6 ms·

Try Bumble's BFF feature

by gf263 8y ago

untog 8y ago
IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.
- Skrillex 8y ago
  I am of the opinion that the choice between an app that signals "I want/need friends" and "I am interested in hookups" would not be an easy one, even if one's usage is innocent.
- toomuchtodo 8y ago
  Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.
  - untog 8y ago
    There's a certain irony that you're suggesting I disregard the opinions of strangers in order to go out and make friends with some strangers. Until the OP mentioned it, I had no idea that Bumble had a friend finding feature. It's a dating app, its advertising shows dating as its function. So I can't say I'd blame anyone that did judge me unreasonably, to be honest. It's not necessarily that fair, but we don't get to make our own rules of social interaction.
    - toomuchtodo 8y ago
      The irony is not lost on me. Every stranger is a possible friend. Disregard the ones who prejudge you unnecessarily. Life is too short to give too many f*ucks when you’re purposely optimizing for happiness while minimizing suffering you cause. Be happy, life is fleeting.
  - leetcrew 8y ago
    unfortunately what others think about you can materially affect your life.
  - DoofusOfDeath 8y ago
    I think the GP's approach actually makes a lot of sense. Affairs do happen. There's love in not giving your spouse unnecessary reason for worry. And there's wisdom in not tooling up your phone in a way that makes moments of weakness more likely to result in an affair.
- magduf 8y ago
  If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset? What does being married matter? If your wife wouldn't approve, then that speaks volumes about the quality of your relationship (i.e., you have no trust between you).
  - untog 8y ago
    But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a persistent rumour that neither myself nor my wife could clear up because no-one told us about it? I'm not saying it's not sad, but it's the actual reality we live in. Social lives are complex in ways we can't really control.
    - magduf 8y ago
      So what if there's a rumor? Why do you care what people say about you? If people talk badly about you like that, then maybe you shouldn't socialize with them. It sounds like you socialize with some petty, small-minded, nosy people if you're really that worried about this. I don't know about you, but I don't show random acquaintances all the apps on my phone. Also, if someone saw you with Bumble BFF in a public place, they'd see you swiping left and right on pictures of men. Are you worried people will think you're gay?
      - untog 8y ago
        Rumour and gossip happen everywhere, all the time. It's deluded to think otherwise. And friendship groups aren't a series of 1:1 connections, I don't choose who my friend's friends are, nor do I choose my coworkers (who could absolutely make a personal judgement about me based on what they see). This is how socialization works. Anyone is welcome to opt out, but it's not a particularly smart way to try and make friends. It's kind of funny that in a thread that's ostensibly about making new friends your advice has turned to how to choose which friends to discard.
- saudioger 8y ago
  Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.
  - untog 8y ago
    Surely all of those things indicate a recognition that I'm doing something I should be ashamed of and be hiding? I'd say it indicates a market for someone to make an entirely separate app (or for Bumble to do so).
    - saudioger 8y ago
      Eh who knows, personally I don't find any shame it... just trying to be helpful if someone feels like they need to avoid it.
mLuby 8y ago
Anecdotal evidence suggests not all Bumble BFF seekers actually have platonic intentions, kind of defeating the point of the feature.
- davnicwil 8y ago
  I mean, some percentage of people using any service which matches people up for social activities will not have platonic intentions, whether knowingly or not. I think the point of the feature is to minimise the chances of this being the case, right?
  - psyklic 8y ago
    Nearly every dating site allows you to officially put you're looking for friends. It's the whole idea that people want to ideally marry their best friend, or that people want to be friends first before dating. In my experience, nearly everyone hopes that a meeting from a dating site will be more than platonic, even if you go out of your way to set platonic expectations. After all, it's much easier to become friends if you're attracted to each other!
- bena 8y ago
  The "plausible deniability" feature.

Try Bumble's BFF feature

by gf263 8y ago

Try Bumble's BFF feature

IMO it would ideally be separate from any dating app. Not just because of profile overlap, but also because as a married man I really don't want Bumble to be on the home screen of my phone. No matter how innocent my use of it, I wouldn't want anyone to see it on my phone and get a bad impression of me as a result.

Skrillex 8y ago
I am of the opinion that the choice between an app that signals "I want/need friends" and "I am interested in hookups" would not be an easy one, even if one's usage is innocent.
toomuchtodo 8y ago
Consider that you’re depriving yourself of possible friendships because of other people’s unreasonable judgements about you without having any context. As long as your partner is aware and okay with it, ignore what others think.
- untog 8y ago
  There's a certain irony that you're suggesting I disregard the opinions of strangers in order to go out and make friends with some strangers. Until the OP mentioned it, I had no idea that Bumble had a friend finding feature. It's a dating app, its advertising shows dating as its function. So I can't say I'd blame anyone that did judge me unreasonably, to be honest. It's not necessarily that fair, but we don't get to make our own rules of social interaction.
  - toomuchtodo 8y ago
    The irony is not lost on me. Every stranger is a possible friend. Disregard the ones who prejudge you unnecessarily. Life is too short to give too many f*ucks when you’re purposely optimizing for happiness while minimizing suffering you cause. Be happy, life is fleeting.
- leetcrew 8y ago
  unfortunately what others think about you can materially affect your life.
- DoofusOfDeath 8y ago
  I think the GP's approach actually makes a lot of sense. Affairs do happen. There's love in not giving your spouse unnecessary reason for worry. And there's wisdom in not tooling up your phone in a way that makes moments of weakness more likely to result in an affair.
magduf 8y ago
If you're avoiding a friend-finding app just because of what other people think, that's really sad. Do you go about everything in your life with that mindset? What does being married matter? If your wife wouldn't approve, then that speaks volumes about the quality of your relationship (i.e., you have no trust between you).
- untog 8y ago
  But it isn't a friend-finding app. It's a dating app that happens to have a friend-finding feature (that until now I had no idea existed). People's perceptions follow on from that. My wife would have no problem with it. But what if one of her friends saw me on the bus with Bumble open on my phone? If she spoke to my wife she'd be able to clear up the confusion. But what if she didn't? What if there ended up being a persistent rumour that neither myself nor my wife could clear up because no-one told us about it? I'm not saying it's not sad, but it's the actual reality we live in. Social lives are complex in ways we can't really control.
  - magduf 8y ago
    So what if there's a rumor? Why do you care what people say about you? If people talk badly about you like that, then maybe you shouldn't socialize with them. It sounds like you socialize with some petty, small-minded, nosy people if you're really that worried about this. I don't know about you, but I don't show random acquaintances all the apps on my phone. Also, if someone saw you with Bumble BFF in a public place, they'd see you swiping left and right on pictures of men. Are you worried people will think you're gay?
    - untog 8y ago
      Rumour and gossip happen everywhere, all the time. It's deluded to think otherwise. And friendship groups aren't a series of 1:1 connections, I don't choose who my friend's friends are, nor do I choose my coworkers (who could absolutely make a personal judgement about me based on what they see). This is how socialization works. Anyone is welcome to opt out, but it's not a particularly smart way to try and make friends. It's kind of funny that in a thread that's ostensibly about making new friends your advice has turned to how to choose which friends to discard.
saudioger 8y ago
Bury it in a folder, talk to your spouse about what you're doing with it ahead of time. Don't use it around other people if you're worried about someone you know being a dick about it.
- untog 8y ago
  Surely all of those things indicate a recognition that I'm doing something I should be ashamed of and be hiding? I'd say it indicates a market for someone to make an entirely separate app (or for Bumble to do so).
  - saudioger 8y ago
    Eh who knows, personally I don't find any shame it... just trying to be helpful if someone feels like they need to avoid it.

mLuby 8y ago

Anecdotal evidence suggests not all Bumble BFF seekers actually have platonic intentions, kind of defeating the point of the feature.

davnicwil 8y ago
I mean, some percentage of people using any service which matches people up for social activities will not have platonic intentions, whether knowingly or not. I think the point of the feature is to minimise the chances of this being the case, right?
- psyklic 8y ago
  Nearly every dating site allows you to officially put you're looking for friends. It's the whole idea that people want to ideally marry their best friend, or that people want to be friends first before dating. In my experience, nearly everyone hopes that a meeting from a dating site will be more than platonic, even if you go out of your way to set platonic expectations. After all, it's much easier to become friends if you're attracted to each other!
bena 8y ago
The "plausible deniability" feature.