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Awesome work. This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; i

Awesome work. This made me think. My 7y boy has ASD/ADHD. When he talks, which is often, he talks constantly and all the time. It can feel like an onslaught; is very tiring over time. We've always been reading to him, and he enjoys words - and learning new vocabulary. I'm quite particular about grammar also, and he's always open to being learning this, being corrected, and he'll even correct his own after a few times. It's amazing to hear him "work" Google Home, modulating his questions until he gets what he wants. So he's obviously got a very sharp brain, but from a parent's point of view it can take a lot of effort to stay engaged at that "11th hour" point - specially when tired and dealing with non-compliance. Would appreciate if anyone has pointers here, if this resonates. We need to teach him that communication isn't just Transmit, but Transmit/ Receive (Tx/Rx).

lolsaywut 8y ago
the way your son is acting sounds normal, are you sure he is adhd
- sundvor 8y ago
  His pediatrician, psychologist and psychiatrist made that assessment. I didn't describe his full set of behaviours, impulsiveness; it'd be a very long post. I try to focus on the good things, but was hoping to see if others here might have some strategies to try. I've taken steps like change jobs to be able to get rid of car to ride to work to improve fitness to get more energy to hopefully be a better dad.
  - jamra 8y ago
    There is a fad in diagnosing ADHD to boys especially. Some boys just need to move their bodies more than others. OPs experience with his children is wonderful but I’ve never seen research indicating early language development having anything to do with intelligence or success in adulthood.
    - dgut 8y ago
      Do you know what leads some boys to move their bodies more than others?
    - sundvor 8y ago
      I read you, yet that's kind of funny: Son struggled to get through a karate class in the afternoon without a small refresher dose of Ritalin - which has helped him academically at school. He finally got sent out after three strikes for disrupting the class without; his attention and ability to be one of the crowd instantly improved with the addition of the drug. From this in particular I'm inclined to believe in the professional opinions of the specialists we engaged. He's doing 3x weekly Kyoshkin sessions as well as occasional mountain bike riding, but we could probably try to do even more to get energy use up on a daily basis; very strong, an abundance of energy. Which is normal for most children at least.
janlin1999 8y ago
Not sure if the issues are the same as the ones that we experienced with our son, but my wife suspected that our son had ADHD and she read several books and ended up agreeing with the ideas behind brain balance. She found a chiropractic neurologist who studied with the author of the book, and he prescribed some exercises to overcome some primitive reflexes and an elimination diet. Our son became less irritable and is better able to focus (but is still working on impulse control). My wife is super happy with the results.
- sundvor 8y ago
  Interesting, and good to hear! Is that anything like http://drrobertmelillo.com/2016/03/18/5-exercises-inhibit-primitive-reflexes/ http://drrobertmelillo.com/2016/03/18/5-exercises-inhibit-pr... ?
  - myth_drannon 8y ago
    I'm more familiar with MNRI. Masgutova reflex integration.
  - janlin1999 8y ago
    Yes, I believe Moro and Galant reflexes were two of the ones that my son worked on. I think there were two others not on that list.
Angostura 8y ago
My daughter used to be a 'narrate my life' kind of girl at that age, and I used to play silly conversational games with her, that we both really enjoyed. So, she would see a balloon up a tree, and she's ask how it got there, and I would say "I guess it was carried up there by a giant eagle" and she'd say "no a man with a crane" and we would just keep spinning increasing outrageous hypotheses. It became a quite common game for us. She also liked 'guess my animal' type games.
- sundvor 8y ago
  Great approach, thanks for the suggestion.
le-mark 8y ago
My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Conversations with them are very one sided and shallow. So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. One of the things we focus on is taking turns, giving other people the opportunity to talk, and not interrupting each other. I thinks it's easier with multiples because they tend to regulate this among themselves. Like our two will object if they're interrupted, especially the littler one.
- Ntrails 8y ago
  > So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever, and meant I could behave in public without constantly demanding attention. There is a difference between expecting a child to behave properly in company, and neglecting to interact with them at all.
  - JadeNB 8y ago
    > I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever …. How could you possibly know?
- JadeNB 8y ago
  > My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Surely these two (ignoring children for adult conversation and ignoring other adults) do not always go together, and need not be conflated. My wife, who is Italian, told me that, in the European model of parenting with which she is familiar, children are expected to defer to adult conversations. While I have no children, I see no reason that this couldn't have a positive effect, analogous to that of not being an only child—whereby children learn that, though they are important and valued, their desires do not always come first, and they need to learn to be respectful of others. Your comment seems to suggest, by contrast, that it is obviously and necessarily a poor way to raise children. (I also don't think that ignoring other adults, at least in some circumstances where they want my intention, is necessarily a bad thing, but that's probably more a factor of my bias towards being alone than of any parenting philosophy.)

lolsaywut 8y ago

the way your son is acting sounds normal, are you sure he is adhd

sundvor 8y ago
His pediatrician, psychologist and psychiatrist made that assessment. I didn't describe his full set of behaviours, impulsiveness; it'd be a very long post. I try to focus on the good things, but was hoping to see if others here might have some strategies to try. I've taken steps like change jobs to be able to get rid of car to ride to work to improve fitness to get more energy to hopefully be a better dad.
- jamra 8y ago
  There is a fad in diagnosing ADHD to boys especially. Some boys just need to move their bodies more than others. OPs experience with his children is wonderful but I’ve never seen research indicating early language development having anything to do with intelligence or success in adulthood.
  - dgut 8y ago
    Do you know what leads some boys to move their bodies more than others?
  - sundvor 8y ago
    I read you, yet that's kind of funny: Son struggled to get through a karate class in the afternoon without a small refresher dose of Ritalin - which has helped him academically at school. He finally got sent out after three strikes for disrupting the class without; his attention and ability to be one of the crowd instantly improved with the addition of the drug. From this in particular I'm inclined to believe in the professional opinions of the specialists we engaged. He's doing 3x weekly Kyoshkin sessions as well as occasional mountain bike riding, but we could probably try to do even more to get energy use up on a daily basis; very strong, an abundance of energy. Which is normal for most children at least.

janlin1999 8y ago

Not sure if the issues are the same as the ones that we experienced with our son, but my wife suspected that our son had ADHD and she read several books and ended up agreeing with the ideas behind brain balance. She found a chiropractic neurologist who studied with the author of the book, and he prescribed some exercises to overcome some primitive reflexes and an elimination diet. Our son became less irritable and is better able to focus (but is still working on impulse control). My wife is super happy with the results.

sundvor 8y ago
Interesting, and good to hear! Is that anything like http://drrobertmelillo.com/2016/03/18/5-exercises-inhibit-primitive-reflexes/ http://drrobertmelillo.com/2016/03/18/5-exercises-inhibit-pr... ?
- myth_drannon 8y ago
  I'm more familiar with MNRI. Masgutova reflex integration.
- janlin1999 8y ago
  Yes, I believe Moro and Galant reflexes were two of the ones that my son worked on. I think there were two others not on that list.

Angostura 8y ago

My daughter used to be a 'narrate my life' kind of girl at that age, and I used to play silly conversational games with her, that we both really enjoyed. So, she would see a balloon up a tree, and she's ask how it got there, and I would say "I guess it was carried up there by a giant eagle" and she'd say "no a man with a crane" and we would just keep spinning increasing outrageous hypotheses. It became a quite common game for us. She also liked 'guess my animal' type games.

sundvor 8y ago
Great approach, thanks for the suggestion.

le-mark 8y ago

My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Conversations with them are very one sided and shallow. So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. One of the things we focus on is taking turns, giving other people the opportunity to talk, and not interrupting each other. I thinks it's easier with multiples because they tend to regulate this among themselves. Like our two will object if they're interrupted, especially the littler one.

Ntrails 8y ago
> So kudos to you for not relagating the kid to non-person status like that. I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever, and meant I could behave in public without constantly demanding attention. There is a difference between expecting a child to behave properly in company, and neglecting to interact with them at all.
- JadeNB 8y ago
  > I was raised to do as I was told, sit quietly and speak when spoken to in company. It did me no harm whatsoever …. How could you possibly know?
JadeNB 8y ago
> My in laws do this thing were children are mostly ignored. When adults are talking or watching tv, the adults should not be interrupted. In practice they ignore other adults most of the time too. Very boarish, dysfunctional people in general. Surely these two (ignoring children for adult conversation and ignoring other adults) do not always go together, and need not be conflated. My wife, who is Italian, told me that, in the European model of parenting with which she is familiar, children are expected to defer to adult conversations. While I have no children, I see no reason that this couldn't have a positive effect, analogous to that of not being an only child—whereby children learn that, though they are important and valued, their desires do not always come first, and they need to learn to be respectful of others. Your comment seems to suggest, by contrast, that it is obviously and necessarily a poor way to raise children. (I also don't think that ignoring other adults, at least in some circumstances where they want my intention, is necessarily a bad thing, but that's probably more a factor of my bias towards being alone than of any parenting philosophy.)