4 ms·

> But then, what about being in stores, malls, ect? I then need to put up defenses against aggressive marketing. There's aggressive marketing in the street too

> But then, what about being in stores, malls, ect? I then need to put up defenses against aggressive marketing. There's aggressive marketing in the street too. Most often when someone approaches me on the street, they're trying to get money out of me. Either they're panhandlers, or they're selling me something, or seeking donations of some sort - which are all really the same thing. The only exception is if they want to influence me in some way, i.e. they want my vote. So ultimately, strangers approaching us in public areas are looking to get something out of us. They're not looking for a reciprocal social relationship. They're looking to get something: money, votes, support for their cause. I do agree that it's a big part of the reason why Americans don't make social connections in public areas. I'm not sure about the solution though. The biggest problem in most places I lived was the panhandlers, and that's a big problem that causes a lot of issues in general, and doesn't seem to have a good solution.

wool_gather 8y ago
> So ultimately, strangers approaching us in public areas are looking to get something out of us This matches my experience as well (I suspect it might not in less urban areas, though). It's quite frustrating. I also resent the fact that the people who are accosting me like this usually have the expectation that I owe them my attention. I'm pretty good at brushing them off/ignoring them, and I've seen quite a few get genuinely offended that I'm evading their pitch. Which is offensive to me in turn: they're trying to take advantage of my natural inclination to be social/respond to another human, and they're mad because I didn't fall for it? It's a parasitic situation. Sadly, I also agree with you that there's not really any way to fix it. The well is just poisoned...
- dunpeal 8y ago
  > This matches my experience as well (I suspect it might not in less urban areas, though). Indeed, I lived in less urban areas, and people are more open to socialize there. As for the rest, I agree and encountered the same as well. What they are doing is parasitic, but they are naturally offended if you ignore them. For marketers especially, consider that every time someone ignores them, it means they failed at their job. It's a bad situation for them, and for us.
jjeaff 8y ago
I don't think agreddibe marketers or panhandlers has anything to do with not being social in public. No one just walks up to you to strike up a friendship. That would always be weird. When you socialize in public it would be while waiting in line together, or asking the person next to you at restaurant what they are having, or asking the person at the grocery store whether they think that product is better. If you walk directly up to someone and it isn't a natural connection, everyone will always assume your trying to sell them something or bother them in some way.
- dunpeal 8y ago
  > If you walk directly up to someone and it isn't a natural connection, everyone will always assume your trying to sell them something or bother them in some way. The point of my comment is why this is happening. The reason "everyone" (in the US) assume that is because that is typically the reason. Because the typical people who approach us in the street are panhandlers and marketers. It's like the early year of SPAM. When email just started, messages would usually receive attention, since they were usually from genuine people looking to connect. Then SPAM started, and many people started ignoring email completely, to the point it became effectively dysfunctional as a communication medium. It required an extensive, aggressive campaign to fight off SPAM, until email because a functional medium again. In the same way, if somehow panhandlers and marketers stopped approaching us, we would be more open to socialize in public spaces, because we wouldn't assume (quite appropriately, as of now) that any stranger who tries to talk to us is just looking to get something from us.
  - jjeaff 8y ago
    >any stranger who tries to talk to us But again, that isn't the case. If you talk to someone in line at the bakery, most will be very friendly. If you look at someone and make a b-line towards them while they are walking down the street, you will weird them out, no matter the country, culture, whatever.

wool_gather 8y ago

> So ultimately, strangers approaching us in public areas are looking to get something out of us This matches my experience as well (I suspect it might not in less urban areas, though). It's quite frustrating. I also resent the fact that the people who are accosting me like this usually have the expectation that I owe them my attention. I'm pretty good at brushing them off/ignoring them, and I've seen quite a few get genuinely offended that I'm evading their pitch. Which is offensive to me in turn: they're trying to take advantage of my natural inclination to be social/respond to another human, and they're mad because I didn't fall for it? It's a parasitic situation. Sadly, I also agree with you that there's not really any way to fix it. The well is just poisoned...

dunpeal 8y ago
> This matches my experience as well (I suspect it might not in less urban areas, though). Indeed, I lived in less urban areas, and people are more open to socialize there. As for the rest, I agree and encountered the same as well. What they are doing is parasitic, but they are naturally offended if you ignore them. For marketers especially, consider that every time someone ignores them, it means they failed at their job. It's a bad situation for them, and for us.

jjeaff 8y ago

I don't think agreddibe marketers or panhandlers has anything to do with not being social in public. No one just walks up to you to strike up a friendship. That would always be weird. When you socialize in public it would be while waiting in line together, or asking the person next to you at restaurant what they are having, or asking the person at the grocery store whether they think that product is better. If you walk directly up to someone and it isn't a natural connection, everyone will always assume your trying to sell them something or bother them in some way.

dunpeal 8y ago
> If you walk directly up to someone and it isn't a natural connection, everyone will always assume your trying to sell them something or bother them in some way. The point of my comment is why this is happening. The reason "everyone" (in the US) assume that is because that is typically the reason. Because the typical people who approach us in the street are panhandlers and marketers. It's like the early year of SPAM. When email just started, messages would usually receive attention, since they were usually from genuine people looking to connect. Then SPAM started, and many people started ignoring email completely, to the point it became effectively dysfunctional as a communication medium. It required an extensive, aggressive campaign to fight off SPAM, until email because a functional medium again. In the same way, if somehow panhandlers and marketers stopped approaching us, we would be more open to socialize in public spaces, because we wouldn't assume (quite appropriately, as of now) that any stranger who tries to talk to us is just looking to get something from us.
- jjeaff 8y ago
  >any stranger who tries to talk to us But again, that isn't the case. If you talk to someone in line at the bakery, most will be very friendly. If you look at someone and make a b-line towards them while they are walking down the street, you will weird them out, no matter the country, culture, whatever.