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Ask HN: How did you come to grips with your own mediocrity?

• Pamar 8y ago
  Do you have any hobby which you find rewarding in itself? (Note that I am not saying "find something outside your job where you can excel" - I mean "try to find something you like doing for the pleasure of it an see if it helps you finding some satisfaction in doing it, without any competitive aspect".
  • sadamznintern 8y ago
    I honestly don’t - I used to spend time playing online games with friends but I’ve mostly stopped recently. It turns out I’m bad at them too. I tried learning to play an instrument but gave up. I might pick it up again but I haven’t found the time. The sad thing is I feel like I need an interesting hobby or interests like the folks that went to top schools and work at top companies but I can’t think of anything or do anything well.
    • Pamar 8y ago
      "Do well" is always a function of two things: natural talent and time devoted to a specific activity. This is why I suggested looking for stuff you enjoy doing no matter how good you are at it (at least at first). If you pick up dancing (just as an example) but feel frustrated because everyone else is a better dancer than you then you will drop out quickly, because it just reinforces your idea of "not being very good at it". My suggestion is to try a few different things - stressing the non-competitive aspect - and see if there is something you enjoy. Possible suggestions: Photography: you can start by just taking a walk with your smartphone, no need to invest any money in fancy equipment, plenty of online courses and advice for the basics, too). Drawing: again, either self-taught, or try finding a course (drawing is nice because when you get the basics down you can practice a lot on your own, wherever you are and have a bit of time...). Painting: same as drawing, with the drawbacks that you need more than one pencil/pen, and therefore you will probably not be able to just get away with quick doodles during lunch hour, or at the park or whatever. Will also be more expensive and take space at your home. On the other hand you can nowadays do a lot with a tablet and a high-quality stylus. Martial arts: try something non-competitive, like Aikido. More in general, there are a lot of choices in what this book describes as "self-cultivating arts": https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Arts-Self-Cultivation-Robert-Carter/dp/079147254X https://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Arts-Self-Cultivation-Robert... So: try something that does not cost a fortune at the start, because you cannot know in advance if you like it or not (if you love it, you will be able to find a lot of opportunities to spend money on it later ;). Try avoiding any idea of competition with others: it does not matter if you go to a drawing course and the other students are "better" at it than you. The important thing to focus on is that at the end of each lesson you will be better than you were before the lesson.
    • dynamicdox 8y ago
      If there is a gym close to you, I recommend rock climbing if you are looking for something both mentally and physically stimulating. It’s like solving a puzzle (figuring out how to do the climb) and then executing by having the strength and technique to do it. It’s an absolute blast. Been doing it for a couple years and it brings me a lot of happiness. Plus the community is so open and welcoming! Slowly all my friends have become people I’ve met from those communities.
• bufferoverflow 8y ago
  There's always someone better/smarter/faster/more successful than any given person. Just stop caring. Concentrate on one or two areas, become really really good at them, and start doubling your prices till you hit the ceiling.
  • sadamznintern 8y ago
    >There's always someone better/smarter/faster/more successful than any given person The problem for me is this is literally everyone that matters >Concentrate on one or two areas, become really really good at them This is difficult as someone working on front-end for internal tools that 5 people will use
• kerbalspacepro 8y ago
  Mediocrity is a choice, brother. You need to do some root cause analysis to fix it.
  • sadamznintern 8y ago
    I've thought about this a bunch. I think the reasons are: * Mediocre IQ. * Lack of grit and persistence that I can't develop * Natural lack of charisma A combination of all of these make me very unhappy and very poor.
    • tptacek 8y ago
      I want to be careful about doing Internet psych diagnosis, but you sound (from your previous comments) like you may be somewhere on the spectrum of depression/anxiety. Have you thought about talking to a professional? I have no idea what my IQ is. I definitely know what my present limitations are, and I think about them a lot (I'm a little obsessed by the limits on my willpower that keep me from e.g. spending 8 consecutive hours studying abstract algebra, or learning Haskell). But I'm not alarmed by them. I am naturally "good at" some things (I'm coming to believe that "good at" is almost a synonym for "enjoys/gets a charge from") and other things are uphill climbs for me. I try to arrange my work so that my uphill climbs are always for a reason. I think this is a healthier attitude than trying to gauge some very-probably-fictitious intrinsic "IQ" attribute to find my place in the world. If you can write in complete sentences and in a conversational tone, you're doing fine on charisma. Having organized and been involved in HN meetups in the past: you are almost certainly not anomalously inept in social situations. We are not the funnest cocktail party in the world. I came across this post because I have a saved search for "IQ" (historically, "IQ" has been a reliably marker for seriously gross threads) and not because I clicked through on an "Ask HN" about "coming to grips with your own mediocrity". I'd gingerly suggest that the whole notion of "coming to grips with mediocrity" is a bit toxic and crazymaking.
      • pvg 8y ago
        because I have a saved search for "IQ" (historically, "IQ" has been a reliably marker for seriously gross threads) Wait, what? How many of those do you have? That seems like way more work than abstract algebra.
• evervevdww221 8y ago
  I cut off my social networks (Facebook ...) because of this. Am I a coward? I'm still trying to improve my situation, but I too have insomnia because of stress and anxiety, I can't focus because of them.
  • eykanspelgud 8y ago
    Cutting off social media led to much improvement in my situation. It's a time sink - unless you're using it for marketing purposes. The time I use to peruse Facebook, IG, Twitter, is used for more useful things.
  • here-for-karma 8y ago
    I also renounced Facebook, Twitter, etc. (for reasons different than yours, though) and I don't regret it one bit. Now I spend my time learning new things instead of scrolling for hours through a repetitive feed of clickbait and people just looking for attention
• OrwellianChild 8y ago
  Taking your "Sad Amazon Intern" handle at face value, do NOT use the experience of peers at Amazon as a benchmark for success in life, career, or anything else. It is a very intense place with a very particular definition of "success". Shop around for other companies to work for, big and small. You may just find that you can make a larger impact, get more visibility, and feel more rewarded working for someone else.
  • deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
• tjpp 8y ago
  It sounds like you're going through a tough time right now and being overly critical of yourself. Therapy is not a bad idea, but you might also consider looking into some of the research on self-compassion. I believe all of the resources at http://self-compassion.org/ http://self-compassion.org/ are free. Personally I spent a lot of time learning this by myself and it made a _huge_ difference in my life.
• jackgolding 8y ago
  You don't need any of this to be successful, what I've found in my early-mid twenties is in nearly all situations showing up and showing initiative puts you in the top 5%.
  • rasmus1610 8y ago
    +1 I‘m always amazed how many people don’t do the basics right and how much you can win by just showing up and showing initiative and basic thinking
• amorphous 8y ago
  Remember that most people are average, they have to as per definition.
• tmaly 8y ago
  Just start writing, teaching, making stuff. You would be surprised how few people do this out of the general population.
• AnimalMuppet 8y ago
  A bunch of thoughts: Reading through your comments here, I see that you're 22 and an intern at Amazon. Well, at 22 I still didn't have a job, not even as an intern. You're comparing yourself to people who have full-time jobs and feeling like you're not making much money. At 22, I was making $0. You're probably looking at people around you and thinking that they know more than you. That's how it goes as an intern. You're not supposed to know more than them. You're supposed to be learning faster than them. (The rate at which they are learning new things is probably not that high.) You're looking at other peoples' pay, and feeling inadequate. But that's because you're looking only at the people above you. And you'll never make yourself happy by focusing on what you don't have. Most (all?) of us are mediocre at most things. But all it takes is finding one thing that you're not mediocre at. That may not be programming (at 22, it's far too early to tell). If it's not programming, it's not. Go find what it is. (But be sure it's not programming before you go looking for something else.) dynamicdox recommended rock climbing. I might suggest ultimate frisbee. The read-and-react style of play is a nice change of pace from the normal style of programming. konradb said that you're mistaking your own voice for reality. That may well be true. If so, you need to talk to yourself more and listen to yourself less (if that makes sense).
  • sadamznintern 8y ago
    I actually just started full time 2 weeks ago. I interned there last summer.
• ak39 8y ago
  They were lucky. You were not. That's it. How can you blame yourself for that? It's most likely NOT about whether you were mediocre talent wise or about dedication and work ethic. Many people do not appreciate the role of blind and dumb luck behind success. I kid you not. It ain't all a meritocracy out there. Take it easy with the sleep disruption. I can vouch for the vicious cycle of nasty shyte insomnia can create. If you have a gym subscription, get some HIIT exercises like a prowler sled push and start lifting weights. Keep away from alcohol and any coping drugs you may be taking. Look after yourself! Time to reboot. :-)
  • sadamznintern 8y ago
    I don't drink or anything outside of prescribed SSRIs. Honestly though, I think luck is a big factor but I think its impossible to be this unlucky this many times. At some point it's gotta be something inherent. I've never heard of the prowler sled push. I'm going to need to try that. I also need to start lifting once my apartment reopens the gym.
• technobabble 8y ago
  First, realize you're comparing yourself to other people. I do it too, most people do it at some point. You are not alone. Sht like this takes time. No one is immune to feelings of inadequacy, just look at the recent suicides of Kate Spade and other people we deem successful. 1. Comparing yourself to other people is a losers game. You will always* find someone else who is smarter/wealthier/beautiful than you, and on the other end you will always find someone who is worse off than you. You are enough. 2. Practice compassion. I keep a "good things" jar on my desk. When something good happens, I write it on a post-it note and put it in the jar. 3. Track what matters in your life. What matters to me, and what probably matters to you, is maintaing health and learning a little each day. Break out a spreadsheet and learn how to be observant to your body. I recommend https://www.trackinghappiness.com/ https://www.trackinghappiness.com/ as a start (I am not affiliated with the site). 4. As previous commenters mentioned, like-it-or-not luck plays a large play in life. However, that doesn't mean you can prepare yourself for when luck or opportunities arise. Based on your handle, you got an internship at Amazon. That didn't happen out of the blue. You had to network, practice coding, and build your skills to get it. This is a hard thing. Don't be like me and beat yourself up over it because a complete 180 hasn't happened this week. Giving yourself time, combined with discipline, can lead you to the next step. I don't know what that next step is, but go find it.