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>so I feel even -more- pressure to give my child everything she needs and wants because I don’t want her to feel as alone and unwanted as I did This is a tough
by fatnoah 8y ago
>so I feel even -more- pressure to give my child everything she needs and wants because I don’t want her to feel as alone and unwanted as I did
This is a tough one because I think how we parent is super-strongly influenced by our experiences as a child. I think the keys here are to make sure she knows that you love and support her no matter what and that's as much of a given as that the sun will rise in the east AND to support her on doing things for herself.
It's one thing if you're there to provide encouragement or a bit of help doing something vs. telling her to get it done and walking away. She'll learn the least from having everything on a whim or you doing everything for her. If the answer is "no" discuss why. Be fair and not capricious. Kids are smart. They know the difference between a parent that doesn't care and a parent that's setting limits.
- finaliteration 8y ago> It's one thing if you're there to provide encouragement or a bit of help doing something vs. telling her to get it done and walking away. The former is definitely my approach. I never just dump her into a situation and ignore her, nor do I do everything for her. For example, cleaning up around the house is a joint effort. And arguments and power struggles are always followed up by reconciliation and reassurance that I still love her despite us being angry at each other. My biggest struggle is not knowing whether a punishment or correction is too severe (because all of the ones I received were), so I tend to be more lenient in a lot of situations where maybe I shouldn’t be.