I hope you mean, "thought of just being dead" not literally, postpartum/post-being-a-parent depression is real and needs to be addressed, please talk to someone

I hope you mean, "thought of just being dead" not literally, postpartum/post-being-a-parent depression is real and needs to be addressed, please talk to someone if you are feeling "blue" . I have a 2 year 3 month old - she is the joy of my life and makes me want to live, do well, be a better person for her. Over the last couple of weeks she has started waiting for me to come back from work by waiting near the window. When I leave for work, she gives me a hug and then runs over to window to wave goodbye. I can say this with utmost certainty that no one has give me such an unconditional love like she does. I love her more than life itself, would not hesitate to go to extreme measures with a happy smile on my face. However every now and then I think of times before her and sometimes wish we (my wife and I) can be spontaneous - take a weekend trip to portland with zero preparations, or careless - sleep in until 10am and watch the office reruns, supercut of all godfather movies. You find more relaxing things to do though. Here is a parenting trick: Last year on our trip to Hawai'i, we had a room near pool, once our daughter was down for a nap, we'd walk out of the room (with do-not-disturb sign on door knob), with a baby monitor pointed directly at her crib, walk 20 feet to the pool bar, order drinks and hangout and watch her sleep on the monitor. I turned it into a game, order every beer that bar offered (not quantity, variety). That was the best vacation so far.