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Again I think you're ignoring the actual solution. Relationships are not 50/50 compromises. They're a dance of compromises in favor of one party or another at

Again I think you're ignoring the actual solution. Relationships are not 50/50 compromises. They're a dance of compromises in favor of one party or another at different times. You've got to decide as an individual if the balance is acceptable and I can't say that you seem very giving from your posts. Again, that's a choice and your right but don't expect reality to conform to your desires because it rarely will.

colanderman 8y ago
And I could say the same for your posts, which posit a single problem and solution ("the actual solution" -- lol!) as if that is what they are. I'm the one who pointed out the ridiculousness of favoring one personality by default and suggested that compromise and understanding your partner is the name of the game -- and you dare say I'm unaccommodating? Exactly as you said, relationships are a complex negotiation. Claiming that inability to simply sit and listen to solvable troubles is "the problem" is unhelpful. It is SOMETIMES the problem -- probably more often than not -- but sometimes people just whine too much and are too full of themselves to accept much needed help and it's unhelpful to blame the listener for not wanting to sit through that emotionally draining experience every day of their life.
- dwaltrip 8y ago
  It sounds like you are talking about people who have significant issues regulating their emotions. I definitely agree those situations are much more difficult. Sometimes, if possible, the winning move is to not play. Perhaps you could have explicitly stated your context in the beginning, as it seems most others were assuming two relatively well-adjusted individuals.
  - colanderman 8y ago
    Yes, sorry, I should have made that clear. I'm the "informational" type and learned long ago to just listen to complaints, especially from casual acquaintances. But I've also met my fair share of people who willingly dump some pretty serious issues on me -- issues that are within their power, if not their will, to fix -- and my inability to be the emotional sponge these individuals seek is emphatically not a problem with me, or with anyone else in that situation.

colanderman 8y ago

And I could say the same for your posts, which posit a single problem and solution ("the actual solution" -- lol!) as if that is what they are. I'm the one who pointed out the ridiculousness of favoring one personality by default and suggested that compromise and understanding your partner is the name of the game -- and you dare say I'm unaccommodating? Exactly as you said, relationships are a complex negotiation. Claiming that inability to simply sit and listen to solvable troubles is "the problem" is unhelpful. It is SOMETIMES the problem -- probably more often than not -- but sometimes people just whine too much and are too full of themselves to accept much needed help and it's unhelpful to blame the listener for not wanting to sit through that emotionally draining experience every day of their life.

dwaltrip 8y ago
It sounds like you are talking about people who have significant issues regulating their emotions. I definitely agree those situations are much more difficult. Sometimes, if possible, the winning move is to not play. Perhaps you could have explicitly stated your context in the beginning, as it seems most others were assuming two relatively well-adjusted individuals.
- colanderman 8y ago
  Yes, sorry, I should have made that clear. I'm the "informational" type and learned long ago to just listen to complaints, especially from casual acquaintances. But I've also met my fair share of people who willingly dump some pretty serious issues on me -- issues that are within their power, if not their will, to fix -- and my inability to be the emotional sponge these individuals seek is emphatically not a problem with me, or with anyone else in that situation.