9 ms·

Ask HN: Depression and job

60 points by taparisbat3 8y ago

I have a good job. It pays well. I work with intelligent people. It's programming in a trading company (which doesn't align with my values that much). Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do and some personal stuff in my life. I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work and I have lost my concentration and the ability to think straight. The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue. What should I do? Is quitting this job a good idea? edit: i'm seeing a therapist lately and got some meds but I think this lifestyle is not for me anyways.

icholy 8y ago
Take up drinking
- sctb 8y ago
  If you won't post civilly and substantively according to the guidelines we'll ban the account. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
chronal 8y ago
Do you enjoy your job? Could you find another one that would be more fulfilling/less stressful?
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.
  - chronal 8y ago
    If you found a less stressful job, wouldn't that be worth it?
    - taparisbat3 8y ago
      I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)
bsvalley 8y ago
Have you tried to take a break? A 2-3 week break. By pausing your life you’ll free up more space in your brain to think about what is next for you. Quitting could be the solution, but there is a chance that it might aggravate things. Surround yourself with family and close friends too. Communicate with them, talking about your problems with people who really care about you will help. As a first step though - Go back to your therapist ASAP and tell him/her the meds don’t do anything.
programmarchy 8y ago
Can you start with taking some time off to get your bearings, even if you need to take some unpaid? And not sure if it’d help with your level of anxiety, but a few of my colleagues have told me CBD helps them relax without clouding their mind.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you
623allDay 8y ago
If you haven't taken time off with vacation days. I suggest you do for at least week to relax. Take a step back to relax and think about yourself. Understand what's going on with your life and important to you. I wouldn't quit yet until after you think about the situation. Open yourself to people close to you. It might be hard, but I am sure they care for you and will listen to what you have to say.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I have opened myself to almost everyone near me. No one can help but me. The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...
Mc_Big_G 8y ago
* Leave work after 8 hours without making excuses * Go to bed at the same time every night * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Stop drinking alcohol and using drugs * Eat better. Cook your own meals. Do meal prep to make it easier. * Start exercising. Start 3x per week, 15 min of HIIT per day. * Drink a large glass of water when you wake up. Drink water throughout the day. * Don't drink more than one cup of coffee per day * Don't use sleeping pills * Work hard during your 8 hours and let it go when you leave. * Say "No" more at work. Do it with a smile. * Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day. * Start looking for another job. Put the feelers out. Set up notifications. Take it easy and schedule one or two phone calls per week. Think of it like fishing. You're just chilling out and casting your line and reeling it in. Sooner or later you'll hook something nice. * Go for a 30-60min walk every day * Get off of social media. Do more things in the real world. * Spend more time at work conversing with people you like. Invite them to lunch. Go for walks with them. Go for drinks occasionally. * Don't be in a rush to quit. Keep earning your good money until you catch the big fish. * Eliminate all stress-inducing things and people in your life with extreme prejudice. * When you feel fatigued, rest. * Reconnect with true friends and family who lift you up. Disconnect with those that bring you down. * Pick a hobby that makes you happy and do it at least 2x per week. * Push back on everything possible at work. Does someone REALLY need "all the work [you] have to do" or are you taking it on unnecessarily. Again, say "No". * Talk to your boss about taking a break or reducing workload. Let them know you're feeling overwhelmed. Ask for help and/or possibly a change. * Reconsider meds from your therapist unless you have been diagnosed with an actual condition. Meds fix one thing and break several other things. Self-medicate with sleep, food and exercise but commit to not missing your "medication".
- raztogt21 8y ago
  Super solid advice here, If I need to only pick 3 immediate actions. * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day. (use Headspace or Calm applications) And my personal recommendation: * Sit and stand with your back straight. (This raises your confidence and assertiveness; then makes you feel in control; then reduces anxiety, and finally improve your health).
gee_totes 8y ago
I think you're burned out and the personal stuff in your life is taking more of a toll than you think. I think you need to take some time off work, i.e. "mental health/self-care" days. Take at least one day off to just do nothing and chill out. You can use the other days to take care of your personal stuff. Take as much time as you need. Also, if you're gonna quit your job, this is probably one of the safest times to do it.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Thanks <3
anxiouspete 8y ago
I too have been struggling with this a lot recently. I get myself into a state of high panic/stress, seemingly over nothing, and find it very difficult to get back down. It doesn't interrupt my sleep all that much but it completely ruins my waking hours. I have to be very mindful not to let those thoughts creep into my head but sometimes I loose the battle. Stay strong and don't give up!
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Same. Dark thoughts about me. Comparing myself etc. Especially if I work alone in the big project. Something about being stuck that recalls my childhood trauma.. (not sure if true or me making the link because of depressed. The trauma is true just I'm not sure the link is real)
  - deleted 8y ago
    [deleted]
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  How do you deal? How old are you?
finaliteration 8y ago
All that I can say is that I truly empathize with how you feel. I also see a therapist and take meds for a combination of PTSD/anxiety/depression, and I just realized that I’m very close to crossing the line into some pretty severe burnout, so I just accepted a job that’s closer to home and I expect will be less demanding. If you feel like the job is taking its toll it probably won’t hurt to look elsewhere. I enjoy my current job, but it started demanding 10-12 hour days, working on vacation days, and time away from my family. Once I hit that point it was a sign that something needed to change, and I didn’t see the job changing anytime soon. Do what’s best for you and the important people in your life. Never feel guilty about it. And for the love of god, don’t deal with it the way I do, which is shutting down and not communicating with people who can help.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Good you got to job easier to go to that will make you happier. I also suffer from ptsd from childhood. I feel alone and abandoned very often.
blablabla123 8y ago
I've been there, about 3 years I was sooo down, which was while I co-founded a company. So there was this day when I didn't show up in the office with a cheesy excuse - which was not my style at all. One of my co-founders said then a week later we wants to stop the venture. I wanted to continue but actually this was the best thing ever. I should have stopped all that crap a year ago. Before that stupid job my situation wasn't perfect but I was getting along. This has put me back a lot, both personally and professionally. I strongly hint you to re-think your whole situation. Maybe you can take a longer time off and spend that time alone. Also hearing that you work at a trading company, those aren't exactly the most empathizing types of people. I assume you have the qualifications to find a new job easily, maybe not such a unique one but still. Don't be stupid and go with the head through the wall.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I really feel the lack of empathy. But I need this more than those around me :/ which makes me feel special
deleted 8y ago
[deleted]
gregorymichael 8y ago
Hey there, I'm a developer, I live in NYC and speak about this stuff sometimes (baugues.com/depression). If you're in NYC, would be happy to grab coffee next week.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Not in NY. I'll take a look at your site. Thank you
- pdfernhout 8y ago
  I watched your heartfelt video full of great advice. Thank you for making it. As one more piece of the puzzle, since you mentioned several times doing you best work at night and it being hard to get up in the morning, I can wonder how much of various stresses for many people may come from perhaps being a night owl in an early-morning lark business culture? Also in one study, even just one night of missed sleep can lead to bipolar cycling in some people -- discussed by Matthew Walker in his book "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams".
abawany 8y ago
Another vote for re-assessing this job and whether it is a good fit for you. I can vouch from personal experience that things that kill your soul have a huge effect from which it is sometimes difficult to bounce back. Many of these places count on your presumably youthful and abundant energy to ride to their dreams but by burning out, you may never be able to get to yours. We all get one life in our current form and the challenge in this world, just like those standardized exams, is to figure out what is good/relevant and what is not - you are already ahead if you identified the not-good/irrelevant so toss it and go find something that is good for you instead. Edit: I would advise though that rebound is a thing so don't jump too hastily into a worse position - advice from trusted mentors is friends is what you need to either see the value in the current role and/or a future opportunity.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I've already felt like this in almost all my jobs. Something about working alone and feeling abandoned in face of responsabilites and stress
update 8y ago
My drive/ambition for my job was driving me nuts. I started getting hives - for the first time in my life - from the stress. The best thing I did was move from San Francisco to the northwoods near lake superior. You can buy a house out here for <$30k. After that, all you have to pay are utility + food bills, which is like $300 a month (vs $1800/mo rent in CA). With cost of living being so low, you can a single one-off tech job and not have to worry about working for the next few months. It is fantastic to be so free. Just my experience but maybe you can gain something from it?
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.
masukomi 8y ago
> What should I do? Is quitting this job a good idea? yes, absolutely. I've been there. I've burnt out twice and i'm working on my third. (not proud of that statement at all). In my experience it's not a question of if it will get better. It's only a question of how many coping techniques you can put in place to extend the time before you loose it completely (and probably dramatically). Also note that the stress associated with burnout is hard on the body. Want a heart attack at a young age? keep courting burnout.... If i were you i'd also do some serious internal searching regarding if this _carrer_ might also be worth quitting. I dunno, maybe you love programming, in which case the question is more how to find a way to make a living at it that doesn't keep burning you out. I quit and did something i loved that was completely unrelated to programming for four months. it was amazing. it was life changing. Now i'm back in a co. and my values aren't well aligned and it's burning me out again. I will quit. I will do the thing i love, and i'll probably never work for The Man again. I still love programming. I'll keep doing it. Just, not for the man, and on my own schedule. I'll probably end up making a fraction of my current income, and it'll be worth every penny. You sound like you're into the pretty severe end of burnout. My opinion is that no amount of money is worth that. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and live your daily life in a way that makes you smile, regardless of if it involves a pay cut. also, major kudos for getting the help of a therapist. and good luck.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  What was your other thing that you did? I like doing yoga and teaching programming..
Nasrudith 8y ago
It depends on the situation - would you be worse off with unemployment mentally? I would recommend getting another job lined up first. I know in my case lack of a mental challenge created a nasty feedback loop leaving me too dismotivated to start a helpful side project and made me worse at interviewing. I have found it helpful to try to be open to yourself about your emotions and not holding back as much as you can get away with. Repression is a bad move for depression. Is it the hours? The pointlessness? Feeling that on some level working there is betraying your ideals? Lack of a social connection? The root or excaberator is generally personal. For instance I have heard many accounts of superficial success but persistent depression until they realized they were living in the closet. Meanwhile others seem to truly lack an underlying cause other than brain chemistry going rogue.
gfs78 8y ago
> I have a good job...(which doesn't align with my values that much)...Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do...I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work...The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue... Why do you think your job is good? Provided you have some job alternatives: what's is this job giving you that you wont be able to get in some other job? What keeps you working there?
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I think job is good as what my parents would consider a good job.. :(
  - gfs78 8y ago
    Do you believe your parents are going to think the same if they get to know that this job is getting you ill? Even if you quit your job or not, you will have to find a solution to your situation, because if you don´t, you are risking getting really really ill.
    - taparisbat3 8y ago
      I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?" I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.
ravenstine 8y ago
If it were me, I'd just quit. Fuck. That. Shit. Life is too short to be depressed, or so much as be bored or at a dead end. If your company doesn't align with your values, then all the more reason to leave. If you have some personal projects you want to work on, build up some funds so you con quit and comfortably take a sabbatical and then spend some time applying for positions in the latter half of it. Do you have family and friends? Chances are at least one of them will help you if times get tough. If you have a support network, remember that you can use it. If you are crying at work, that means your job isn't as valuable as you think it is. It probably sucks. If you have sick time, use a bunch of it so you can calm down and rationally decide what your exit strategy will be. By the way, I recently quit my job with nothing lined up. The company was great, but I had personal projects I wanted time for and needed a change. This is a thing people do, and they usually survive it. Don't buy the social pressure that says working hard is a virtue in and of itself, or that you're a bum because you quit for your own health and are "unemployed". One day not too long from now, you'll look back at this job and wonder why you put up with it for so long.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I've already lived this situation in a previous job. I'm somehow afraid this might reproduce itself.. It's a mixture of working under pressure and fear of authority figure that comes from abandonment childhood trauma... Also I don't connect with any collègue really. Like in the deep level, contemplating kind of thing.
  - ravenstine 8y ago
    That's tough, and I feel for you. As someone else mentioned, maybe it's a good idea to reevaluate if this career is right for you? That's not to say I think you shouldn't try to persevere, but it's a valid question to ask yourself. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting therapy, based on what you describe. That's probably something I should have done, rather than work through my problems alone. It's certainly possible to do the latter, but it takes a long time. Connecting with colleagues in any meaningful way is really a rarity. In the 5 year career I've had being a full-time programmer, I've only meet about 3 people with whom I've been able to really connect with, and only one of those in any sort of deep level(as in we've kept in touch long after we both moved on). I don't know what you are like, but it's possible that the way you socialize is just different from most people. A lot of people are happy with very surface-level interactions, which is why they can be happy going to parties because they can talk about meaningless drivel and be satisfied with the sort of safety provided by not really rocking the boat in any way. Maybe you are one of those people, or maybe you're like I am in that I have no interest in speaking their language but value depth when it comes along. Either way, understanding that can help you look for a work environment that better suits who you are. Still, either way, connecting with people doesn't happen very often. I long desired to connect with people(I'm relatively bad at this) in part because I struggled in childhood to make friends who weren't going to later stab me in the back. It was difficult to come to the conclusion that I don't actually need connection as much as I thought, but once I did, it was quite freeing because I could better value connections(as opposed to having a level of desperation for it) and also be perfectly content on being by myself and doing my own thing. Back to the career thing... what other sort of institutions have you worked for? No offense, but financial institutions are the kind of places I specifically choose not to work for. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll say I've passed up jobs because they were for financial institutions. :) A lot of people are fine with them, but it's not for me. If you've only worked for similar places in the past, maybe your outlook on your career is jaded in part because you don't know how good it can actually be? Just a thought. If, for example, you've previously only worked for other financial firms or marketing firms, then you might not know how good you can realistically have it. The job I just left was at a non-profit public media organization. What I really liked about that company, despite some minor shortcomings, is that I could believe in the mission, which is important for me. If I worked somewhere that was solely interested in milking the customers of money, I'd lose interest in short order. Maybe a non-profit organization is a good place for you to work? Since they have a limited income, they tend to be more flexible and understanding with their employees since they would prefer to keep them around rather than lose them during critical times.
datakack 8y ago
Are you 100% sure of the root cause of your depression? You may quit your job but if that was not the reason you would be back on square one. My suggestion ask yourself some difficult and honest questions without any emotional context. Based on the answers make a decision. Speak with your therapist and use her/him as your sounding board. But make sure you know the root cause before you make you next move. Most of us "think" we know why but its not necessarily the right answer.
- ljw1001 8y ago
  Great question. I've found sometimes in hindsight that when I was unhappy I changed a thing that was easy to change, rather than the thing most responsible for my unhappiness.
badrabbit 8y ago
Maybe you should see if taking a few weeks off from work is possible. I won't advise you about depression since I don't qualify to do so,but I do know changing your environment can have a significant psychological impact. It could make things better or worse. When a program doesn't work right you need someone who understands how programs work, to debug them,analyze the root cause and implement a fix. Doesn't have to be a therapist,just find someone who qualifies and let them debug you. Edit: Interesting post on hn you might find useful: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17523475 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17523475
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I'm already seeing a therapist and she believes I've lived a weird childhood
  - badrabbit 8y ago
    Yeah,we all have lol. Something about the critical development period (pre 13)
    - taparisbat3 8y ago
      I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)
      - badrabbit 8y ago
        Just don't give up then. In a race what matters is how you finished not how you started.
gargarplex 8y ago
See if you can find a friend or companion to go on vacation with you for at least 8 days. No laptop and no cellphone if possible.
edge_less 8y ago
Do the therapist thing, exercise, eat right, etc...That is all important. Good pay, Good job, blah blah. None of that is really relevant, that is some externally defined bullshit. If you are burning out and waking up with anxiety you need to back up and figure out the root cause. I just suffered through 2 months of this for the 10th time in the last 20 years. This time it was a bit more intense. I have been through enough shit in my life, fire arms in my face in foreign countries, losing loved ones, the list goes on like most folks. None of that shook me like this recent bout of corporate fuckery. I think you need to dig deep and analyze all of the variables. Without knowing more about your personal life, age and financial position it is hard to say what the right thing to do is in a socially acceptable sense. If there are stress triggers you need to figure out how to manage those. End of the day it is probably just a bad fit. It could simply be "toxic" for you. The pay/resume cred doesn't matter if it makes you miserable and degrades your mental/emotional/physical well being. A bad fit is a bad fit. Chalk it up to life experience and apply what you learn as you continue on down the path. All the money, social acceptance, don't take it for granted, first world problems stuff isn't something to get hung up on. Dead that noise. Look at your life, who you were, how you have acted in the past, who you are today, there are always patterns and a root cause. You need to focus on the self. What makes sense for YOU. If you are miserable just roll out. If you can take a week or three off, do that. Communicate with HR or your boss, keep it real. It takes some stones to be open and honest about this kind of thing but you might be surprised at what kind of support you can receive. Worst case just go to the doc and then let HR know. I am willing to bet that you can take a month or more off via personal leave with no real consequence due to "job related" illness. When in doubt, review your handy dandy corporate handbook. Start to take control of the situation. It is your life. Own it. Don't throw yourself under the bus for no reason. Make change, don't be a victim...especially not to your own sub-conscious acrobatics.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  10 times in 20 years. Wow. How do you deal with it? What causes your thing? How long does it last? Do you feel shame (I do) when depressed?
  - edge_less 8y ago
gt565k 8y ago
Most people in the comments are telling you to quit, but is it really your job that's depressing you or have you pushed yourself too hard for too long? How long have you been at this job? Do you have personal hobbies or projects you like to work on? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. We often tend to rely on our jobs to push our intellectual curiosity and provide satisfaction by challenging us to greater heights. Unfortunately, most jobs become mundane after the first project goes live. Hence why most developers average 2 years or less at a job. It's our failure to communicate and set expectations with our superiors, that drives us to the brink, isolates us, and ultimately makes us quit. Alas, the grass ain't always greener and more often than not, you find yourself in the same situation. If there's one thing I've learned from all of the previous employers I've left, it's that the anxiety build up leading up to handing in that 2 weeks notice could have been entirely avoided, had we just had an open conversation of where we want to be in our careers. Communication is key. Before you decide to quit, I'd say take a long vacation. 2 weeks minimum, or a month if permissible. Make sure to completely remove yourself from your current environment (go to another country). Doing so will recharge your batteries, help disconnect you from the daily grind, and realign your thoughts on what's important. A crystal clear view of what path to take. After you come back, whether you've decided to stay or leave your current employer, you will feel 100 times more confident in the decision you make. Sounds like burnout and anxiety has gotten the best of you right now. Relax. Take a deep breath. Go on a long vacation. Make a decision.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Thanks for your comment. Lots of insight
wordpressdev 8y ago
Recently left a job because it was not aligning with my values. Have to rely on freelance projects for a while. This is not a professional advice, but IMO if the job doesn't match your values, you feel depressed thinking about, and aren't in position to change anything - better walk away while you are sane enough to take the decision. Best of luck with your future endeavors.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  Thank you. Do you work remotely?
itronitron 8y ago
A lot of comments are focusing on the burnout aspect, but I think you should pay careful attention during the workday to see if there is anything (or any person) that is triggering your anxious feelings. You may subconsciously be picking up on some people's behavior that you know is off and amplifying that (for good reason). Your anxiety may be a survival instinct rather than a result of exhaustion so please keep that in mind.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I perceive everything like I'm being thrown away from the group. Often feel out of it. Especially when I'm tired and I don't like the job.
tenthead 8y ago
I know how you feel. I started my career as a programmer in a good company but I felt like you described: anxious, burnout and overwhelmed. Quitting is not the answer. You would probably face the same situation in your next job. It's mostly how WE perceive the world around us. Seek professional help if you can afford it. These things worked for me that I suggest you try right a way: * Read/listen a good book (how to stop worrying and start living, or similar self-help books) * Eat and sleep well, exercise. There are a lot of internet resources on this. Good luck.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  I have negative talk in my head. Compare myself with those that are better than me. And stress way too fast. What did you do? How are you now? How old are you..?
LocalMan 8y ago
Work with friends or whatever to find a new position before you end the one you have. Unemployment is very depressing. Avoid it. One week or two is okay.
- taparisbat3 8y ago
  There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.

60 points by taparisbat3 8y ago

icholy 8y ago

Take up drinking

sctb 8y ago
If you won't post civilly and substantively according to the guidelines we'll ban the account. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

chronal 8y ago

Do you enjoy your job? Could you find another one that would be more fulfilling/less stressful?

taparisbat3 8y ago
I don't enjoy it no. But I get to get bored easily with every job I have.
- chronal 8y ago
  If you found a less stressful job, wouldn't that be worth it?
  - taparisbat3 8y ago
    I'm not even sure.. at the moment I'm lost. :)

bsvalley 8y ago

Have you tried to take a break? A 2-3 week break. By pausing your life you’ll free up more space in your brain to think about what is next for you. Quitting could be the solution, but there is a chance that it might aggravate things. Surround yourself with family and close friends too. Communicate with them, talking about your problems with people who really care about you will help. As a first step though - Go back to your therapist ASAP and tell him/her the meds don’t do anything.

programmarchy 8y ago

Can you start with taking some time off to get your bearings, even if you need to take some unpaid? And not sure if it’d help with your level of anxiety, but a few of my colleagues have told me CBD helps them relax without clouding their mind.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I ordered some actually :) will try and tell you

623allDay 8y ago

If you haven't taken time off with vacation days. I suggest you do for at least week to relax. Take a step back to relax and think about yourself. Understand what's going on with your life and important to you. I wouldn't quit yet until after you think about the situation. Open yourself to people close to you. It might be hard, but I am sure they care for you and will listen to what you have to say.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I have opened myself to almost everyone near me. No one can help but me. The shame and guilt is deep inside me. It's me who's lost now. They try to be there but still...

Mc_Big_G 8y ago

* Leave work after 8 hours without making excuses * Go to bed at the same time every night * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Stop drinking alcohol and using drugs * Eat better. Cook your own meals. Do meal prep to make it easier. * Start exercising. Start 3x per week, 15 min of HIIT per day. * Drink a large glass of water when you wake up. Drink water throughout the day. * Don't drink more than one cup of coffee per day * Don't use sleeping pills * Work hard during your 8 hours and let it go when you leave. * Say "No" more at work. Do it with a smile. * Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day. * Start looking for another job. Put the feelers out. Set up notifications. Take it easy and schedule one or two phone calls per week. Think of it like fishing. You're just chilling out and casting your line and reeling it in. Sooner or later you'll hook something nice. * Go for a 30-60min walk every day * Get off of social media. Do more things in the real world. * Spend more time at work conversing with people you like. Invite them to lunch. Go for walks with them. Go for drinks occasionally. * Don't be in a rush to quit. Keep earning your good money until you catch the big fish. * Eliminate all stress-inducing things and people in your life with extreme prejudice. * When you feel fatigued, rest. * Reconnect with true friends and family who lift you up. Disconnect with those that bring you down. * Pick a hobby that makes you happy and do it at least 2x per week. * Push back on everything possible at work. Does someone REALLY need "all the work [you] have to do" or are you taking it on unnecessarily. Again, say "No". * Talk to your boss about taking a break or reducing workload. Let them know you're feeling overwhelmed. Ask for help and/or possibly a change. * Reconsider meds from your therapist unless you have been diagnosed with an actual condition. Meds fix one thing and break several other things. Self-medicate with sleep, food and exercise but commit to not missing your "medication".

raztogt21 8y ago
Super solid advice here, If I need to only pick 3 immediate actions. * Get at least 7 hours of sleep. Try for 8. * Do a few minutes of stretching and meditation every day. (use Headspace or Calm applications) And my personal recommendation: * Sit and stand with your back straight. (This raises your confidence and assertiveness; then makes you feel in control; then reduces anxiety, and finally improve your health).

gee_totes 8y ago

I think you're burned out and the personal stuff in your life is taking more of a toll than you think. I think you need to take some time off work, i.e. "mental health/self-care" days. Take at least one day off to just do nothing and chill out. You can use the other days to take care of your personal stuff. Take as much time as you need. Also, if you're gonna quit your job, this is probably one of the safest times to do it.

taparisbat3 8y ago
Thanks <3

anxiouspete 8y ago

I too have been struggling with this a lot recently. I get myself into a state of high panic/stress, seemingly over nothing, and find it very difficult to get back down. It doesn't interrupt my sleep all that much but it completely ruins my waking hours. I have to be very mindful not to let those thoughts creep into my head but sometimes I loose the battle. Stay strong and don't give up!

taparisbat3 8y ago
Same. Dark thoughts about me. Comparing myself etc. Especially if I work alone in the big project. Something about being stuck that recalls my childhood trauma.. (not sure if true or me making the link because of depressed. The trauma is true just I'm not sure the link is real)
- deleted 8y ago
  [deleted]
taparisbat3 8y ago
How do you deal? How old are you?

finaliteration 8y ago

All that I can say is that I truly empathize with how you feel. I also see a therapist and take meds for a combination of PTSD/anxiety/depression, and I just realized that I’m very close to crossing the line into some pretty severe burnout, so I just accepted a job that’s closer to home and I expect will be less demanding. If you feel like the job is taking its toll it probably won’t hurt to look elsewhere. I enjoy my current job, but it started demanding 10-12 hour days, working on vacation days, and time away from my family. Once I hit that point it was a sign that something needed to change, and I didn’t see the job changing anytime soon. Do what’s best for you and the important people in your life. Never feel guilty about it. And for the love of god, don’t deal with it the way I do, which is shutting down and not communicating with people who can help.

taparisbat3 8y ago
Good you got to job easier to go to that will make you happier. I also suffer from ptsd from childhood. I feel alone and abandoned very often.

blablabla123 8y ago

I've been there, about 3 years I was sooo down, which was while I co-founded a company. So there was this day when I didn't show up in the office with a cheesy excuse - which was not my style at all. One of my co-founders said then a week later we wants to stop the venture. I wanted to continue but actually this was the best thing ever. I should have stopped all that crap a year ago. Before that stupid job my situation wasn't perfect but I was getting along. This has put me back a lot, both personally and professionally. I strongly hint you to re-think your whole situation. Maybe you can take a longer time off and spend that time alone. Also hearing that you work at a trading company, those aren't exactly the most empathizing types of people. I assume you have the qualifications to find a new job easily, maybe not such a unique one but still. Don't be stupid and go with the head through the wall.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I really feel the lack of empathy. But I need this more than those around me :/ which makes me feel special

deleted 8y ago

[deleted]

gregorymichael 8y ago

Hey there, I'm a developer, I live in NYC and speak about this stuff sometimes (baugues.com/depression). If you're in NYC, would be happy to grab coffee next week.

taparisbat3 8y ago
Not in NY. I'll take a look at your site. Thank you
pdfernhout 8y ago
I watched your heartfelt video full of great advice. Thank you for making it. As one more piece of the puzzle, since you mentioned several times doing you best work at night and it being hard to get up in the morning, I can wonder how much of various stresses for many people may come from perhaps being a night owl in an early-morning lark business culture? Also in one study, even just one night of missed sleep can lead to bipolar cycling in some people -- discussed by Matthew Walker in his book "Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Power of Sleep and Dreams".

abawany 8y ago

Another vote for re-assessing this job and whether it is a good fit for you. I can vouch from personal experience that things that kill your soul have a huge effect from which it is sometimes difficult to bounce back. Many of these places count on your presumably youthful and abundant energy to ride to their dreams but by burning out, you may never be able to get to yours. We all get one life in our current form and the challenge in this world, just like those standardized exams, is to figure out what is good/relevant and what is not - you are already ahead if you identified the not-good/irrelevant so toss it and go find something that is good for you instead. Edit: I would advise though that rebound is a thing so don't jump too hastily into a worse position - advice from trusted mentors is friends is what you need to either see the value in the current role and/or a future opportunity.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I've already felt like this in almost all my jobs. Something about working alone and feeling abandoned in face of responsabilites and stress

update 8y ago

My drive/ambition for my job was driving me nuts. I started getting hives - for the first time in my life - from the stress. The best thing I did was move from San Francisco to the northwoods near lake superior. You can buy a house out here for <$30k. After that, all you have to pay are utility + food bills, which is like $300 a month (vs $1800/mo rent in CA). With cost of living being so low, you can a single one-off tech job and not have to worry about working for the next few months. It is fantastic to be so free. Just my experience but maybe you can gain something from it?

taparisbat3 8y ago
'one-off tech'? Yes your experience is awesome.

masukomi 8y ago

> What should I do? Is quitting this job a good idea? yes, absolutely. I've been there. I've burnt out twice and i'm working on my third. (not proud of that statement at all). In my experience it's not a question of if it will get better. It's only a question of how many coping techniques you can put in place to extend the time before you loose it completely (and probably dramatically). Also note that the stress associated with burnout is hard on the body. Want a heart attack at a young age? keep courting burnout.... If i were you i'd also do some serious internal searching regarding if this _carrer_ might also be worth quitting. I dunno, maybe you love programming, in which case the question is more how to find a way to make a living at it that doesn't keep burning you out. I quit and did something i loved that was completely unrelated to programming for four months. it was amazing. it was life changing. Now i'm back in a co. and my values aren't well aligned and it's burning me out again. I will quit. I will do the thing i love, and i'll probably never work for The Man again. I still love programming. I'll keep doing it. Just, not for the man, and on my own schedule. I'll probably end up making a fraction of my current income, and it'll be worth every penny. You sound like you're into the pretty severe end of burnout. My opinion is that no amount of money is worth that. Do whatever it takes to take care of yourself and live your daily life in a way that makes you smile, regardless of if it involves a pay cut. also, major kudos for getting the help of a therapist. and good luck.

taparisbat3 8y ago
What was your other thing that you did? I like doing yoga and teaching programming..

Nasrudith 8y ago

It depends on the situation - would you be worse off with unemployment mentally? I would recommend getting another job lined up first. I know in my case lack of a mental challenge created a nasty feedback loop leaving me too dismotivated to start a helpful side project and made me worse at interviewing. I have found it helpful to try to be open to yourself about your emotions and not holding back as much as you can get away with. Repression is a bad move for depression. Is it the hours? The pointlessness? Feeling that on some level working there is betraying your ideals? Lack of a social connection? The root or excaberator is generally personal. For instance I have heard many accounts of superficial success but persistent depression until they realized they were living in the closet. Meanwhile others seem to truly lack an underlying cause other than brain chemistry going rogue.

gfs78 8y ago

> I have a good job...(which doesn't align with my values that much)...Lately I've been feeling depressed and overwhelmed and burnout from all the work that I have to do...I wake up every morning feeling anxious, I am starting to have panick attacks at work...The other day I started crying while talking to a collegue... Why do you think your job is good? Provided you have some job alternatives: what's is this job giving you that you wont be able to get in some other job? What keeps you working there?

taparisbat3 8y ago
I think job is good as what my parents would consider a good job.. :(
- gfs78 8y ago
  Do you believe your parents are going to think the same if they get to know that this job is getting you ill? Even if you quit your job or not, you will have to find a solution to your situation, because if you don´t, you are risking getting really really ill.
  - taparisbat3 8y ago
    I talked to them about this, they were like : "well how will you earn money?" I feel like it has never been about me, but about my achievements. This has fucked up my sense of self.

ravenstine 8y ago

If it were me, I'd just quit. Fuck. That. Shit. Life is too short to be depressed, or so much as be bored or at a dead end. If your company doesn't align with your values, then all the more reason to leave. If you have some personal projects you want to work on, build up some funds so you con quit and comfortably take a sabbatical and then spend some time applying for positions in the latter half of it. Do you have family and friends? Chances are at least one of them will help you if times get tough. If you have a support network, remember that you can use it. If you are crying at work, that means your job isn't as valuable as you think it is. It probably sucks. If you have sick time, use a bunch of it so you can calm down and rationally decide what your exit strategy will be. By the way, I recently quit my job with nothing lined up. The company was great, but I had personal projects I wanted time for and needed a change. This is a thing people do, and they usually survive it. Don't buy the social pressure that says working hard is a virtue in and of itself, or that you're a bum because you quit for your own health and are "unemployed". One day not too long from now, you'll look back at this job and wonder why you put up with it for so long.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I've already lived this situation in a previous job. I'm somehow afraid this might reproduce itself.. It's a mixture of working under pressure and fear of authority figure that comes from abandonment childhood trauma... Also I don't connect with any collègue really. Like in the deep level, contemplating kind of thing.
- ravenstine 8y ago
  That's tough, and I feel for you. As someone else mentioned, maybe it's a good idea to reevaluate if this career is right for you? That's not to say I think you shouldn't try to persevere, but it's a valid question to ask yourself. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by getting therapy, based on what you describe. That's probably something I should have done, rather than work through my problems alone. It's certainly possible to do the latter, but it takes a long time. Connecting with colleagues in any meaningful way is really a rarity. In the 5 year career I've had being a full-time programmer, I've only meet about 3 people with whom I've been able to really connect with, and only one of those in any sort of deep level(as in we've kept in touch long after we both moved on). I don't know what you are like, but it's possible that the way you socialize is just different from most people. A lot of people are happy with very surface-level interactions, which is why they can be happy going to parties because they can talk about meaningless drivel and be satisfied with the sort of safety provided by not really rocking the boat in any way. Maybe you are one of those people, or maybe you're like I am in that I have no interest in speaking their language but value depth when it comes along. Either way, understanding that can help you look for a work environment that better suits who you are. Still, either way, connecting with people doesn't happen very often. I long desired to connect with people(I'm relatively bad at this) in part because I struggled in childhood to make friends who weren't going to later stab me in the back. It was difficult to come to the conclusion that I don't actually need connection as much as I thought, but once I did, it was quite freeing because I could better value connections(as opposed to having a level of desperation for it) and also be perfectly content on being by myself and doing my own thing. Back to the career thing... what other sort of institutions have you worked for? No offense, but financial institutions are the kind of places I specifically choose not to work for. Ask anyone who knows me, and they'll say I've passed up jobs because they were for financial institutions. :) A lot of people are fine with them, but it's not for me. If you've only worked for similar places in the past, maybe your outlook on your career is jaded in part because you don't know how good it can actually be? Just a thought. If, for example, you've previously only worked for other financial firms or marketing firms, then you might not know how good you can realistically have it. The job I just left was at a non-profit public media organization. What I really liked about that company, despite some minor shortcomings, is that I could believe in the mission, which is important for me. If I worked somewhere that was solely interested in milking the customers of money, I'd lose interest in short order. Maybe a non-profit organization is a good place for you to work? Since they have a limited income, they tend to be more flexible and understanding with their employees since they would prefer to keep them around rather than lose them during critical times.

datakack 8y ago

Are you 100% sure of the root cause of your depression? You may quit your job but if that was not the reason you would be back on square one. My suggestion ask yourself some difficult and honest questions without any emotional context. Based on the answers make a decision. Speak with your therapist and use her/him as your sounding board. But make sure you know the root cause before you make you next move. Most of us "think" we know why but its not necessarily the right answer.

ljw1001 8y ago
Great question. I've found sometimes in hindsight that when I was unhappy I changed a thing that was easy to change, rather than the thing most responsible for my unhappiness.

badrabbit 8y ago

Maybe you should see if taking a few weeks off from work is possible. I won't advise you about depression since I don't qualify to do so,but I do know changing your environment can have a significant psychological impact. It could make things better or worse. When a program doesn't work right you need someone who understands how programs work, to debug them,analyze the root cause and implement a fix. Doesn't have to be a therapist,just find someone who qualifies and let them debug you. Edit: Interesting post on hn you might find useful: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17523475 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17523475

taparisbat3 8y ago
I'm already seeing a therapist and she believes I've lived a weird childhood
- badrabbit 8y ago
  Yeah,we all have lol. Something about the critical development period (pre 13)
  - taparisbat3 8y ago
    I've lived abandonment, verbal and physical svuse, bullying and a war :)
    - badrabbit 8y ago
      Just don't give up then. In a race what matters is how you finished not how you started.

gargarplex 8y ago

See if you can find a friend or companion to go on vacation with you for at least 8 days. No laptop and no cellphone if possible.

edge_less 8y ago

Do the therapist thing, exercise, eat right, etc...That is all important. Good pay, Good job, blah blah. None of that is really relevant, that is some externally defined bullshit. If you are burning out and waking up with anxiety you need to back up and figure out the root cause. I just suffered through 2 months of this for the 10th time in the last 20 years. This time it was a bit more intense. I have been through enough shit in my life, fire arms in my face in foreign countries, losing loved ones, the list goes on like most folks. None of that shook me like this recent bout of corporate fuckery. I think you need to dig deep and analyze all of the variables. Without knowing more about your personal life, age and financial position it is hard to say what the right thing to do is in a socially acceptable sense. If there are stress triggers you need to figure out how to manage those. End of the day it is probably just a bad fit. It could simply be "toxic" for you. The pay/resume cred doesn't matter if it makes you miserable and degrades your mental/emotional/physical well being. A bad fit is a bad fit. Chalk it up to life experience and apply what you learn as you continue on down the path. All the money, social acceptance, don't take it for granted, first world problems stuff isn't something to get hung up on. Dead that noise. Look at your life, who you were, how you have acted in the past, who you are today, there are always patterns and a root cause. You need to focus on the self. What makes sense for YOU. If you are miserable just roll out. If you can take a week or three off, do that. Communicate with HR or your boss, keep it real. It takes some stones to be open and honest about this kind of thing but you might be surprised at what kind of support you can receive. Worst case just go to the doc and then let HR know. I am willing to bet that you can take a month or more off via personal leave with no real consequence due to "job related" illness. When in doubt, review your handy dandy corporate handbook. Start to take control of the situation. It is your life. Own it. Don't throw yourself under the bus for no reason. Make change, don't be a victim...especially not to your own sub-conscious acrobatics.

taparisbat3 8y ago
10 times in 20 years. Wow. How do you deal with it? What causes your thing? How long does it last? Do you feel shame (I do) when depressed?
- edge_less 8y ago

gt565k 8y ago

Most people in the comments are telling you to quit, but is it really your job that's depressing you or have you pushed yourself too hard for too long? How long have you been at this job? Do you have personal hobbies or projects you like to work on? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. We often tend to rely on our jobs to push our intellectual curiosity and provide satisfaction by challenging us to greater heights. Unfortunately, most jobs become mundane after the first project goes live. Hence why most developers average 2 years or less at a job. It's our failure to communicate and set expectations with our superiors, that drives us to the brink, isolates us, and ultimately makes us quit. Alas, the grass ain't always greener and more often than not, you find yourself in the same situation. If there's one thing I've learned from all of the previous employers I've left, it's that the anxiety build up leading up to handing in that 2 weeks notice could have been entirely avoided, had we just had an open conversation of where we want to be in our careers. Communication is key. Before you decide to quit, I'd say take a long vacation. 2 weeks minimum, or a month if permissible. Make sure to completely remove yourself from your current environment (go to another country). Doing so will recharge your batteries, help disconnect you from the daily grind, and realign your thoughts on what's important. A crystal clear view of what path to take. After you come back, whether you've decided to stay or leave your current employer, you will feel 100 times more confident in the decision you make. Sounds like burnout and anxiety has gotten the best of you right now. Relax. Take a deep breath. Go on a long vacation. Make a decision.

taparisbat3 8y ago
Thanks for your comment. Lots of insight

wordpressdev 8y ago

Recently left a job because it was not aligning with my values. Have to rely on freelance projects for a while. This is not a professional advice, but IMO if the job doesn't match your values, you feel depressed thinking about, and aren't in position to change anything - better walk away while you are sane enough to take the decision. Best of luck with your future endeavors.

taparisbat3 8y ago
Thank you. Do you work remotely?

itronitron 8y ago

A lot of comments are focusing on the burnout aspect, but I think you should pay careful attention during the workday to see if there is anything (or any person) that is triggering your anxious feelings. You may subconsciously be picking up on some people's behavior that you know is off and amplifying that (for good reason). Your anxiety may be a survival instinct rather than a result of exhaustion so please keep that in mind.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I perceive everything like I'm being thrown away from the group. Often feel out of it. Especially when I'm tired and I don't like the job.

tenthead 8y ago

I know how you feel. I started my career as a programmer in a good company but I felt like you described: anxious, burnout and overwhelmed. Quitting is not the answer. You would probably face the same situation in your next job. It's mostly how WE perceive the world around us. Seek professional help if you can afford it. These things worked for me that I suggest you try right a way: * Read/listen a good book (how to stop worrying and start living, or similar self-help books) * Eat and sleep well, exercise. There are a lot of internet resources on this. Good luck.

taparisbat3 8y ago
I have negative talk in my head. Compare myself with those that are better than me. And stress way too fast. What did you do? How are you now? How old are you..?

LocalMan 8y ago

Work with friends or whatever to find a new position before you end the one you have. Unemployment is very depressing. Avoid it. One week or two is okay.

taparisbat3 8y ago
There's always the possibility to find work on upwork etc to do freelance stuff.