3 ms·

If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset?

• untog 8y ago
  But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a persistent rumour that neither myself nor my wife could clear up because no-one told us about it? I'm not saying it's not sad, but it's the actual reality we live in. Social lives are complex in ways we can't really control.
  • magduf 8y ago
    So what if there's a rumor? Why do you care what people say about you? If people talk badly about you like that, then maybe you shouldn't socialize with them. It sounds like you socialize with some petty, small-minded, nosy people if you're really that worried about this. I don't know about you, but I don't show random acquaintances all the apps on my phone. Also, if someone saw you with Bumble BFF in a public place, they'd see you swiping left and right on pictures of men. Are you worried people will think you're gay?
    • untog 8y ago
      Rumour and gossip happen everywhere, all the time. It's deluded to think otherwise. And friendship groups aren't a series of 1:1 connections, I don't choose who my friend's friends are, nor do I choose my coworkers (who could absolutely make a personal judgement about me based on what they see). This is how socialization works. Anyone is welcome to opt out, but it's not a particularly smart way to try and make friends. It's kind of funny that in a thread that's ostensibly about making new friends your advice has turned to how to choose which friends to discard.
  • p49k 8y ago
    Do you think that’s how the world should work? If not, why are you so willing to acquiesce to that model? These kinds of things are such non-issues in other cultures, and if we actually stand up for our values and live our lives by them, maybe we can rid American culture of some of its ridiculousness.
    • untog 8y ago
      So you're interested in making some new friends? Fantastic! The first thing you need to do is remake American culture
      • p49k 8y ago
        False dichotomy. You can most certainly choose to live life by your own values and make friends. A lot of people respect that trait in a person enough to put aside gossip.
• bunderbunder 8y ago
  It doesn't even have to be because it would actually cause conflict. Even the mildest bit of embarrassment - an opportunity for a little joking at one's expense, for example - can be a pretty powerful deterrent. That said, I think for most of us the potential deterrent is much greater than that. My partner would absolutely mock me a little bit (because mocking each other is how we show love), and then probably sign up as well. My co-workers, on the other hand, would start gossiping. Having that icon seen on my home screen could be a career-limiting move. Not saying that a dating app shouldn't include such a feature, but the association is going to be a huge headwind toward it becoming a pervasive platform for finding non-romantic friendships.
  • magduf 8y ago
    > My co-workers, on the other hand, would start gossiping. Having that icon seen on my home screen could be a career-limiting move. Again, I have to ask: why are you showing all the apps on your phone to your co-workers? I don't show my phone to my co-workers, and I certainly don't let them look through all the apps on it. And you don't have to put Bumble on your home screen.