you'll be welcomed, and at least one person, if not many, will go out of their way to make sure you are included. And even if your worst fear happened and it's a mini drama, you'll still get a win from going. You still get to feel great about trying. And if it doesn't click or you don't like anyone, don't go to that one again. You can just never turn up again, without any consequence. You aren't obliged.
- huehehue 8y ago
  This is good advice but ignores moderate to severe social anxiety, depression, and many things in between. You're totally right that the worst case here is that you lose a few hours and maybe meet people you don't click with, but there's something in the mind of a lot of people that paralyzes them, or rationalizes staying in. It's not so much 30 minutes of feeling motivated or energized, it's 30 minutes of something else entirely, that you can't really psych yourself back into in much the same way that you can't "snap out of" a depressed state.
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
- wool_gather 8y ago
  This is 100% correct. The problem is that this mental state is just completely fucked in this regard: you know that this advice is good. You know it'll help. You know you'll feel better if you do it; you'll have fun, and it'll even be easier next time! But the little monster still talks you out of it at the last minute, with your hand on the doorknob to leave the house. It can be beaten, and like I said, your advice is absolutely correct. But -- in my experience, at least -- reasoning about the situation is only part of the solution. Seeing the path does not automatically mean you will follow the path.
  - eurticket 8y ago
    moral support buddies to go to the meeting could be an option, say you meet close to the meetup and then go in together