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Or the "he can leave any time" response to domestic abuse. (My point is, it's not gender specific. The research shows that abuse happens both ways and happens

Or the "he can leave any time" response to domestic abuse. (My point is, it's not gender specific. The research shows that abuse happens both ways and happens a very similar amount for either gender.)

scarface74 8y ago
Yes, and I was also at a company that didn’t appreciate me and gave me menial raises for 9 years. I stayed for a lot of (bad) reasons, one of which is that I let my skills decay. I vowed I would never make those two mistakes again - letting my skills be out of step with the market and never getting paid less than I’m worth.
wpietri 8y ago
It is gender specific: https://ncadv.org/statistics https://ncadv.org/statistics Less so than it used to be, in that women now more often have the financial means to leave, but still gendered. That isn't surprising to me, in that a lot of the psychology of abusers is clearly patriarchal. E.g.: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp... That is not to discount abuse against men, of course. Indeed, most of the people facing Jobs's abuse were surely men. But the trope I'm referring to is pretty clearly gendered.
- epicureanideal 8y ago
  Without some evidence, I don't think NCADV is a neutral source. (See their blog, https://ncadv.org/blog https://ncadv.org/blog, where they post opinions on unrelated or very indirectly related matters. This is not a research organization but a political organization.) I've seen plenty of actual published, peer reviewed papers that show near equality of violence between the sexes and sometimes even more violence against men by women. I've seen plenty of advocacy groups claim hugely stacked ratios of violence against women, which is not what I see in scientific research. (If someone looks I'm sure a few articles can be cherry-picked that do that, but not a majority of them.) Not that Wikipedia is a reliable source, but they do have citations anyone interested could look into, and they seem similar to the numbers I saw in my own reading. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men However, even on NCADV, I see "1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1" That's a somewhat skewed ratio but I wouldn't call it a one-sided gendered issue. And I suspect the reason that only 1 in 7 men have been victims of "severe" violence is that men are harder for women to significantly injure, and women are easier for men to significantly injure, so you would assume women would be more often worse injured even assuming both are aggressors in a similar number of situations and using the same amount of aggression, with difference in outcomes for their victims due to their difference in strength.

scarface74 8y ago

Yes, and I was also at a company that didn’t appreciate me and gave me menial raises for 9 years. I stayed for a lot of (bad) reasons, one of which is that I let my skills decay. I vowed I would never make those two mistakes again - letting my skills be out of step with the market and never getting paid less than I’m worth.

wpietri 8y ago

It is gender specific: https://ncadv.org/statistics https://ncadv.org/statistics Less so than it used to be, in that women now more often have the financial means to leave, but still gendered. That isn't surprising to me, in that a lot of the psychology of abusers is clearly patriarchal. E.g.: https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp... That is not to discount abuse against men, of course. Indeed, most of the people facing Jobs's abuse were surely men. But the trope I'm referring to is pretty clearly gendered.

epicureanideal 8y ago
Without some evidence, I don't think NCADV is a neutral source. (See their blog, https://ncadv.org/blog https://ncadv.org/blog, where they post opinions on unrelated or very indirectly related matters. This is not a research organization but a political organization.) I've seen plenty of actual published, peer reviewed papers that show near equality of violence between the sexes and sometimes even more violence against men by women. I've seen plenty of advocacy groups claim hugely stacked ratios of violence against women, which is not what I see in scientific research. (If someone looks I'm sure a few articles can be cherry-picked that do that, but not a majority of them.) Not that Wikipedia is a reliable source, but they do have citations anyone interested could look into, and they seem similar to the numbers I saw in my own reading. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men However, even on NCADV, I see "1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.1" That's a somewhat skewed ratio but I wouldn't call it a one-sided gendered issue. And I suspect the reason that only 1 in 7 men have been victims of "severe" violence is that men are harder for women to significantly injure, and women are easier for men to significantly injure, so you would assume women would be more often worse injured even assuming both are aggressors in a similar number of situations and using the same amount of aggression, with difference in outcomes for their victims due to their difference in strength.