4 ms·
I disagree strongly with the sentiment that bullies just need love, that they're only doing it because they are hurting too. People are diverse, so I won't den
by Dove 16y ago
I disagree strongly with the sentiment that bullies just need love, that they're only doing it because they are hurting too. People are diverse, so I won't deny that perhaps that's sometimes true. But I think it would be more accurate to say that bullies do it because it's fun and above all because they can.
In short, bullies need to face punishments with teeth. And the bullied need to have access to a justice system they can trust to actually work. Something like this: http://www.sudval.org/05_onepersononevote.html http://www.sudval.org/05_onepersononevote.html (scroll down about halfway to "When you were young", A True Story).
Look, our justice system as adults distinguishes between aggression and self defense. But for some reason, we treat conflict between kids as if it's everybody's fault, and everything's okay once it stops. That's unjust, and is the root cause: adults that treat order and convenience as more important than justice.
When I was a kid, I remember complaining that my (three years younger) sister hit me. The first thing my mom asked? "What did you do to make her do that?" Well, of course I answered, "Nothing," but it plainly wasn't true. Who picks a fight with someone twice their size? And over the course of the discussion it came out that I had taken her toy and teased her, and you know what? My sister got a free pass. I got in trouble.
How about that old fashioned rule, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all?" How about, if I catch you insulting or belittling someone, you have to be their servant for half an hour -- get their water, sharpen their pencils, that sort of thing?
How about a justice system that treats allegations of teasing and insulting as serious matters, and investigates to get to the bottom of things? How about a system that is concerned about kids' antisocial behavior, not because it is currently bothering the adults, but because of the effects it has on both victim and aggressor?
How about a system that punished physical violence harshly if it was aggressive, and leniently or not at all if it's defensive? How about a system that says, "If you hit back with the aim of making the other kid stop, and you stop as soon as he does, we'll hold you blameless?" You know, the same deal adults get. (By popular judgement, anyway, if not always in court.)
How about a system that responded to kids' experiments in evil with love and affection and attention, encouraging them to delve deeper and teaching them that behaving cruelly toward others is a great way to get all the stuff they want?
Never mind on that last one.
- lwhi 16y agoComplex problems don't have simple solutions. Unfortunately a lot of the time, a child who's victimising another child will be projecting emotions that they're feeling, due to abuse / difficulties they're experiencing themselves. To think that the problem can be hugged out is crazy - it's not going to happen. I think the first most useful thing to do is to teach the child to fight back. Often a change of attitude - being able to have the confidence to say 'no' and to stand up against adversity, is enough to change the tack the abuser's behaviour. Violence isn't necessary - and I don't think it should ever be encouraged .. but taking a stand is an entirely valid response. But secondly the root causes of the abuser's behaviour do need to be looked at - and a simple response isn't going to solve these problems. It would be nice if the simple idea of 'punishment' could resolve the behaviour - because it would require minimal effort - but realistically it wont. Reforming bad behaviour involves understanding what the person involved needs - sometimes that will be love and understanding. All children have complex emotional and psychological needs; if these needs are neglected, something has to give .. and usually does.
- gcheong 16y agoI think it may be more accurate to say that complex problems don't have "simplistic" solutions as sometimes there can be relatively simple solutions and I would not rule out the possibility for a problem like bullying. For example, depression is a problem with a complex origin but cognitive therapy is a relatively brief and simple solution that has been shown to be effective in many cases. Simplistic solutions, e.g. "think positive", however, do not work.
- Entlin 16y agoThat's the best post in this entire thread. People don't get bullied in adulthood because there is a working police and judicial entity. People get bullied as kids because there isn't one. Currently kids grow up for 18 years in a everyone-for-himself, in-order-to-be-successfull-you-need-physical-strength-and-iron-will world, and just then they switch to the much better and fairer world where being sucessful is not dependant on being able to defend your own flesh. That adult system of self-fulfillment while not having to mind fighting bad guys all the time is the basis of our scientific and economic progress of the past 200 years. The big question: why do we put our kids into a different, unnecessery, dangerous and toxic environment for their first 18 years?