5 ms·

I think I came across as a bit of a "victim" in my comment, but the attitude you've described here is very much how I approach life. You can definitely learn s

by kypro 8y ago

I think I came across as a bit of a "victim" in my comment, but the attitude you've described here is very much how I approach life. You can definitely learn social skills, and almost anyone who wants a good career needs to have at least some ability to hold a conversation and be approachable. That said, if you're sufficiently on the spectrum you're probably never going to pass as "normal" but you can be good enough. I guess what upsets me is that I feel like to be successful I have to be less myself. I think you might feel this too based on what you said: > At this point I’m not even sure if the “real me” is the awkward one. So yeah, I do try my best to improve. I have to if I want what's best for the people I love. But I often wish I didn't have to and society would work around my communication preferences instead for a change. There are certainly days I get tired of being someone else and think screw it for better or worse, but I think I'm getting a little better at it every day.

mmt 8y ago
> But I often wish I didn't have to and society would work around my communication preferences instead for a change. To me, this echoes an under-emphasized concept when discussing freedom and democracies, and things like free speech in online forums and search engines: the danger of "tyranny of the majority". It also underscores the importance of true diversity, diversity of thought, which can include forcing oneself to think differently by, for example, working around the communication preferences of the minority.
mindgam3 8y ago
> I guess what upsets me is that I feel like to be successful I have to be less myself. I think you might feel this too based on what you said Actually, my point was the exact opposite. The "awkward me" isn't the real me. It's the version of myself that I constructed in order to survive my seriously dysfunctional childhood raised by a mother with a PhD from Harvard in child psychology who was deliberately trying to interfere with my socialization. For example, making me skip a grade, I was a small kid, so I ended up in junior high a foot shorter than all of my peers. Another great example is making me take a job closing down a pool from 9-10pm every night during high school, with the express purpose (unknown to me) of ensuring that I wouldn't be able to hang out with friends at night. My point is, my entire sense of self had been constructed for me, but it was a false one. After many years, a deeper version of myself has emerged, one that's more true in some sense. From the perspective of my old self, this new self is "fake", and vice versa. Based on the available data, I've concluded that the real me is actually just fine, and all I needed to do was a few decades of therapy/yoga/psychedelics/meditation/breakdowns in order to come out of my shell. In your case, I would be careful about wishing that society would work around your communication preferences. If by preferences you mean "I want to be able to violate social norms around eye contact and politeness and get away with it", then I'd say it would be more constructive for you to change, rather than society. I'd also note that if you're in a position of power, like someone's boss, or even the prized developer, this puts you in a privileged position to break social norms because there's a risk to whoever dares to call you out. Don't be one of those bosses, or one of those developers.

by kypro 8y ago

mmt 8y ago

> But I often wish I didn't have to and society would work around my communication preferences instead for a change. To me, this echoes an under-emphasized concept when discussing freedom and democracies, and things like free speech in online forums and search engines: the danger of "tyranny of the majority". It also underscores the importance of true diversity, diversity of thought, which can include forcing oneself to think differently by, for example, working around the communication preferences of the minority.

mindgam3 8y ago

> I guess what upsets me is that I feel like to be successful I have to be less myself. I think you might feel this too based on what you said Actually, my point was the exact opposite. The "awkward me" isn't the real me. It's the version of myself that I constructed in order to survive my seriously dysfunctional childhood raised by a mother with a PhD from Harvard in child psychology who was deliberately trying to interfere with my socialization. For example, making me skip a grade, I was a small kid, so I ended up in junior high a foot shorter than all of my peers. Another great example is making me take a job closing down a pool from 9-10pm every night during high school, with the express purpose (unknown to me) of ensuring that I wouldn't be able to hang out with friends at night. My point is, my entire sense of self had been constructed for me, but it was a false one. After many years, a deeper version of myself has emerged, one that's more true in some sense. From the perspective of my old self, this new self is "fake", and vice versa. Based on the available data, I've concluded that the real me is actually just fine, and all I needed to do was a few decades of therapy/yoga/psychedelics/meditation/breakdowns in order to come out of my shell. In your case, I would be careful about wishing that society would work around your communication preferences. If by preferences you mean "I want to be able to violate social norms around eye contact and politeness and get away with it", then I'd say it would be more constructive for you to change, rather than society. I'd also note that if you're in a position of power, like someone's boss, or even the prized developer, this puts you in a privileged position to break social norms because there's a risk to whoever dares to call you out. Don't be one of those bosses, or one of those developers.