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On top of that, I too have noticed that parents often talk down to people that haven't experienced parenthood. Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult

by vecinu 8y ago

On top of that, I too have noticed that parents often talk down to people that haven't experienced parenthood. Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult and gives you enlightenment that can be found in no other way.

blzaugg 8y ago
But taking care of children IS very difficult. And, yes, being a parent is the only way to be enlightened in that way. Nothing else will give you the same experience.
- apple4ever 8y ago
  Absolutely agree. Now I don’t talk down to non-parents, because they made that choice or had the choice made for them (temporarily or permanently). It’s crazy stressful but at the same time so joyous.
bdamm 8y ago
> Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult and gives you enlightenment that can be found in no other way. You got it! Now, the "talking down to" is annoying. But if it's about non-parents telling parents about how easy life should be, and parents replying along the lines of "fool, no." it's absolutely warranted.
w0m 8y ago
Honestly in this case; it's somewhat true. Picture a world where you have ~no control of your daily life. You wake up when you hear the screaming in the monitor. You completely structure every non-work hour around 3 hour blocks of potted plants eat/sleep/shit/nap cycles with periods of incredible stress (and uh.. joy) sprinkled liberally through (Holy crap, was that red in the horrible poop running down my leg? Oh we gave him radish, whew.) I'm being a little facetious here, but i'm just saying that everyones life situation is different. As a relatively new parent, In that situation, I can see it being incredibly hard to simply 'relax' at home. More than anything you'll finally have time to notice the liquified pees that has hardened on the ceiling than actually relax. When i was in my 20s every vacation was 2 weeks of Hostels and hikes, but we are all in different life situations and that doens't make one persons opinion of a 'vacation' more correct than anothers.
- projektir 8y ago
  PTSD, depression, poverty, lousy roomates, crappy job, etc., all can generate experiences that are not so dissimilar to what you describe. Including, some of these conditions can cause suicide, which might imply they're much worse than parenting, which, ultimately, is perceived as a positive. Why is parenting, something that gets lots of external support and understanding, the special one here, and not any of these other things? Depressed people don't get a "my life is so hard" horse to sit on continually, often quite the opposite, they have to work hard to hide it. There's no evidence that parents are special people, none whatsoever, they are best described as people in a tough situation, but there are quite a few different ways to be in a tough situation, and tough situations do not always make people better.
  - nojvek 8y ago
    Fair point. Like all situations it’s just another kind of a challenging situation. I’m a first time dad to 3 week old. Our day needs to be structured as little 3 hour days. Sleep deprivation is very real. We get by, by appreciating “other people must have had it worse and their kids did just fine. look at the single moms, or people in poverty, or parents of colic kids. We will do just fine! Nothing special”
  - koonsolo 8y ago
    > PTSD, depression, poverty, lousy roomates, crappy job, etc., all can generate experiences that are not so dissimilar to what you describe. Imagine this, and on the top of it being a parent of 3 young children. Unless parents are immune to these conditions.
    - projektir 8y ago
      Any of these problems can be permuted. But only one of these problems (parenthood) has a special social status.
- ekovarski 8y ago
  I would imagine that it is still easier to relax at home than in a foreign place with little kids. If your kids are older and they can more or less roam on their own, yes, it's easier to go on vacation but with little ones now you have to worry that they don't run off, don't get to close to the water, don't run into the bushes after a lizard, or try to swim into deeper waters etc. At home you can at least relax about the environment since you know its safer for them and they are more familiar with it.
ekovarski 8y ago
Becoming a parent is easy, it's the other part of looking after the kids that is more troublesome and difficult but, agreed, some parents do seem to talk down people who haven't experienced or chose not to experience it. At the end of the day, having kids is a choice (hopefully), and one shouldn't pull the parent card to convey a point... and do kids offer you enlightenment? Sure but so does a good book.

by vecinu 8y ago

blzaugg 8y ago

But taking care of children IS very difficult. And, yes, being a parent is the only way to be enlightened in that way. Nothing else will give you the same experience.

apple4ever 8y ago
Absolutely agree. Now I don’t talk down to non-parents, because they made that choice or had the choice made for them (temporarily or permanently). It’s crazy stressful but at the same time so joyous.

bdamm 8y ago

> Almost as if becoming a parent is very difficult and gives you enlightenment that can be found in no other way. You got it! Now, the "talking down to" is annoying. But if it's about non-parents telling parents about how easy life should be, and parents replying along the lines of "fool, no." it's absolutely warranted.

w0m 8y ago

Honestly in this case; it's somewhat true. Picture a world where you have ~no control of your daily life. You wake up when you hear the screaming in the monitor. You completely structure every non-work hour around 3 hour blocks of potted plants eat/sleep/shit/nap cycles with periods of incredible stress (and uh.. joy) sprinkled liberally through (Holy crap, was that red in the horrible poop running down my leg? Oh we gave him radish, whew.) I'm being a little facetious here, but i'm just saying that everyones life situation is different. As a relatively new parent, In that situation, I can see it being incredibly hard to simply 'relax' at home. More than anything you'll finally have time to notice the liquified pees that has hardened on the ceiling than actually relax. When i was in my 20s every vacation was 2 weeks of Hostels and hikes, but we are all in different life situations and that doens't make one persons opinion of a 'vacation' more correct than anothers.

projektir 8y ago
PTSD, depression, poverty, lousy roomates, crappy job, etc., all can generate experiences that are not so dissimilar to what you describe. Including, some of these conditions can cause suicide, which might imply they're much worse than parenting, which, ultimately, is perceived as a positive. Why is parenting, something that gets lots of external support and understanding, the special one here, and not any of these other things? Depressed people don't get a "my life is so hard" horse to sit on continually, often quite the opposite, they have to work hard to hide it. There's no evidence that parents are special people, none whatsoever, they are best described as people in a tough situation, but there are quite a few different ways to be in a tough situation, and tough situations do not always make people better.
- nojvek 8y ago
  Fair point. Like all situations it’s just another kind of a challenging situation. I’m a first time dad to 3 week old. Our day needs to be structured as little 3 hour days. Sleep deprivation is very real. We get by, by appreciating “other people must have had it worse and their kids did just fine. look at the single moms, or people in poverty, or parents of colic kids. We will do just fine! Nothing special”
- koonsolo 8y ago
  > PTSD, depression, poverty, lousy roomates, crappy job, etc., all can generate experiences that are not so dissimilar to what you describe. Imagine this, and on the top of it being a parent of 3 young children. Unless parents are immune to these conditions.
  - projektir 8y ago
    Any of these problems can be permuted. But only one of these problems (parenthood) has a special social status.
ekovarski 8y ago
I would imagine that it is still easier to relax at home than in a foreign place with little kids. If your kids are older and they can more or less roam on their own, yes, it's easier to go on vacation but with little ones now you have to worry that they don't run off, don't get to close to the water, don't run into the bushes after a lizard, or try to swim into deeper waters etc. At home you can at least relax about the environment since you know its safer for them and they are more familiar with it.

ekovarski 8y ago

Becoming a parent is easy, it's the other part of looking after the kids that is more troublesome and difficult but, agreed, some parents do seem to talk down people who haven't experienced or chose not to experience it. At the end of the day, having kids is a choice (hopefully), and one shouldn't pull the parent card to convey a point... and do kids offer you enlightenment? Sure but so does a good book.