This is the part I don't understand. Apple has been pushing for thinner and thinner laptops on the Pro line, when all I want is a laptop that can run a workload

This is the part I don't understand. Apple has been pushing for thinner and thinner laptops on the Pro line, when all I want is a laptop that can run a workload without throttling immediately, a good keyboard and a reasonable battery (that's the one thing they still do well, considering the legal cap on battery sizes). This is totally my personal opinion, but the MacBook Pro 2015 was the perfect laptop. I still use one as my main driver, and I'm agonizing on what my next (long overdue!) move will be.