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My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore

My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Conversations with them are very one sided and shallow. So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. One of the things we focus on is taking turns, giving other people the opportunity to talk, and not interrupting each other. I thinks it's easier with multiples because they tend to regulate this among themselves. Like our two will object if they're interrupted, especially the littler one.

Ntrails 8y ago
> So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever, and meant I could behave in public without constantly demanding attention. There is a difference between expecting a child to behave properly in company, and neglecting to interact with them at all.
- JadeNB 8y ago
  > I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever …. How could you possibly know?
JadeNB 8y ago
> My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Surely these two (ignoring children for adult conversation and ignoring other adults) do not always go together, and need not be conflated. My wife, who is Italian, told me that, in the European model of parenting with which she is familiar, children are expected to defer to adult conversations. While I have no children, I see no reason that this couldn't have a positive effect, analogous to that of not being an only child—whereby children learn that, though they are important and valued, their desires do not always come first, and they need to learn to be respectful of others. Your comment seems to suggest, by contrast, that it is obviously and necessarily a poor way to raise children. (I also don't think that ignoring other adults, at least in some circumstances where they want my intention, is necessarily a bad thing, but that's probably more a factor of my bias towards being alone than of any parenting philosophy.)
- dsnuh 8y ago
  I have four kids (two of my own, and two stepchildren) and I generally agree with this style of parenting. I feel like there is a bit of a "cult of the child" in America (where I am) where it is a competition now to raise the most perfect children, with the most perfect Instagram ready activities all the time, each a potential STEM subject genius with world changing thoughts, etc. etc. It's tiring to watch if you are on social media, which I feel is one of the big drivers of the new attitudes toward kids. I see parents using their kids for virtue signalling all the time.
dsnuh 8y ago
But that's not how the world actually works. How is this conditioning preparing your kids to live in the real world, where people aren't going to coddle them and make sure all conversations are fair and equal?
- le-mark 8y ago
  It's not "conditioning" it's teaching empathy, kindness, courtesy and respect for others.

Ntrails 8y ago

> So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever, and meant I could behave in public without constantly demanding attention. There is a difference between expecting a child to behave properly in company, and neglecting to interact with them at all.

JadeNB 8y ago
> I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever …. How could you possibly know?

JadeNB 8y ago

> My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Surely these two (ignoring children for adult conversation and ignoring other adults) do not always go together, and need not be conflated. My wife, who is Italian, told me that, in the European model of parenting with which she is familiar, children are expected to defer to adult conversations. While I have no children, I see no reason that this couldn't have a positive effect, analogous to that of not being an only child—whereby children learn that, though they are important and valued, their desires do not always come first, and they need to learn to be respectful of others. Your comment seems to suggest, by contrast, that it is obviously and necessarily a poor way to raise children. (I also don't think that ignoring other adults, at least in some circumstances where they want my intention, is necessarily a bad thing, but that's probably more a factor of my bias towards being alone than of any parenting philosophy.)

dsnuh 8y ago
I have four kids (two of my own, and two stepchildren) and I generally agree with this style of parenting. I feel like there is a bit of a "cult of the child" in America (where I am) where it is a competition now to raise the most perfect children, with the most perfect Instagram ready activities all the time, each a potential STEM subject genius with world changing thoughts, etc. etc. It's tiring to watch if you are on social media, which I feel is one of the big drivers of the new attitudes toward kids. I see parents using their kids for virtue signalling all the time.

dsnuh 8y ago

But that's not how the world actually works. How is this conditioning preparing your kids to live in the real world, where people aren't going to coddle them and make sure all conversations are fair and equal?

le-mark 8y ago
It's not "conditioning" it's teaching empathy, kindness, courtesy and respect for others.