Education: Embrace the Money Pit

Education is synonymous with college and the ultimate goal is employment. Clearly, we need to separate education and learning because they are wholly different pursuits (as any college grad or student can attest). But, colleges make an awesome business model because they’re like the United States Treasury – they print money. Myth 1: All college graduates earn more. In reality, earning a bachelor’s degree does not guarantee you a salary greater than the guy working next to you at Home Depot, H&R Block, or whatever random job you can think of. It’s a fact that the single greatest guarantor of earning power is nepotism. A referral by the “right guy” will always trump whatever printout you’ve gotten from your most recent collegiate printing press. Myth 2: A college degree pays for itself. This is surprisingly – true. A college degree pays for itself because you’re probably stuck working a job that you hate to pay off debt from the degree. After you paying off the degree, you return to college and attempt to find a “job or pursuit that you love.” (Sound familiar yet?) Myth 3: College is your first step into the real world. College life is surreal. You have limitless amounts of time to shit away and follow any pursuit that your student loans will permit. Never again in your life will PJs, liquor, free-time and pizza align is such perfect symphony. Then… why sink money into College? Because everyone else is doing it! College may be useless, but that doesn’t mean it’s irrelevant. You’ll still need a degree from some random school because you need to keep up with the Jones in order to have a glimmer of hope to find a shitty job. (Truly depressing) Silver lining? 1. College really is buttloads of fun because of the aforementioned alignment of PJs, liquor, free-time and pizza. 2. Everyone gets a girlfriend/boyfriend and a potential attempt at getting laid. Frankly, you’re all (boys and girls) to horny and liquored up to keep it in your pants anymore, so even the ugliest beast looks pretty scrumptious. 3. Lastly, you could potentially create the next “big thing” like the shit that no one needs but loves to have for stalking friends and promoting you’re newest dumbass idea. (Cue music and fade in picture of pasty white guy with caption – The Social Network.) Let’s all just accept college for what it is and stop putting it on a pedestal. It’s a four-year vacation you paid for in the hopes of landing a job.