4 ms·

This is me exactly - and interestingly enough, the parent post sounds like a lot of my friends. I find text messaging and chats distracting from what I'm doing

This is me exactly - and interestingly enough, the parent post sounds like a lot of my friends. I find text messaging and chats distracting from what I'm doing. But when I do hang out with my friends or family, they have my undivided attention and we have a great time.

harlanji 8y ago
Cool, I’m not special validation. I like the focus on quality while present. That’s what I sell. If I forget to tell a new partner, now... we gave a great date and then she wants to start texting intensely, and feels I’m blowing her off and has resulted in anger over being led on/brushed off. No loss on my part, but I always forget on my first few dates after some time off and it results in disappointment or worse on their part, seemingly needlessly. Careful out there, fellow focus junkies.
- itronitron 8y ago
  You could be missing out on a valuable life-term relationship if you aren't willing to accommodate other people's needs for some assurance.
  - rejschaap 8y ago
    Or he could be dodging bullets. He's probably not looking for such a relationship. If he's not willing to accommodate, than not accommodating filters out the people who need accommodating... I'd say that is pretty much working as intended.
    - ravenstine 8y ago
      I don't know about him, but that describes me pretty well. As I've gotten older, I've been getting much more satisfaction out of doing things other than pursuing relationships. At this point, I just don't even care anymore. Well, okay, there's always going to be a shred of me that will think "what if" with some women that come in to my life, but I realize just how uncompromising I am and how that I will never change, and that trait really isn't fair to a partner in a relationship. If someone can accommodate me while I'm able to accommodate for them, then sure. But until that happens, I'm really just fine being who I am and not being fraudulent by acting nice to keep the favor of family and friends.
ravenstine 8y ago
> But when I do hang out with my friends or family, they have my undivided attention and we have a great time. I believe that's how I generally am when I've carved out time to be with people, but then again, assholes probably think that, too. The funny thing is I feel as if most people like to spread out interactions into smaller bits, whereas I like to have an occasional quality hangout with someone. I think a lot of what I'm saying, including that, comes down to how I don't really "need" other people, and that doesn't mean I don't depend on my friends for some things, but it means that I don't need to spend time around people in order to feel like they are my friends. The passage of time, for me, has very little effect on how I perceive friendships; my best friend is always going to be my best friend, even if months or years pass and we haven't spoken a word.

harlanji 8y ago

Cool, I’m not special validation. I like the focus on quality while present. That’s what I sell. If I forget to tell a new partner, now... we gave a great date and then she wants to start texting intensely, and feels I’m blowing her off and has resulted in anger over being led on/brushed off. No loss on my part, but I always forget on my first few dates after some time off and it results in disappointment or worse on their part, seemingly needlessly. Careful out there, fellow focus junkies.

itronitron 8y ago
You could be missing out on a valuable life-term relationship if you aren't willing to accommodate other people's needs for some assurance.
- rejschaap 8y ago
  Or he could be dodging bullets. He's probably not looking for such a relationship. If he's not willing to accommodate, than not accommodating filters out the people who need accommodating... I'd say that is pretty much working as intended.
  - ravenstine 8y ago
    I don't know about him, but that describes me pretty well. As I've gotten older, I've been getting much more satisfaction out of doing things other than pursuing relationships. At this point, I just don't even care anymore. Well, okay, there's always going to be a shred of me that will think "what if" with some women that come in to my life, but I realize just how uncompromising I am and how that I will never change, and that trait really isn't fair to a partner in a relationship. If someone can accommodate me while I'm able to accommodate for them, then sure. But until that happens, I'm really just fine being who I am and not being fraudulent by acting nice to keep the favor of family and friends.

ravenstine 8y ago

> But when I do hang out with my friends or family, they have my undivided attention and we have a great time. I believe that's how I generally am when I've carved out time to be with people, but then again, assholes probably think that, too. The funny thing is I feel as if most people like to spread out interactions into smaller bits, whereas I like to have an occasional quality hangout with someone. I think a lot of what I'm saying, including that, comes down to how I don't really "need" other people, and that doesn't mean I don't depend on my friends for some things, but it means that I don't need to spend time around people in order to feel like they are my friends. The passage of time, for me, has very little effect on how I perceive friendships; my best friend is always going to be my best friend, even if months or years pass and we haven't spoken a word.