8 ms·

I teach in a college. Many's the time I've been waiting to get into a classroom because the folks in there are wrapping up an exam, and students come out, inst

I teach in a college. Many's the time I've been waiting to get into a classroom because the folks in there are wrapping up an exam, and students come out, instantly produce the phone, and I hear, "Hi mom, I did OK on the quiz, I think ..." That's too much.

donovanh 8y ago
What's wrong with that?
- NeutronStar 8y ago
  If your first instinct is to call your mom to discuss your feelings then... ugh..
- hamandcheese 8y ago
  On its own, not much. But increasingly parents are involving themselves in their college freshman’s education, going to bat for them when they “unfairly” score low, etc.
- solidr53 8y ago
  There is nothing wrong with that!
emptyfile 8y ago
You really picked the most normal example possible.
Angostura 8y ago
I'm in the EU so can't read the article, but that doesn't feel like over-parenting. My daughter might do that, but she's a pretty independent lass, at age 14 currently wandering around central London or Camden market somewhere as part of her summer holidays - not sure where.
- ginko 8y ago
  >I'm in the EU so can't read the article https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=628042168 https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=628042168 The article ID in the link can be used in the text only site.
scarecrowbob 8y ago
I taught at a university for a couple of years. TBH, that feels normal-ish. I have plenty of folks including my parents with whom, depending on how often we've been communicating lately, I will share trivia. If you think that is bad, wait until you have to speak with some 20-year-old's mom who is thinking that her kiddo should be getting an A for C-level work and you have to get litigious about supporting your grades. I had to write a policy into my syllabus saying that I won't (and, IIRC, legally was not permitted) to talk with other folks than the student about grades and assessments.
dragontamer 8y ago
I don't see anything wrong with a kid (or even an adult) having a strong relationship with their parents. I had a flatmate who talked with her mom every night. Literally every night. For hours. She was just close with her family. It wasn't like she was at school or anything, we were both grown adults with working lives.
- fatnoah 8y ago
  My wife calls her parents every day for a few minutes. I talk to my mom once every couple weeks or an hour or two. Two sides of the same coin.
billbrown 8y ago
This is the peril of anecdotes. You took a momentary observation and wrote a whole narrative surrounding it. How do you know that this is a parental tether? Maybe she had spoken to her mother the night before and expressed some worry about that particular quiz. The call you heard was just a follow up and she is otherwise fully independent. (I catch myself doing this frequently: that couple's marriage is in trouble—they're not even talking over dinner, that driver is on his phone scrolling through Facebook probably, etc. Those stories may be true but there's perfectly reasonable alternatives that would look exactly the same.)
linuxftw 8y ago
I think this is a symptom that today's children don't have the same type of bond with their peers as previous generations. Yesteryear, kids would have discussed classwork with their friends and classmates. All socialization has been removed from classrooms, outside of 'group activities.' The only people they know how to talk to are their parents.
- mikec3010 8y ago
  > The only people they know how to talk to are their parents. I believe it. This gets brought up often here, but when you drive through residential neighborhoods you don't see kids playing or travelling to their friend's houses anymore. Either people are having way fewer kids or they aren't allowed to do things autonomously anymore. This undoubtedly correlates with rising obesity. But instead of blaming lack of play, they blame junk food. I recently drove past a middle school (12-14 yo) and shuddered at the sight of each child walking straight from the door to their parents car, one at a time, like prisoners. When that car pulled away the next car stopped at the same spot before the next child was dismissed. Just a few years prior, all kids were released simultaneously. I think this is eroding our society.
  - linuxftw 8y ago
    No, it's sadly a complete lack of kid autonomy around me. Kids aren't afforded any independence around here until mid-teens (15+). I think walking more than a few doors down is absolutely out of the question for most kids these days. More and more kids are driven to school each day. The school bus was another socialization place for kids that is gone.
  - gowld 8y ago
    The great thing about science by gut feel is you can choose which contradictions you like. In a fitness thread, it's "abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym". But in a parenting thread it's "fat is burned in the street, not the diet"
    - mikec3010 8y ago
pnathan 8y ago
Ah, come on, that's a bit rich. Seems reasonable (& healthy even...) to be chatting with mom about an exam coming up, then give her a ring when it's over. Sure, if mom is still supervising, then that's a bit awkward...
jpindar 8y ago
That seems strange to me. When I was in school (many years ago) I think I called home maybe once a week, and I don't remember talking about schoolwork much.

donovanh 8y ago

What's wrong with that?

NeutronStar 8y ago
If your first instinct is to call your mom to discuss your feelings then... ugh..
hamandcheese 8y ago
On its own, not much. But increasingly parents are involving themselves in their college freshman’s education, going to bat for them when they “unfairly” score low, etc.
solidr53 8y ago
There is nothing wrong with that!

emptyfile 8y ago

You really picked the most normal example possible.

Angostura 8y ago

I'm in the EU so can't read the article, but that doesn't feel like over-parenting. My daughter might do that, but she's a pretty independent lass, at age 14 currently wandering around central London or Camden market somewhere as part of her summer holidays - not sure where.

ginko 8y ago
>I'm in the EU so can't read the article https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=628042168 https://text.npr.org/s.php?sId=628042168 The article ID in the link can be used in the text only site.

scarecrowbob 8y ago

I taught at a university for a couple of years. TBH, that feels normal-ish. I have plenty of folks including my parents with whom, depending on how often we've been communicating lately, I will share trivia. If you think that is bad, wait until you have to speak with some 20-year-old's mom who is thinking that her kiddo should be getting an A for C-level work and you have to get litigious about supporting your grades. I had to write a policy into my syllabus saying that I won't (and, IIRC, legally was not permitted) to talk with other folks than the student about grades and assessments.

dragontamer 8y ago

I don't see anything wrong with a kid (or even an adult) having a strong relationship with their parents. I had a flatmate who talked with her mom every night. Literally every night. For hours. She was just close with her family. It wasn't like she was at school or anything, we were both grown adults with working lives.

fatnoah 8y ago
My wife calls her parents every day for a few minutes. I talk to my mom once every couple weeks or an hour or two. Two sides of the same coin.

billbrown 8y ago

This is the peril of anecdotes. You took a momentary observation and wrote a whole narrative surrounding it. How do you know that this is a parental tether? Maybe she had spoken to her mother the night before and expressed some worry about that particular quiz. The call you heard was just a follow up and she is otherwise fully independent. (I catch myself doing this frequently: that couple's marriage is in trouble—they're not even talking over dinner, that driver is on his phone scrolling through Facebook probably, etc. Those stories may be true but there's perfectly reasonable alternatives that would look exactly the same.)

linuxftw 8y ago

I think this is a symptom that today's children don't have the same type of bond with their peers as previous generations. Yesteryear, kids would have discussed classwork with their friends and classmates. All socialization has been removed from classrooms, outside of 'group activities.' The only people they know how to talk to are their parents.

mikec3010 8y ago
> The only people they know how to talk to are their parents. I believe it. This gets brought up often here, but when you drive through residential neighborhoods you don't see kids playing or travelling to their friend's houses anymore. Either people are having way fewer kids or they aren't allowed to do things autonomously anymore. This undoubtedly correlates with rising obesity. But instead of blaming lack of play, they blame junk food. I recently drove past a middle school (12-14 yo) and shuddered at the sight of each child walking straight from the door to their parents car, one at a time, like prisoners. When that car pulled away the next car stopped at the same spot before the next child was dismissed. Just a few years prior, all kids were released simultaneously. I think this is eroding our society.
- linuxftw 8y ago
  No, it's sadly a complete lack of kid autonomy around me. Kids aren't afforded any independence around here until mid-teens (15+). I think walking more than a few doors down is absolutely out of the question for most kids these days. More and more kids are driven to school each day. The school bus was another socialization place for kids that is gone.
- gowld 8y ago
  The great thing about science by gut feel is you can choose which contradictions you like. In a fitness thread, it's "abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym". But in a parenting thread it's "fat is burned in the street, not the diet"
  - mikec3010 8y ago

pnathan 8y ago

Ah, come on, that's a bit rich. Seems reasonable (& healthy even...) to be chatting with mom about an exam coming up, then give her a ring when it's over. Sure, if mom is still supervising, then that's a bit awkward...

jpindar 8y ago

That seems strange to me. When I was in school (many years ago) I think I called home maybe once a week, and I don't remember talking about schoolwork much.