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I understand that they are proposing it more as a general exercise, but I'm pretty sure that failing to have a conversation with every person who asks me for mo

I understand that they are proposing it more as a general exercise, but I'm pretty sure that failing to have a conversation with every person who asks me for money on the street isn't actually making my life boring. Also, I can't imagine anyone actually saying the words, “I am determined to make new friends tonight and I bet you are just the kind of people who make good friends.”

leonardheaton 16y ago
I don't think the article is actually saying that. It's saying we need to be cognizant of why we make decisions and avoid situations. We are controlled by fear a lot more than we realise (or at least, that's what i got out of the article).
- pavel_lishin 16y ago
  I think it's saying that we should buy a pack of their cards.
- jodrellblank 16y ago
  And then it goes on "so ignore your fear and do it anyway", which is terrible advice. Really really terrible. It's like telling you that when you are driving and a warning light appears on the dashboard trying to tell you something, ignore it and push on forwards anyway - wouldn't want to be a weak, boring driver, would you?
  - drumdance 16y ago
    An indicator on the dashboard indicates an objective fact: x is not working as it should. In a social context, the vast majority of "waring lights" are not objective reality. They are just a subjective state of mind. And BTW I generally ignore my check engine light. ;)
    - jodrellblank 16y ago
      What do you mean 'just' a subjective state of mind? Fear indicates a fact - you have learned a reason to be afraid in situation X. "Situation X makes me afraid" is a repeatable, testable statement. It's not coming from my consciousness so it is plenty objective enough. You don't feel it, but what difference does that make? If ignoring it worked, if "just do it" was good advice it would be so obvious, such common advice that such a blog post would not be necessary. If just ignoring fear worked, fear wouldn't have any power over any of us in the first place.
      - drumdance 16y ago
        Jesus, it's not like the article suggests jumping off a bridge.It just says that in certain cases, we have irrational fears that can safely be ignored.
drumdance 16y ago
This works really well at networking events. Most people at networking events 1) feel like the reason they went there is to meet new people and 2) are still too shy to actually meet new people. Walking up to them and saying this provides a solution to both problems.
- kscaldef 16y ago
  I'm not saying not to talk to people. I'm saying that I can't imagine anyone literally using that phrase from the article as suggested.
  - drumdance 16y ago
    I've done it. When you walk up and say something -- anything -- to someone, they are generally focused less on the words than the the body language of the approacher. But it's up to you. You can say whatever you want as long as it's non-threatening.
notahacker 16y ago
The fear is there for a reason: humans naturally avoid social interaction where there's a heightened risk of creating a bad impression (or a reduced likelihood of a positive outcome). Respect for others' personal space counts too - the complete stranger whose conversation you're considering politely butting into has "micro-fears" of their own too and the last thing you want is to be the person that _created_ awkwardness. I'm much more likely to strike up conversation with the person I catch glancing at me and shyly looking away than the person staring at me. There's a fine line between always trying to engage people and being the loud, irritating guy with no social graces. Going to a networking event and failing to network is too far one side of the line; going to a networking event and trying to start conversation with a nails-down-the-blackboard-awful opening line is too far the other.

leonardheaton 16y ago

I don't think the article is actually saying that. It's saying we need to be cognizant of why we make decisions and avoid situations. We are controlled by fear a lot more than we realise (or at least, that's what i got out of the article).

pavel_lishin 16y ago
I think it's saying that we should buy a pack of their cards.
jodrellblank 16y ago
And then it goes on "so ignore your fear and do it anyway", which is terrible advice. Really really terrible. It's like telling you that when you are driving and a warning light appears on the dashboard trying to tell you something, ignore it and push on forwards anyway - wouldn't want to be a weak, boring driver, would you?
- drumdance 16y ago
  An indicator on the dashboard indicates an objective fact: x is not working as it should. In a social context, the vast majority of "waring lights" are not objective reality. They are just a subjective state of mind. And BTW I generally ignore my check engine light. ;)
  - jodrellblank 16y ago
    What do you mean 'just' a subjective state of mind? Fear indicates a fact - you have learned a reason to be afraid in situation X. "Situation X makes me afraid" is a repeatable, testable statement. It's not coming from my consciousness so it is plenty objective enough. You don't feel it, but what difference does that make? If ignoring it worked, if "just do it" was good advice it would be so obvious, such common advice that such a blog post would not be necessary. If just ignoring fear worked, fear wouldn't have any power over any of us in the first place.
    - drumdance 16y ago
      Jesus, it's not like the article suggests jumping off a bridge.It just says that in certain cases, we have irrational fears that can safely be ignored.

drumdance 16y ago

This works really well at networking events. Most people at networking events 1) feel like the reason they went there is to meet new people and 2) are still too shy to actually meet new people. Walking up to them and saying this provides a solution to both problems.

kscaldef 16y ago
I'm not saying not to talk to people. I'm saying that I can't imagine anyone literally using that phrase from the article as suggested.
- drumdance 16y ago
  I've done it. When you walk up and say something -- anything -- to someone, they are generally focused less on the words than the the body language of the approacher. But it's up to you. You can say whatever you want as long as it's non-threatening.

notahacker 16y ago

The fear is there for a reason: humans naturally avoid social interaction where there's a heightened risk of creating a bad impression (or a reduced likelihood of a positive outcome). Respect for others' personal space counts too - the complete stranger whose conversation you're considering politely butting into has "micro-fears" of their own too and the last thing you want is to be the person that _created_ awkwardness. I'm much more likely to strike up conversation with the person I catch glancing at me and shyly looking away than the person staring at me. There's a fine line between always trying to engage people and being the loud, irritating guy with no social graces. Going to a networking event and failing to network is too far one side of the line; going to a networking event and trying to start conversation with a nails-down-the-blackboard-awful opening line is too far the other.