4 ms·

It's amazing - and sad - how powerful the ego (for want of a better term) can be. A colleague complained about a nasty rash from using a particular cleaning flu

It's amazing - and sad - how powerful the ego (for want of a better term) can be. A colleague complained about a nasty rash from using a particular cleaning fluid during DIY and when I suggested, in a very gentle way, a far gentler yet comparably effective alternative he seemed annoyed by the suggestion of something that would help him. Some people will just throw things back in your face even when your advice is well intentioned, freely given, and beneficial to them in an immediately apparent way.

phkahler 8y ago
Context is important. Your colleague got a nasty rash from what they did. You offering an alternative could be received as criticism or even blaming them for the rash. The time for offering corrections is probably not while they are suffering the consequences of their action. You are right of course - people can be tricky in such situations.
- asdfman123 8y ago
  It's also possible that the person you're replying to is completely tone deaf to the signals they've been sending out and people are lashing out of them due to an ongoing pattern of behavior. Usually when someone says "I've been completely normal -- I don't understand why people are so sensitive!" it's a red flag that that sort of thing has been going on.
- growlist 8y ago
  I see your point, but he had not finished the job and so my advice was potentially of real benefit! My workplace is a bit cliquey and no doubt if I were in the circle of trust things would be different. I guess the one positive is that next time I know to let him suffer in ignorance :|
jacobolus 8y ago
Often (usually?) when someone is coming to complain to you, they are looking for your listening/sympathy/validation/support, not your advice. If they wanted your advice they would typically ask for it explicitly. Unsolicited advice can come across as very unsympathetic and patronizing, and can really piss someone off if they were already in a bad mood (which is pretty common for people complaining about stuff). A more appropriate response is something like “Wow, that sounds pretty uncomfortable.” Then you let them talk for a while. Listen sympathetically and let them say everything they wanted to say before trying to interrupt, and make sure they are receptive before offering unsolicited advice. Usually if you listen to their venting for a while they will feel better than when they started. [Apologies for offering unsolicited critical advice in response to your complaints about your colleague. :) ]
ScottBurson 8y ago
How sure are you that he was annoyed by the suggestion? Maybe he was just annoyed that no one had told him about it sooner.

phkahler 8y ago

Context is important. Your colleague got a nasty rash from what they did. You offering an alternative could be received as criticism or even blaming them for the rash. The time for offering corrections is probably not while they are suffering the consequences of their action. You are right of course - people can be tricky in such situations.

asdfman123 8y ago
It's also possible that the person you're replying to is completely tone deaf to the signals they've been sending out and people are lashing out of them due to an ongoing pattern of behavior. Usually when someone says "I've been completely normal -- I don't understand why people are so sensitive!" it's a red flag that that sort of thing has been going on.
growlist 8y ago
I see your point, but he had not finished the job and so my advice was potentially of real benefit! My workplace is a bit cliquey and no doubt if I were in the circle of trust things would be different. I guess the one positive is that next time I know to let him suffer in ignorance :|

jacobolus 8y ago

Often (usually?) when someone is coming to complain to you, they are looking for your listening/sympathy/validation/support, not your advice. If they wanted your advice they would typically ask for it explicitly. Unsolicited advice can come across as very unsympathetic and patronizing, and can really piss someone off if they were already in a bad mood (which is pretty common for people complaining about stuff). A more appropriate response is something like “Wow, that sounds pretty uncomfortable.” Then you let them talk for a while. Listen sympathetically and let them say everything they wanted to say before trying to interrupt, and make sure they are receptive before offering unsolicited advice. Usually if you listen to their venting for a while they will feel better than when they started. [Apologies for offering unsolicited critical advice in response to your complaints about your colleague. :) ]

ScottBurson 8y ago

How sure are you that he was annoyed by the suggestion? Maybe he was just annoyed that no one had told him about it sooner.