There is something to the ideas expressed here which I think speak to your situation, specifically I note a lack of joy and play in your skill acquisition: http

There is something to the ideas expressed here which I think speak to your situation, specifically I note a lack of joy and play in your skill acquisition: https://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~kilcup/262/feynman.html https://www.physics.ohio-state.edu/~kilcup/262/feynman.html